THE MAN IN WHITE
By John McMenamin
Mary Whitehouse may be gone
But a man has took her place
He watched TV every night
With a stern look on his face.
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He鈥檚 a knight in shining armour
He鈥檚 the man who鈥檒l put things right
Like Spiderman and superman
He is the man in white.
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By day, he鈥檚 just plain wee Sean Coyle
A player of Cd鈥檚
At night our hero watches adds
That tantalise and tease.
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If sex should rear it鈥檚 ugly head
Wee Sean, will be our saviour
His antenna send out warnings
If they pick up lewd behaviour.
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He鈥檚 the conscience of the nation
He鈥檚 the man who puts things right
He鈥檚 wee Sean Coyle from Derry
He is the man in white.
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He doesn鈥檛 leap tall buildings
Or stop bullets with his hand
But if there鈥檚 depravity or debauchery
Wee Sean, will take a stand.
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Armed with the shield of justice
He鈥檚 a bulldog not a poodle
God help you boy, if you use sex
To sell an auld pot noodle.
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His gimlet eye is on the screen
His pen is in his hand
A line or two is all it takes
To get an advert banned.
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He鈥檚 the enemy of all things lewd
A crusader for the truth
His picture hangs on every wall
In the college of Manooth.
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Young men in black look up to him
They pray to him each night
鈥淥h God鈥 they pray. 鈥淢ay I Someday
Be like the man in white鈥.
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Young children at their mother鈥檚 Knee
Have his face on coloured balloons
They retain their childhood innocence
鈥淐ause he vets all their cartoons.
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He watches over everyone
Like a shepherd with his flock
He鈥檚 the guardian of all decency
He鈥檚 the bastion (No, it鈥檚 not a spelling mistake)
and a rock.
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At this very moment
His eyes are on the screen
If sexy things offend his gaze
His good eye gives a steely GLEAM
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His old Bic pen is in his hand
It鈥檚 cracked and worn with age
A naked bum-wee Sean yells 鈥 鈥淟OOK鈥
And his face turns red with rage.
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The Bic pen flies across the page
Addressed to Channel 4
鈥淚 saw a bum, last night鈥 writes Sean
鈥淧lease don鈥檛 show it anymore.鈥
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Thank god, we have a man like that
Wee Sean, will keep us right
He鈥檚 Ireland鈥檚 Super Hero
- He is the man in white.
The End (OOP鈥檚 that might be a bad word!)
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