Caput – total caput.ÌýIt just hasn’t worked.ÌýI tried but Steve and I are to be no more. What is a girl to do when she has to do all the running?ÌýThere is no blame here but… but… I don’t like buts.ÌýIt isn’t that we didn’t get on.ÌýI think his life was too full to have to make an effort.Ìý | "Instead of feeling like a raging inferno, it was almost as though the pilot light constantly had to be restarted" | |
Don’t get me wrong – I don’t like being smothered but a little effort would make a difference.ÌýSomehow I never felt that this was the case.ÌýPerhaps it was too comfortable?ÌýOr was it?ÌýI can’t put my finger on it.ÌýInstead of feeling like a raging inferno, it was almost as though the pilot light constantly had to be restarted.ÌýYou can only push that button for so long and then you just give up. So back to the drawing board.Ìý I was watching Notting Hill, the Wedding Planner and Bridget Jones the Edge of Reason over the last few weeks.ÌýI know they are all chick flicks, but they got me thinking. What is it all about?ÌýHow do you find that match?ÌýNot to light the pilot light with you understand, but the man who will have a life and be fun, trustworthy, loving, attractive, not perfect (perfect men are gorgeous but they stray a lot), just good fun and intelligent.ÌýAm I asking too much?Ìý I heard from a friend last night who wants to do rude things to me and I don’t want to go there.ÌýMy life is complicated enough.ÌýIt’s nice to flirt and know that he’s there. Makes me realise that I’m attractive to someone and there is hope.ÌýMost of my friends still can’t believe I’m single but as I say to them, you never know what lies behind closed doors.ÌýIn my case not a six footer with rugby thighs! I thought I’d feel a little disheartened by the last few weeks.ÌýTo be honest it has been great.ÌýIt has got me back out there onto the ‘dating’ market.ÌýBut my cynicism remains.Ìý This is a game.ÌýMen between forty and forty six are still in mid life crisis mode and I think they should be avoided at all costs.ÌýDo men ever grow up?ÌýWhat do women really want?ÌýWhatever is to be will be?Ìý At least I'm having fun.ÌýBut boredom is now setting in and I fear my fingers will wander towards those keys and internet dating sites.ÌýI could write a book about them.ÌýI'm not after the one night shag, love 'em and leave 'em, which most people on dating sites are up for.ÌýI glanced at one of the Sundays yesterday – spotted someone who sounded my type – oh god what is my type?Ìý Anyway watch this space – phone calls, keyboards and my new best friend, Lesley, at the ready.ÌýOne of them has to succeed. | 
