Paper Monitor
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Ronnie Wood and the young Russian cocktail waitress said to have caused him to come crashing off the wagon have both long since flown his Irish bolthole.
The Rolling Stone is in rehab, and she is holed up in a "shabby flat" in Kentish Town. (Those familiar with this careworn corner of the capital will no doubt concur with the Sun's description of the rental accommodation on offer.)
The paper has tracked down Ekaterina - it again puts her age at 20 - popping out for "cans of lager and a kebab". Looks more like she's been on a Pret run from the photos alongside.
The paper has also dug into its picture archives to find images of a young Jo Wood, claiming she looks just like Ekaterina (why does Paper Monitor keep starting to type "Electra"?) with her "long blonde hair and pouting lips". It is, frankly, a struggle to spot the resemblance, especially as that description could equally apply to Amii, 22, on page three and to the bloke on page six. If you can stomach the idea that Boris Johnson pouts.
The man at the apex of this imbroglio is also set to break his silence, in the Financial Times. Hold up, the Financial Times?!? "TOMORROW Ronnie Wood has Lunch with the FT" runs its promo line for a regular weekend feature that must not normally have tabloid editors fuming in their Ferraris.
The paper is in the pink with this one. Talk about timing. But before stampeding to the newsagents on Saturday, remember that he is unlikely to have spilled all over lobster thermidor. This lunch will have taken place well before Wood's admittance to a celebrity relaxation facility, and so well before the FT knew it had any sort of scoop.