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Christmas Naivete Play

100% energy saving bulbs

Bling for houses.

Because of the lights, Santa easily found Rolf's house ... as did three Jumbo jets and an Airbus

I was going to get SuBo to do it but she's allergic to Smurfs.

Unfortunately, Rolf had no money left over to pay for Angela Merkel to officially turn on the lights

I've just come round to do the energy survey for your ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Information Pack.

Climate change? Isn't that something the English worry about?

Sublety had never been Rolf's strong point.

Take that Clark Griswold

The land that taste forgot.

Calle twinned with Walsall

My inspiration? Manfred Mann's 'Blinded By the Light'.

Damn the power grid, full steam ahead

Rolf has an illuminated address

No zoom required on Google Earth

Lighting Up had a different meaning once Rolf became a non smoker

Am I worried about global warming? No, chuck another aerosol on the barbie I say, it's freezing around here at this time of the year.

Rolf was upset to find the lamps didn't work at first and so had to test them one-by-one

I wear my sunglasses at night

Bavarian Illuminati.

Achtung Mein Herr Friends have diverted Luxembourg's power supply for me

Yes, and next year we are adding pyrotechnics

Hole in the Ozone Layer discovered above Germany.

No cement, just readybrek.

I bought a job lot on Amazon when Woolies went into Liquidation

It was all going so well, until next door's Alsatian decided to answer the call of nature. He was found three streets away wearing a very surprised and pained expression.

Ah!!! Headquarters of the Illuminati. So its true!

Don't mention the Watts.

"Under new health and safety regulations, I regret I will be unable to visit your house this year, yours, Santa"

When the electricity sub-station suddenly blew up, Rolf was de-lighted

Can you guess what it is yet?!

Out of the darkness of servitude through bloody conflict to the light of freedom...

Light. Camera. Achtung!

Yes its powered by 20,000 migrant workers running on treadmills

Unfortunately, the heat melted all the gingerbread

Little does he know the massive surge in electricity has caused his neighbour's home dialysis machine to fail.

Lights. Camera. Achtung!

I used to be a Guard on the Berlin wall and i missed the glare of the searchlights

The House That Jerk Built

Rolf suspected he had found the reason for his exorbitant electricity bill

#"I was a fool to wander astray,
For straight is the gate and narrow is the way.
Now I have traded the wrong for the right;
Praise the Lord, I saw the light!"

Arnold can you see me?

I decided for a more subtle approach this year, confessed Rolf. I thought that my display last year was just too garish!

And with this button I switch all the power from the Hadron Collider to my house.

Rolf used to work for Trinity House and was used to living in a light house

... and then I put the wicked witch in her own microwave and switched it on.

His favourite song is White Christmas by Bling Crosby.

I would have had it done earlier but it's taken most of the autumn to untangle the damn things from last year.

I take the 'Let there be light' part very seriously...

Many Hans make light work.

"Look at the colours on my new two storey, flat-screen plasma TV."

Have yourself a scary little Christmas

Rolf's wife was furious - she'd meant him to get tulip bulbs

Yes, and untangling them took me most of the year.

Rolf now waited resignedly for the charge of the light brigade

If I press this button, the TV will change channels.

Actually it is visible at 40,000 feet

Christmas celebrates the birth of Jesus in a stable - Rolf's Christmas is rather more unstable

Large Hadron Collider dwarfed by ingenious German Engineering.

Sun arise, bring in the morning; Ha, this is midnight.

We all wear eye masks at night actually

Frohes a jolly good fellow

Who needed Sat Nav to find this address? Just follow the light.

It diverts attention away from my terrible anorak!

Vorsprung, durch, double A's.

For those people who wonder how we won the last war, Rolf provides the answer

Und they are all precisely 1.5cm apart

Don't worry, I have send Santa his sun glasses, we don't want him to be dazzled now, do we?

By the look of his thin face, Rolf must have saved up for this by cutting out all food

I think it captures the spirit of Christmas. Excessive, garish and, like the fuses, over blown.

Don't mention the warmth

No, no, my wife is cooking turkey, that's why you can smell burning ... I hope

Fluff Freeman's body double turns up for the big switch on.
Merry Christmas? Not 'arf!

And next year, I'm introducing trams too, just like Blackpool

The landing lights for the reindeer are now active.

The house is now fully illuminated ... unlike Rolf's brain

Residents of Calle with Electric Cookers are advised to allow an extra 20 minutes for their turkeys this year. This is due to an unexplained drop in electrical power.

Lighten up, it is Christmas.

And here we see a typical example of a man trapped in a loveless marriage.

The most disturbing thing about this is that Rolf is actually proud of it all

The main problem we have is moths

James May never really understood why Jeremy laughed at him so much...

Silent night, holy night, all is calm, all is bright – flipping eck! This is way bright – aaagh help, my eyes, my eyes.

If you want to see Rolf's house, it's the one with the red door

Rolf was sure the carol singers wouldn’t miss his house this year.

"All my neighbours laughed when I started in July, but look who's laughing now!"

Auf Wiedersehen Pest

Not even Santa's cataracts was going to stop Rolf getting his presents this year!!

Drop in any time - just don't touch anything made of metal

Ever since Rolf was a little boy, he was never sure why Santa had always passed his house by. So this year, he made sure that Santa would know just where to find him.

Christmas? Do you know, I'd forgotten all about it.

Das Vegas

After being called a geek by the Freesat managing director, Rolf was determined to create a scene that showed the problem with ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ HD's picture quality. If only he could work out how to make it move.

The Calle of the Reviled.

Rolf was determined that the controversial Google street mapping car would not get a chance to photograph his house...

Hope Santa won't miss my house this year like last time

Who needs HAARP?

now i am going to get bored as they are no more plug for the tv

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