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Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?

Jeff Zycinski | 19:43 UK time, Sunday, 19 October 2008

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I offer you some heartfelt advice if you are planning to hob nob with the rich and famous. First of all, you have to dress the part. In the photograph above you can see how easy it is to get that wrong. Wearing the t-shirt and baggy shorts you bought at Primark in Inverness is not going to impress anyone down at the marina.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, of course. If only I had considered these things before leading the Zed family into Puerto Calero last night. It is to Lanzarote what Gleneagles is to Scotland. The marina is lined with little bistros, wine bars and restaurants and behind that lies a precinct of designer boutiques. Its where you buy those shirts with the little green crocodile on them. The sort of shops where they have about half a dozen cashmere jumpers folded on white plinths like an art installation. Oh, and the obligatory bored shop assistant with a face straight off the cover of Vogue.

It´s not the place where you can pick up three pairs of white sports socks for a quid, or even a Euro. It was stupid of me to ask, really.

As I say, hindsight is a wonderful thing.

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