Paper Monitor
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells is a familiar meme from newspaper letters pages down the years.
But take a quick glance over any paper's missives on any given day and you're drenched in a volcanic eruption of rage.
Readers can get angry over anything. British films having their premiere first in the US. Raaaah. Reality TV stars. Raaaaaaaaaaah. Charity street collectors. Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh.
Paper Monitor doesn't want to sound too much like the Caramel bunny, but couldn't they just take it easy for a bit?
Take today's Sun. Norman from Neath is fuming.
"After the outburst from Tiger Woods over the long rough I have only one word for him: 'Tough'. This is not America where your courses are geared to make it easy. We amateurs play with rough like this, so get on with it."
He's possibly only mildly irked, but Peter from Ipswich is well narked.
"So the French city of Angers want compensation for the murder of Edward Plantagenet. How about compensation for the soldiers, sailors and airmen killed defending and liberating France in two world wars."
The story in question struck Paper Monitor as merely a fun publicity stunt from a bored city council. They're not really going to claim compensation for a 16th Century killing, are they Peter?
Over in the Daily Mail, sweeping generalisations are the order of the day.
Two opening paragraphs:
"Nobody, not even the French, objects to people making a lot of money...", writes Peter. In France. Paper Monitor appreciates you can speak for the French and the British, but nobody in the whole world? Not Class War or the WRP? Really?
And then:
"You don't have to be a seafarer to know the meaning of 'bosun' (boatswain or bo's'n), a warrant officer of petty officer in charge of a ship's deck, crew, rigging, anchors and cables," writes Neil in Co Down.
Paper Monitor can only surmise that Neil lives in a world entirely inhabited by pub quiz buffs.
Then over in the Daily Star, there's Textmaniacs...