Paper Monitor
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press red tops.
As the Simon Cowell publicity juggernaut storms onwards to world domination, Monday has become X Factor Day in the tabloids.
But on today's evidence, the Daily Mirror is karaoke crooner to the Sun's soaring soprano.
On its front page, the Mirror proudly trumpets the results of last night's show - "X Factor shock as Aiden goes out" - thereby telling 12 million people what they already know. The rest of its readership didn't tune in because they probably didn't care.
In contrast, the Sun has a real story from backstage, which will at least satisfy those that do watch the show.
One of the contestants, Katie Waissel, has apparently released a single in the US, although it's another fact that surprises Paper Monitor more - the paper says she also has a reality show in that country, which kind of undermines the principle that it's all about searching for undiscovered talent.
Elsewhere in the Sun, there's a double page homage to its page three girl, who is 40 this week.
Perhaps Paper Monitor should re-phrase that. Today's topless model is half that age (Hollie, 20, from Manchester, reflects wittily on the latest discovery by paleontologists, whom she describes as "old fossils"), but it's the concept that's 40 years old.
So what's the first page three girl up to? Stephanie Rahn, now 62, tells the paper she has been celibate for 21 years and never married.
The highlight of her acting career was playing Lady Marie in a Mel Brooks film.
Which one?
If it was Men in Tights, Paper Monitor could sign off with some joke about Women Without Tights.
But it was History of the World: Part 1.