Paper Monitor
09:59 UK time, Tuesday, 20 December 2011
A service highlighting the richness of the daily press.
Though naturally this column favours ink and paper above keyboards and screens, Paper Monitor is a great fan of the Twitter account which curates examples of egregious boasts framed in superficially self-deprecating language.
So Paper Monitor is delighted to come across an article in the Daily Telegraph in which the title's regular writers It is stuffed with humblebrags galore.
Take this offering by Allison "I don't know how she does it" Pearson:
You have moved around too much in your young life. As a consequence, you are often lonely, feel perpetually on the edge of a friendship group that shifts like quicksand so you take refuge in a fantasy world peopled by characters you have invented who find you mesmerisingly beautiful and fascinating. This does not make you a sad weirdo. It makes you a writer.
It gets better. "Remember, the girls whose names are called first when choosing teams for netball have no power to spoil your future," types Pearson. "Life's early winners often fall away. Your time will come."
Paper Monitor's favourite humblebrag of all, however, is this one, again from Pearson:
Please promise me something. On the first night at Cambridge, don't hide in your room, OK? You think that you're not the equal of the other freshers in that dining hall. Actually, you're better than them because you had to struggle so very hard to stand on the same mountain top.
An honourable mention must, however, go to sport writer Henry Winter, for a very Telegraph-esque take on the humblebrag. "Slow down, you move too fast, you gawky plonker. Appreciate the world around you. You're 16, singing in a choir in Westminster Abbey and you just don't understand the amazing privilege."
Likewise, columnist Jeff Randall begins his contribution with the line: "You've just discovered strong drink, slow horses and fast women."
Frankly, it sounds to Paper Monitor as though the 16-year-old Randall doesn't need advice from anyone.
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