Paper Monitor
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
It's to the Times supplement, times2 (lower case because it's lovable and frothy), that Paper Monitor turns for the burning question of the day.
On its front cover, above a picture of Liz Hurley, it asks "Why is this woman famous?" and offers suggestions such as being a brilliant actress and (rather unkindly) being Hugh Grant's ex.
Full marks for investigative journalism but its rival, g2 (also lower case because proper nouns are soooooo serious) in the Guardian considers Hurley in more sparkling prose.
The wedding (did you know she got married this week, or was it last week? Or was it both?), it says, was "modern celebrity wedding with an Indian twist" - which means over-done in two countries, not just one.
"In celebrity weddings, as in life, it all gets so much worse when Elton John is invited," writes Zoe Williams.
There are flashbacks to other nuptials and their oddities - Celine Dion (camels), Jordan (Cinderella carriage), Mills-McCartney (£100,000 flowers) and Liza Minnelli (Martine McCutcheon).
Paper Monitor is glad one can still rely on the Daily Mirror to highlight the folly of the rest of Fleet St in missing the big story of the day. Its front page splash is Richard Madeley shaking his fist at a TV camera in an "astonishing live outburst" at a girl mugger who robbed his daughter Chloe.
Journalistic perfection such as that is impossible to top but the Daily Mail gives it a try with one of its favourite themes - humiliating female celebrities about their bodies. This time it's "The curse of saggy knees"...