Paper Monitor
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
This is getting messier than a false start at the Grand National.
There are loose horsemeat stories running in all directions. Shadowy in the Guardian, a millionnaire factory boss in The Sun.
And in the Mirror? Actual Grand National runners being carved up in front of our very eyes. Possibly.
The paper has 30 minutes before government officials ordered it to be shut down.
The factory's owner, it turns out, has the contract to remove Grand National carcasses from Aintree.
Craig Brown risks starting a national pun shortage in the Daily Mail with a , including A la Carthorse, boil-in-the-nag and, oh go on then, if you must, Horse d' Oeuvre.
But what, wonders Paper Monitor, about David Beckham? What is his role in this quintessentially British tabloid stew?
He could eat legal horsemeat all day if he wanted to, now that he is a Paris St Germain player.
But, the Daily Star, he is pining for simpler pleasures. He is to have pie and mash flown out to France.
The source for the Star's story is "friends" of the veteran midfielder and the only quote comes from Tony, of Tony's pie and mash shop, who reckons Becks is odds-on to order up his favourite dish once he gets settled in Paris.
Sounds like a non-runner to Paper Monitor.