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16 October 2014

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on next : Gerry Anderson

I'm Not Drunk, But I Have Drink Taken

By John McMenamin


When I鈥檝e had a good libation
Of alcoholic stimulation
I turn into a hateful little puke
I think I鈥檓 oh so funny

As I spend my hard earned money
And my face takes on a stupid gormless look.

I giggle like a ninny
At the barmaid in her pinny

And show her photos of my little dog
I start making awkward passes
As she grimly washed glasses
I鈥檝e turned into a nuisance with the grog.

I slabber over strangers
Talk bout Celtic and bour Rangers
Then sing a song of famine and despair
My eyes are red like rabbits

I display my drunken habits
As I stand there with a boozy wild-eyed stare.

I stagger to the loo
Tripping 鈥極er my shoe
Then come out with drunken smile upon my face
I鈥檓 looking for some fun
Never see my zips undone
Someone mutters, 鈥淲hat a dammed disgrace鈥.

I give a drunken shout
鈥淥ver here. A pin of stout鈥
The barmaid looks my way with angry stare
I say, 鈥淵ou鈥檙e a nice we doat
Would you like to get your coat
And you and I could go out on the tear鈥.

Now my mood is changing
My features rearranging
I鈥檓 maudlin and feeling sentimental
So I stagger to the loo
To shed a tear of two
I鈥檓 not hard, I鈥檓 sensitive and gentle.

The way ahead is plain
I鈥檒l change, be born again
Devote my life to praying and good deeds
I鈥檒l knock drink on the head
Before I end up dead
Lying in the gutter, with the weeds.

Then I forgot about Jehovah
Turn into a Casanova
When the barmaid bends to lift a case of bass
I lean 鈥榦er the bar in hope
That I鈥檒l get a little grope
My searching fingers find her plump wee ass.

The barmaid cries 鈥淏e-Jesus
Did you see that brute seize us?鈥
The barman, grabs my throttle with a roar
My feet are off the ground
And my head is spinning round
As he kicks my arse and throws me out the door

By now, I鈥檓 all for fightin鈥
I throw a drunken right un鈥
And smash my fist against the pebbled wall
The Barman yells, 鈥淵ou boozy
How dare you grope my floozy鈥
He hits me hard, I crumple up and fall

As I lie there in the gutter
I give a drunken mutter
And find that I have somehow wet my pants
But I鈥檓 not going home
To sit there all alone
I stagger up and head off to a dance.

CHEERS.

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