T20 Tizzy
The good news about Twenty20 is that the. Didn't they start the last Ashes tour by getting trounced in the form of cricket so short that even goldfish can get the full picture? Oh dear. And they say hindsight is Twenty20.
I can't deny that since they got dumped out like a garbage bag plonked on a pavement, I've been enjoying the tournament a heck of a lot more.
England are about as easy to predict as my wife's reaction when I come through the front door. One minute the bowlers are fierce and competitive and the batters are committed and brave. The next minute they're trembling like a field of daisies in a summer shower.
The atmosphere for was terrific, mind. Maybe it's not proper cricket, T20, but I'm warming to the whole concept a lot more. It's thrown up a whole new array of things to delight and bewilder and there's every chance that cricket will be awash with all sorts of new phrases by the end of this competition.
You've got front-foot over-the-head flip - I'd call it the 'Tilly-tonk' meself.
You've already got the KP switch-hit but Harbajhan's masterful response of somehow not releasing the ball should have its own moniker - you know when you've been Velcro-ed?
round-arm yorkers are a total one-off an' all and he's already been dubbed the Slinga. There are plenty of highlights to his play, but it's the ones in his barnet that are letting him down.
Malinga bowls like he's knocking a toff's top hat off, or clearing the crockery off a shoulder high table. In fact, what with Murali and Sangakarra and Mendis, I reckon the Sri Lankans are my favourite team in the tournament.
One of the things that no-one's really got a handle on is the tactics for Twenty20. The pundits seem to know even less than the team out there. Clearly the batters have a straightforward task. Get out there and batter it! It's the bowlers who have had to find the craft and guile to counter being thrashed to all parts.
I worried with T20 that the bowlers' roles would be reduced to mere cannon fodder while the batsmen stood in the middle admiring the latest white cherry as it flew up into the next galaxy. Truth is that bowlers have found new reservoirs of guile.
A bowler's pace has varied from express to stopping-at-all-the-stations. Shahid Afridi bowled a 78mph twirler in one game, Harbajhan flighted a last-over delivery at an elegant 46mph when you'd have expected it to be fired in. has spent the tournament trying to remove the toe-nails of the opposition.
In response, batsmen have become more inventive than ever. King Viv and Barry Richards were pretty nimble on their feet but every player nowadays seems to leap about the crease like on uppers.
The spinners, far from being obliterated into history, have become even more vital. Wickies are stumping for fun - and thank goodness Foster is there instead of Prior - and there is a massive variety of stuff going into each ball.
It is cricket for the goldfish-memory generation, of course, but it's pretty enjoyable for all that. It's all over so quickly it sort of defies too much analysis - not that that's stopped me, eh?
I am reminded of the post-match interviews of the quick chats given to the press by 100m sprinters just after they've finished running. 'Usain, take us through the race!'
'Well, as you can see, I start as quickly as I can then I like run really fast and ooh, I've finished first.'
Still, it was dead encouraging how by the Aussie defeat. You're the flaming captain, mate. You work it out!
Ponting's not my cup of tea, really. There's a touch of the George W Bush about the bloke - a lot of cocksure strutting about but a sense that he's not entirely sure what's going on - though it must be added that if Punter's batting was on a par with Dubya's presidency he'd be turning out for the Blue Bell this Sunday - as the drinks carrier.
I'm still of the opinion that it's not proper cricket, that a whole day of slow-paced grind with the ball nipping off the surface and the batsmen chipping away for a foothold is more what it's about.
In other words, cricket should be dull, impenetrable and only for the purists - or so Tony Thompson said in the Bell last night. He insists it's still cricket, just speeded up. He bought a tequila slammer to prove his point. 'All right' he said 'I have to neck this in one, whereas you can savour your real ale... but it's still booze!'
And with that he downed it, wobbled slightly, and had to have a sit-down. But then that's what T20 is. It's breathless, bonkers and downright scruffy sometimes.
Occasionally it's very one-sided - usually when South Africa are muscling teams out the way in an efficient Mourinho's-Chelsea kind of way - but mostly it's as end-to-end as that Champs League quarter-final- and if a sport can make you (not to mention the potentially fuddy-duddies of Lord's) as giddy and grateful as that match did, then let's have more of it.
If England can get a grip on the Aussies for the rest of the summer then the T20 will just be a dimly-remembered fireworks display. And I can't wait for to begin, even if not buying into the Sky monopoly means I'll HAVE to catch as much of it as I can in the pub.
But for now I'll enjoy the crash, bang, wallop for another week. I couldn't be happier if I was the manager ofonly retail outlet for toughened glass windows.
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