Help me out - jealousy
Everyone feels a bit of jealousy sometimes – but it’s a feeling which can really bring us down if we experience it a lot. So how do you cope with it?
What is jealousy?
Jealousy is the feeling you get when you want something that someone else has; when you feel angry, upset or annoyed with them, or react badly to other people’s successes.
We can get jealous of anybody – like a friend or sibling – and often we can feel it for people we are close to.
What do we get jealous of?
You might feel jealous of someone because of material things – like the clothes they wear or gadgets they own.
It can also be about other things – the way they look, or their skills and talents.
It might be their family, their friends, where they live… anything you might feel you want to have but don’t.
In friendships and families, people sometimes get jealous because they feel another person is getting more time and attention.
It can be easy to feel a bit jealous when we see friends or celebs online showing off about all the amazing things they have or are doing – but remember, people often only post the best bits and it’s not always what their life is really like!
Why do we get jealous?
Often jealousy can come from feeling insecure, that you don’t have enough or aren’t good enough, or scared that someone else is going to take something away from you (like a friend or being the best in class).
You might have low self-esteem and compare yourself to other people a lot.
If you feel unhappy about other things in life, anxious or not in control, sometimes those feelings can come out as jealousy towards someone else – although in reality it’s not much to do with them.
We can also feel jealous if something genuinely isn’t fair (like we get ill and miss out on a big party), even if it’s nobody’s fault.
How can it affect you?
A little bit of jealousy every now and again is OK and completely natural – it happens to everyone!
But it can become a problem when you feel it a lot, or it changes the way you treat other people.
Jealous feelings can negatively affect relationships, especially if you are deliberately mean to someone, short-tempered or ignore them on purpose. If you constantly compare yourself to others who you feel have more, it can make you feel unhappy.
Even if you keep your feelings inside and don’t take them out on others, they can bubble away under the surface and make you feel sad, upset or angry.
If someone is jealous of you
It can be difficult if someone is jealous of you, particularly if you’re not sure why.
You might find that person –
Tries to put you down, or make you feel stupid
Encourages other people not to spend time with you
Starts ignoring you
Says mean things to you
Tries to make you feel guilty about something you have or do
You don’t deserve to be treated like that, so if you experience it tell a trusted adult and get some help with the situation.
Making a positive change
If you feel a little jealous sometimes, don’t feel too bad about it – it’s normal.
But if jealous feelings are taking over, there are some steps you can take –
Think about why you are jealous – is there something else which is making you feel unhappy or insecure? If so, speak to someone you trust about how you feel.
When you understand your feelings it can be easier to get help and make a change.
Think about the things in your life that you’re proud of and feel good about. Sometimes we forget about these things when we’re jealous of others.
Try to build your own confidence, and avoid comparing yourself to other people.
Remember that our differences are what make us unique and special – just because someone else has something doesn’t mean you need to as well.
Try to turn jealous feelings round and use them as motivation to achieve your own success. If you see a friend doing well at school, that can be an inspiration for you to work hard and reach your goals too.
If you can focus on what you want to achieve, and the things which make you happy, you might find you worry less about what other people have.
For more information about organisations which offer advice and support, check out the Advice Helplines page.