Another week has passed in the eventful life of me; happily single but… Well actually, are there any buts?Ìý When I see the problems that some of my friends are facing at the minute I think ‘is it really worth it?’Ìý But of course it is!Ìý It is a month since I met my new best friend, Lesley, who runs an introduction company.Ìý She’s trying to get a ‘match’.Ìý Sadly no news as yet... I was lying in bed the other night (alone, of course) and I started wondering what it would be like to have someone on the other side.Ìý To be honest, I love my duvet too much to share it and then there’s all those bodily functions which men do openly but women always say they never do.Ìý Ladies it’s a lie.Ìý Have you eaten lots of baked beans recently?Ìý If you don’t fart after that, well you need to see a doctor.Ìý | "I love my duvet too much to share it and then there’s all those bodily functions which men do openly but women always say they never do" | |
It has been a fairly uneventful week really.Ìý I've been out and about socialising with the usual group of friends.Ìý It would seem that they're all on a mission to find me the 'one'.Ìý To be honest just a date would do for me.Ìý We were sitting in this pub the other night and every man who walked through the door was analysed.Ìý In a nice way you understand.Ìý 'Eyes at eleven o'clock - by the bar' shrieked one of the girls.Ìý 'He looks like your type'.Ìý No offence to the lovely men who were in there but first impressions are important.Ìý They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder well beholden I was not.Ìý Out of a room full of males (the kind without raging hormones, that didn't mean they were dead from the waist down - sorry boys) on a quiet weekday evening, not one lit my fire.Ìý They wouldn't have lit a candle for me! Please don't get the impression that I'm obssessed but when your friends, both male and female, have found a new game to play, you have to humour them.Ìý I'm sure they have my interests at heart. My job is going quite nicely, I think.Ìý I spent most of today clearing out e mails which seem to offer me penis extensions.Ìý Why are e mails genderless?Ìý Don't they know I don't need something to make 'it' grow?Ìý What I would like to know is if it works?Ìý I wonder if I could get one of my male friends to try it out - without me of course - oh and I don't mean on their own.Ìý Your mind is shocking!ÌýÌý Anyway there were a few other offers.Ìý Did they know my predicament?Ìý One screamed at me 'Can't be a lover anymore?'.Ìý I'd like to have the chance first to see if it is like getting back on a bike - perhaps I should say bicycle!Ìý The other claimed to sell 'products that can improve your life'.Ìý I was wise enough not to open them.Ìý After all I didn't want to catch any nasty viruses - does anyone? So that's been it really, no movement at all on the 'find me a date' front.Ìý I suddenly realised that it was a year to the day since the man who I let the barriers down for had dumped me in spectacular style.Ìý I'll spare you the details.Ìý The best thing he left me was a barbecue and a very posh pen.Ìý He left me dangling for a month (I wish I'd left him dangling) and then decided it wasn't working.Ìý Another forty year old something in the mid life crisis era.Ìý I could write a complete guide to coping with the male menopause.Ìý Although in all honesty it probably wouldn't be very long.Ìý My advice: steer clear of any man who's in the vicinity of 40 - either approaching or in the first flushes of their early forties.ÌýÌýNightmare!Ìý I've just missed a call on my phone - my heart misses a beat.Ìý I recognise the number.Ìý It's my new best friend, Lesley from the introduction agency. Has she found me a date?Ìý She did say I would have to be patient.ÌýÌý And so will you.Ìý I'm off to ring her.Ìý Suddenly I've got very nervous. | 
