Paper Monitor
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
So it's farewell to Fidel. And it's no prizes for guessing which paper made the most of this world leader's departure from the international stage. In fact, it could be argued that Castro's retirement is the Independent's equivalent of a red top's Premier League kiss-and-tell. It has an orgy of coverage spread over five pages.
His retirement was covered by all of the papers with various pictures of El Comandante in his military regalia. Paper Monitor is only sorry not to spot just one photograph of the former leader in his baggy Adidas tracksuit. Perhaps it would even have been enough to attract the younger Cuban voters? Oh, but silly Paper Monitor, that would of course involve "that-which-cannot-be-named" (clue: it begins with a D and rhymes with "ocracy").
Moving swiftly on, staying with the subject of slightly craggy-faced foreigners, the Daily Mail pities the poor angler who, thinking he was reeling in a weighty pike, found a "deadly" giant snakehead at the end of his line.
The predator, more often found "terrorising the warm waters of south-east Asia" was plucked from the water… in Lincolnshire, despite being on a list of banned imports into the UK.
Hang on a minute, is that the Mail mentioning an illegal foreigner without blaming the government's immigration laws? A first surely?
However, some readers could be excused for missing this story, having been distracted by the oversized aftershave advert underneath of actor Ewan McGregor posing with rucksack and motorbike against an exotic misty mountainside backdrop.
Is the A-list star, with his diverse repertoire of films including Trainspotting, Moulin Rouge and Star Wars, in danger of becoming typecast? If only Che Guevara's Motorcycle Diaries hadn't been done as a film as recently as 2004.
Poor Ewan.