I'm Not Drunk, But I Have Drink Taken
By John McMenamin
When I鈥檝e had a good libation
Of alcoholic stimulation
I turn into a hateful little puke
I think I鈥檓 oh so funny
As I spend my hard earned money
And my face takes on a stupid gormless look.
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I giggle like a ninny
At the barmaid in her pinny
And show her photos of my little dog
I start making awkward passes
As she grimly washed glasses
I鈥檝e turned into a nuisance with the grog.
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I slabber over strangers
Talk bout Celtic and bour Rangers
Then sing a song of famine and despair
My eyes are red like rabbits
I display my drunken habits
As I stand there with a boozy wild-eyed stare.
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I stagger to the loo
Tripping 鈥極er my shoe
Then come out with drunken smile upon my face
I鈥檓 looking for some fun
Never see my zips undone
Someone mutters, 鈥淲hat a dammed disgrace鈥.
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I give a drunken shout
鈥淥ver here. A pin of stout鈥
The barmaid looks my way with angry stare
I say, 鈥淵ou鈥檙e a nice we doat
Would you like to get your coat
And you and I could go out on the tear鈥.
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Now my mood is changing
My features rearranging
I鈥檓 maudlin and feeling sentimental
So I stagger to the loo
To shed a tear of two
I鈥檓 not hard, I鈥檓 sensitive and gentle.
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The way ahead is plain
I鈥檒l change, be born again
Devote my life to praying and good deeds
I鈥檒l knock drink on the head
Before I end up dead
Lying in the gutter, with the weeds.
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Then I forgot about Jehovah
Turn into a Casanova
When the barmaid bends to lift a case of bass
I lean 鈥榦er the bar in hope
That I鈥檒l get a little grope
My searching fingers find her plump wee ass.
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The barmaid cries 鈥淏e-Jesus
Did you see that brute seize us?鈥
The barman, grabs my throttle with a roar
My feet are off the ground
And my head is spinning round
As he kicks my arse and throws me out the door
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By now, I鈥檓 all for fightin鈥
I throw a drunken right un鈥
And smash my fist against the pebbled wall
The Barman yells, 鈥淵ou boozy
How dare you grope my floozy鈥
He hits me hard, I crumple up and fall
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As I lie there in the gutter
I give a drunken mutter
And find that I have somehow wet my pants
But I鈥檓 not going home
To sit there all alone
I stagger up and head off to a dance.
CHEERS.
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