Steph could hear the sound of gunshots in her mind; sharp; cutting through the air so easily.听Easily, it'd happen easily.听Turning the gun over in her hand, Steph savoured long and infrequent breaths.听It was cool to touch.听The cold metal soothed her clammy hands. It was beautiful.听It really was.听Some people called guns weapons; Steph didn't.听It was a beauty; a masterpiece; a design marvel.听She felt empowered and in control.听Nothing could hurt her now.听Nothing. Steph thought back; delving deep into her memory.听Tears filled her eyes; bitter, stinging tears.听She hadn't deserved any of this.听The physical pain was hard to bear but it was the emotional suffering that caused her to despair.听It was the loneliness that made Steph really question whether life was worth living. There was only one way to stop it all.听She had to get rid of the person who'd caused all this suffering.听That girl who picked fault at everything Steph did, who criticised her every move and pushed the people she loved away from her. Steph couldn't walk away from this monster.听Yes, that's what she was; a monster disguised in the body of a girl.听Steph just couldn't understand.听How could something so small, so seemingly harmless, tear up everything and ruin her whole life?听Who gave her the power to destroy Steph? Everything had been going so well; Steph was always an A-grade student, she had some great friends and, most importantly, she had hope.听She had a future ahead of her; a bright future.听Of course, she'd had her problems, just like anybody else.听But Steph had always managed to deal with them, overcome them, and move on. Now, though, she was stuck in a rut.听Her life wasn't going anywhere.听She continued to do well at school but what good is that when you're desperate and hopeless? Everybody says that good exam results give you a future, that's only when you can see beyond today though.听That's only true when you think the future might be better.听As far as Steph could see, things would only get worse though. Thinking about all the little moments that had made her feel worthless caused an indescribable feeling to wash over Steph.听She'd become truly invisible.听Nobody ever directed a question at her, or asked her to go shopping, or hugged her and cared about why she was unhappy.听They weren't trying to be horrible; it wasn't their fault.听It was her fault. Steph could hardly bear to think of her.听Resentment rose in her blood, her veins burning.听She was angry.听No, she was beyond being angry.听She was despairing. After months of crying herself to sleep, struggling to keep her friends and praying that tomorrow would offer a glimmer of hope, Steph had had enough.听This, she knew, was the only way forward.听It was the only way she could move on. As Steph continued to caress the gun, oh my, it was stunning, a smile flickered across her face.听This convinced her, even more, that she was doing the right thing.听She hadn't smiled in a long, long time. She could have closure now; move on to something better.听The girl who'd taken everything from her, could finally be gone; extreme, maybe, but necessary. Every time the possibility of defeat crossed her mind, Steph quickly pushed it away.听 Would she have the strength to go through with this?听Yes, she continuously told herself, she had to.听That monster didn't deserve to be alive; she was barely human.听She had it coming to her.听It was for the best. Steph had never been religious but she thought it'd be fitting to say a prayer.听As she prayed for this hell to be over, Steph began to feel a tingling sensation creeping through her limbs.听It was time, she knew that. Steph sat down on the cold stone floor and looked at the gun one last time.听Slowly, she raised her arm and pressed the barrel of the gun against her scalp.听For months Steph had been blaming everybody else for what had gone wrong.听Finally though, she realised that she'd been ruining her own life. Bang. |