A Gaelic Conundrum
by JP McMenamin
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A crowd of Down supporters
Were gathered in Croke Park
They came down, from Down, quite early
In fact it was still dark.
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They piled into a luxury coach
Destination 鈥 Dublin Town
Their cry was peculiar
They were yelling out, 鈥淯p Down.鈥
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They pulled into a lay-by
Where they had a furtive pee
Fifty urinating men
It was quite a sight to see
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They ran amok in Dublin
Waving auld Britannia鈥檚 poun鈥
And terrified the tourists
By yelling out, 鈥淯p Down.鈥
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At three O鈥機lock the whistle blew
The ball was in the air
A roar from eighty thousand fans
Erupted in the air.
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鈥淯p Down鈥 yelled Jimmie Mulligan
With a glint in his dark eyes
He wore his trousers at half mast
The result of stout and pies.
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鈥淯p Down鈥 roared Paddy Reilly
As drunk as Murphy鈥檚 ass
鈥淪log her up the field鈥 he roared
鈥淎h for God鈥檚 sake Micky 鈥 pass鈥
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鈥淯p Down鈥 shrieked Maggie Dumphy
Who was well-known in most bars
Then she fumbled for a peppermint
In the pocket of her drawers.
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鈥淯p Down鈥 yelled Bosco Kelly
鈥淧ass her to yer man鈥
鈥淯p Down鈥 slurred wee Ned Hannigan
Who had drunk a farm of land.
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鈥淒own Up鈥 cried Michael Flattery
Who wasn鈥檛 very bright
Sometimes he sunbathed in the garden
In the middle of the night.
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鈥淯p Down roared Nellie Brannigan
Chewing tobacco like a dog
Her eyes were wide and staring
Like a tadpole or a frog.
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鈥淒own Up鈥 cried Michael Flattery
Ah, poor Michael wasn鈥檛 right
He put a pencil in his mouth
And asked Maggie for a light.
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鈥淯p Down鈥 yelled drunken Joe McHugh
He only had one eye
When suffering from the horrors of drink
He tried to lance a stye.
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鈥淯p Down鈥 roared big Fred Bogle
With a turnip for a head
His Uncle Joe was very sick
In fact, poor Joe was 鈥 dead.
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Some Japanese from Tokyo
Said, 鈥淲hy they say up down?鈥
鈥淚rish men all mad鈥 they said
鈥淭ime to get out of town.鈥
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鈥淒own Up鈥 yelled Michael Flattery
The Japanese took flight
鈥淚t鈥檚 Up down Michael鈥 Maggie roared
鈥淔or God鈥檚 sake, get it right.鈥
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鈥淯p Down鈥 cried Nellie Brannigan
Spitting out tobacco juice
Her bloomers fell around her feet
The elastic had worn loose.
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鈥淯p Down鈥 roared Jimmie Mulligan
As the final whistle blew
Down won the all Ireland final
By thirteen points to two.
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鈥淯p Down鈥 rang out from everywhere
When the captain got the cup
Michael Flattery, was the odd man out
As he hollered out, 鈥淒own Up鈥.
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鈥淯p Down鈥 was ringing from the bus
As they left old Dublin town
Soon Sam Maguire, would be on his way
On his way back up to Down.
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They think it鈥檚 all over. But it isn鈥檛.
The whole thing, starts again next year.
UP DOWN
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(Yes I know Tyrone won, but I'll leave it to others
to write about that.)
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