成人快手

Q: Give us a potted history of your life so far...

A: I was born in 1939 in Carlton, Nottinghamshire. My first memory is the bombing of Nottingham in - I think - 1941. I had a very happy home life interspersed with weekends spent at the farm with my maternal grandparents. I loathed school with a passion which has never left me, and learned nothing of any 'pith and moment'. In the field of 'qualifications', I am a virgin. Something which would have pleased Lady Bracknell, at least.

Q: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

A: I wanted to follow my grandfather into farming and have since spent many years relieved that I didn't - particularly nowadays.

Q: What's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you?

A: Being caught making love to my 16-year-old 'child-bride' by her slightly elder sister. I don't think I shall ever recover from the shock of her entering the room.听I am forgiven though - erm, I hope..!

Q: What's the worst job you've ever had?

A: Railway signalman at Newark Castle Station Box, when it had crossing gates across the A1. Stopping the traffic was an unqualified nightmare - ALWAYS. As the gates began to close all the motorists accelerated instead of stopping.

Q: Do you have a catchphrase?

A: "Hello, good evening and welcome." But I do NOT claim it as my own. There have been other more well-known users, including the legendary Sir David Frost.

Q: What was the first record you ever bought?

A: 'Diana' by Paul Anka, it was a '45' and was four shillings and seven pence (and if you don't know what THAT is in today's money, you are too young to remember it in the first place!).

Q: What's your favourite food?

A: Tripe and onions - and it has been far too long since I had any. I must have a word with the butcher... and 'her who must be obeyed'. No-one makes it like she does.

Q: When Hollywood comes calling, who'll play you?

A: I'll do it myself - cut out the 'middle-man' - and 'deprive' some agent of his 'cut'. That will be sheer bliss...!

Q: In a fire, what would you rescue first?

A: A half-empty tin of talcum powder that belonged to my grandmother when she died in 1964. It is absolutely priceless - and quite irreplaceable.

Q: What do you do to relax?

A: I revel in the company of听a wonderful family and a few 'true' friends. I have been known to 'take wine' with them from time to time - well, actually, as often as possible!