Paper Monitor
11:41 UK time, Monday, 17 September 2012
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Paper Monitor is delivering this column with a spring in its vocal step - lifting its voice to new youthful heights.
Paper Monitor is not of a mind to try plastic surgery. Instead, Paper Monitor is striving naturally to achieve something that many keen to turn back the clock are happy to fork out up to £6000 to achieve - a voice lift.
This is the report in the Daily Mail that says are becoming more popular with business people who think their authority is eroded as their voice ages. The newspaper explains.
Our vocal cords need to be pliable to vibrate thousands of times a minute, producing the puffs of air that help us form sounds. But, like other parts of the body, they age, becoming thinner, and so do not close properly, which affects the voice.
Now, Paper Monitor doesn't recall Marlon Brando's Don Vito Corleone having difficulty commanding respect with his husky voice.
The Mail's adjacent story is enough to make the voices of many parents rise to a shrill note of horror. While businessmen want to make themselves appear younger, the youngsters want to appear more grown up - according to model Liz Hurley, that is.
Next to a picture of a child modelling Hurley's "Mini Cha Cha Bikini" the headline screeches: "Should you really dress little girls in leopard-skin bikinis, Liz?"
Hurley is accused of .
A £47 lilac 'Collette Bikini' for the 8-13 age range, the top of which is held together at the front by a gold ring, is described as being "great for girls who want to look grown up".
But it's the name of the mini outfit that Paper Monitor is intrigued by - isn't a Cha Cha a dance of Cuban origin?
How on earth can one perform complicated, energetic dance moves in an itsy bitsy bikini?
The 
