成人快手

Hurry up Rudolf, you should have gone before we left.

Thanks to central heating, Santa had had to slim down to get through those decorative chimneys

鈥淚 can鈥檛 wait to see little Charlie Gilmour鈥檚 face when he opens the Ladybird Book of History I鈥檝e got for him!鈥�

Well, David Beckham said his wife wanted some firs for Christmas

Now, where's my sleigh? I could have sworn I left it in Zone C.

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Due to economic cutbacks, Santa's sack was a lot smaller this year

Poor Santa had to walk - his sleigh had been clamped yet again

Santa makes his first appearance in Lilliput

I know i parked the ruddy sleigh around here somewhere

After dropping his glasses, Santa couldn't see the forest OR the trees.

Ring my bell, indeed.

Ring my bell, indeed.

well i got a job in Atlanta in a mall playing Santa,It wasn't because i was it i was the only one the suit would fit.

I'd better do some gardening, thought Santa. Hoe, hoe, hoe.

Santa hated it when reindeer games included hide and seek.

In the Land of the Giants, they have a giant Santa.

Lapland New Forest it is not.

Santa regretted dropping the sledge keys

This Christmas tree farm is a real growth industry

I'd better get these trees trimmed before they become dangerous, thought Santa, ever-mindful of Elf and Safety

Now into the loft to get the baubles

For the Christmas deliveries, the Royal Mail launches the posties winter overalls.

Santa was disappointed. He was told it was going to rein deer.....

(oh, come on , someone was going to say it)

Does my "baum" look big in this?

"Like Tate Britain, for me the challenge was to present a tree that was naturally effortless or, put another way, I couldn't be arsed." said Father Christmas.

They really are starting to take liberties with this buy one get one free offer.

Giant Santa terrorises Norway

This year, Santa had decided reindeer camouflage was the way to beat the quarantine laws.

For goodness sake, the last sack and I've run out of houses......

By the shape of the outfit, we can now understand how Santa can organise everything so every boy and girl on the planet gets a present delivered all in the one evening - Santa's a woman

They really were taking liberties with this buy one get one free offer.

"Flamin' roof gardens - it takes me all night to find the chimney."

Santa was at his local branch The North Pole

Stupid red nose, thought Santa - I'm going for a Sat Nav instead next year

Santa had one last present to deliver, but he couldn't find Chris Mustry anywhere

Santa wasn't very bright and just couldn't remember what you did to get the baubles to grow.

I enjoy getting the sack, actually.

Having been sacked, Stuart Baggs returns to the Isle of Man

Santa kept forgetting about the Gregorian calendar change...

Now where did I put the lumps of coal?

With his sack nearing empty, and a long list of mothers-in-law and slightly eccentric aunts and uncles to go, it was time for Santa to start his yearly search for a garage open on Christmas eve.

Father Christmas regretted pinching the cake labelled "Eat me" from Alice's house

Thanks to Coalition austerity cuts, Santa gets the sack!

'How not to be seen' - the new generation

Well, that's the kids sorted out, thought Santa - now for presents for all the dogs in the world

Pete Doherty had alot of explaining to do. Again...

never mind going green I want a quad bike to speed up deliveries.

If a tree falls in the forest, but Santa's there to hear...

That's it, thought Santa - Eddie Stobart can deliver the lot next year

Being new to 'Photo-shop', Fritz always struggled with perspective, as his early work entitled "Santa in Norway" shows...

I'm afraid you've failed the pre flight security check Santa. Yes and the Elves did it are not satisfactory answers to 'Are you carrying anything for somebody else?' and 'Did you pack your bags yourself?'

That's the last time I hide in C. S. Lewis' wardrobe, thought Santa

Having secreted herself away, Mrs Claus was about to catch Santa smoking at last.

The real Richard Attenborough has finally been found...

Santa hadn't realised his grotto in Harrod's was so big

And the Daisy Red Ryders are hidden where??

On the thirteenth day of Christmas, Santa visits a council recycling yard near Dorking

Santa's FOD walkdown would be especially thorough that morning

Santa announces his support for the "Save the Reindeerforest" Campaign

Typical, not a Porta Loo in sight

Sat-nav or not, Santa was starting to doubt the presence of any good children in this part of the Siberian forest...

Santa had brought presents for Alan Titchmarsh, Tommy Walsh and Charlie Dimmock - hoe, hoe, hoe

Santa attempts to deliver Ann Widdecombe's present personally, after her last dance routine launched her intercontinentally

Santa goes to visit his psychiatrist after he realises he no longer believes in himself

Wretched elves! They've taken the sledge joy riding again.

Santa was gratified to receive so many Christmas wish emails from children around the world - especially as he had no intention of buying a computer

Dave: "Come on everyone, we're all in Christmas together... aren't we...? Hello? Anyone...?"

Santa was determined to show Mrs Claus he did not need to ask for directions.

Crimewatch has released this CCTV photograph of a man they wish to interview for breaking and entering

Santa prepares to fill his sack full of cones for the M5 motorway maintenance team

"You're not a Santa, Mr Baggs. You're not even an elf. Now get out - you're fired"!

It's a long walk for Santa, after he was sleigh-jacked at the traffic lights.

After the recent political upheaval, no one believed in Saint Nick any more.

Due to government cut backs, Santa is feeling the pinch.

Having been advised by the Conservative/Lib-Dem coalition on what would be suitable in these financially constrained times, Santa's sack was not going to stretch an awfully long way this year...

Santa's sack was already showing the effects of the government austerity measures

But are they Fir Trade christmas trees?

After one too many brandies, Santa has been stripped of his license to sleigh.

Last year, 15 Santas with giant, bulging sacks had been deployed solely to deliver largesse from the Education department to students. This year, it's a bit quieter...

Elf and safety regulations required a walkdown of the runway

The Griswold children thought that by increasing the number of trees, they could confuse Santa into leaving more presents.

Father Christmas is the latest celebrity to bring out a Christmas Slimming DVD

All these Christmas trees and we only managed to get one Santa present

Yo, ho, fi, fum, I smell the crud of an Apprenticeman...

Come out, Assange... I know you're in there...

Turn left at the tree that looks like a bear, then right at the bear that looks like tree

Is it tree time yet?

My bad, I thought you said THREE wishes

Having left Mary Christmas at home Santa was pine-ing for some company鈥�

"It's all right, Julian, you can come out. I'm from LAPLAND, not Sweden. Honest."

"...and naughty children across the land will fear the wrath of Burglar Claus..."

Sunday 26th: Even the bloomin' Garden Centre was shut.

..and a big train set, because I鈥檝e been very good this year.

Yours hopefully,
Little Jimmy.

p.s. Where we live is easy to find - turn left at the 47th Christmas tree on the left, then a right at the 27th on the right..

"Bloomin' Tate Gallery Christmas trees..."

After years of nagging from Mrs Claus, Santa finally decided that walking on Christmas Eve may be the fastest way to get in shape

"...not just yet- let it crush Slough first, then open fire with everything we've got..."

Santa gets a shock to see that his sleigh was towed away in the 5 minutes it took him to go down the last chimney

I'm a santa clone and,
I'm all alone,
I flown
from north pole but
my sleigh got snow blown...

Santaland Diaries - The Case of the Missing Sledge