Paper Monitor
13:40 UK time, Wednesday, 2 July 2008
A (tardy) service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
It's Andy Murray's big day at Wimbledon and the Sun has pulled out all the stops to embrace him as their own. In what is surely not the dour Scot's own words, the front page reads: "Andy: I oughta slaughter bloke from Majorca (... in the quarter)".
Don't you just love a rhyme stretched until the pips squeak?
The Daily Mirror chips in with "YOUR TIM HAS COME". Here's hoping not, eh?
And it wouldn't be a big sporting occasion without a cut-out-and-keep style wheeze from the tabs. Sure enough, Sun man Gordon Tait makes his own Murray muscles from a tennis ball cut in half and tucked inside his T-shirt sleeves - oh, and spray-painted "pasty white to match Andy's skin tone".
Harsh, but true, especially when compared and contrasted with his bronzed rival Nadal. The lad is indeed a true Scot, a nation whose complexion was once described by Billy Connolly: "Being Scottish I'm pale blue - it takes me a week to get white." That was back in the days when sunscreen with an SPF of 26 was considered extreme.
Meanwhile, the Independent gives over its front page to Cherie Blair, worried about the surge in knife crime. But after reading the Times, all Paper Monitor can think of is two dread words. Contraceptive. Equipment.
For that paper's sketch writer Ann Treneman riffs delightfully on how Mrs Blair arrived to testify before ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Affairs Committee with a thought bubble bobbing above her head, visible to everyone in the room. And what do you think it read?
The 
