Thar She Blows
by JP McMenamin
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Aboard a North bound Icelandic whaler
Saw a little wind blown sailor
Singing shanties 鈥榖out the sea
While sipping a mug of earl grey tea
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He looked so neat, so spick and span
With his marlin spike, grasped in his hand
So soft in the face as the gale did scream
He used a lot of Ponds cold cream.
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To the astonishment of a plump seal pup
He began to add his virtues up
鈥淚 never drink, I never smoke
I never make a filthy joke
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I never gamble , or drink strong wine
Or break wind, just to pass the time
I鈥檓 a model of the seven seas
And I don鈥檛 use a knife to eat my peas
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I have one fault I do admit鈥
The seal pup listened with both brows knit
鈥淲hen I leave the ship and become a land lubber
I can鈥檛 keep my hands off a woman with blubber鈥
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The seal pup clapped its little flippers
What a tale to tell it鈥檚 nippers
Said the salt 鈥淚 let my morals down
One rainy night in Derry town
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The lady鈥檚 name was Big Fat Lily
Fat as a hog-fed hilly-billy
I felt a tingle in my toes
And yelled out loudly 鈥 鈥楾har she blows鈥
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We came to an arrangement in that sea port town
I handed over half a crown
She grabbed me, by my soft white hand
And led me off to blubber land
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Suddenly from the dark and gloom
I heard a mournful sad wee tune
Then a wee small boy I chanced to see
Singing 鈥榖out a wee boy up a tree.
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Like Oliver Twist, he was pale and white
What was he doing out at night ?
An orphan, with a begging bowl
Which was full of chips and piece of sole.
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鈥淒on鈥檛 mind the urchin鈥 Lily
screamed
鈥淭ake me to the isle of dreams
Take me where the dolphins play
And little sailors always pay鈥
鈥淚 stood there shocked and so aghast
The Jolly Roger, at half mast
Could I corrupt the little child ?
I felt unclean, wild bad, defiled鈥
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The small boy stood with staring eyes
Looking at Big Lily鈥檚 thighs
Then his little thoughts he seemed to gather
And said 鈥淢ister, is this, how鈥檚 your
father ?鈥
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I looked at his angelic face
A cherub, in this awful place
Could I corrupt his little mind
What thoughts would this night leave behind ?
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He was probably marked down for a priest
A doctor, a teacher, at the least
Would I cause the child to leave this land ?
And join a hell bound drunk showband ?
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I looked into his little eyes
Full of wonder, tears and sties
He looked at lily, oh so cute
And said : 鈥淎re you a prostitute ?鈥
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I cried 鈥淢y God what have I done?鈥
Corrupted someone鈥檚 nice wee son
I grabbed the half crown from Lily鈥檚 coat
Ran hell for leather for the boat
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I heard the lad call out 鈥淗ey Mind鈥
鈥淵ou鈥檝e left your bit of stuff behind
Come back鈥 he cried 鈥渁nd don鈥檛 mind me鈥
Mammy likes cold chips for tea鈥
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Big Lily roared into the dawn
鈥淗as the little sailor gone?鈥
Lilly went to turn another trick
Cause she lost her Moby Dick
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