EU horsetrading over peanuts
1150: The most powerful politicians in Europe are meeting in Brussels, facing what they call "one of the most important changes the EU has ever faced".
There have been mutterings for months that, faced with this immense crisis, the EU should have been bolder, braver and come up with big plans. This summit is an object lesson why that just isn't realistic.
Faced with the immense challenges before them what have these busy leaders spent their time doing? Arguing about how exactly to fund and spend the EU's own money (OK, it's all taxpayers' money in the end, but this is being spent at an EU rather than national level), designed to stimulate Europe's economy.
It amounts to a pretty measly 5bn euros scraped together from down the back of the sofa: peanuts when spread over the EU's 27 countries.
Yet they wrangled and argued for hours about how to carve up the cash. The money will be spent on energy projects, particularly green ones, and new internet connections.
The result is a 12-page document of mind-boggling complexity ("1.020 mil., which would be financed exclusively within heading 2. Eur 600 mil. Would be covered by the 2009 margin under the ceiling of Heading 2").
Everybody gets a piece of the pie. The Nabucco pipeline project, which Germany was blocking, is back in. In return the Germans get a form of words that suggests German Telecom may get preferential, indeed protectionist, treatment in providing internet connections to rural areas. ("Various cooperative arrangements between investors and access-seeking parties to diversify the risk of investment should be permitted," if you really want to know.)
There's the "small isolated islands initiatives" for Cyprus and Malta, an interconnector for a liquid gas terminal for Poland, an Oxyfuel carbon capture project for Spain and so on.
We in the UK get an electricity connection between Ireland and Wales, an offshore wind farm near Aberdeen and four carbon capture projects. Think what it would be like if the EU had serious money to spend.
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