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iGod's narrator writes...

Greetings humble reader,

The Parallel Beatles once sung: "All you need is love... But failing that a shiny gadget will do." That's why, whatever you unwrapped on Christmas morning, I'm betting you got at least one of the following TOP 3 MOST POPULAR GADGETS OF 2010:

1. The Automated Eulogy Machine - "with over 50 realistic, heartfelt generic anecdotes this little babe really takes the hassle out of family funerals".
2. The Pia-yes! - "An all-new, much more positive, version of the Piano".
3. The Wireless Pigeon - "Like a pigeon, but without the wires!".

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But if you ask me, technology is about as helpful as a concrete teddy bear is cuddly. Sure, technology keeps you folks happy, but only in the same way that a pacifier-shaped grenade can keep a baby happy for five minutes. Eventually --- KA-BOOM!

...Which bring us neatly onto the fate of Parallel Earth 404, which you can hear about in Episode Three of iGod tonight at 11pm on Radio 4. I'll be telling you how 404 was dragged into the cosmic Recycle Bin when Ian and Technology combined. Y'see, the people of 404 had a kind of love-hate relationship with gadgets...

And through the wonders of Technology you can still listen to Episode Two where Ian's swollen Ego wrote Parallel Earth 413's Globituary.
Enjoy, gadget gannets!

Yours,
Exalted Narrator

iGod is on Wednesday nights at 11pm on Radio 4 until Jan 19th. It stars David Soul (Starsky and Hutch) as the Narrator and Simon Day (Bellamy's People) as Ian

It's Christmas! That must mean it's time for The Now Show Panto. And it is. Here's producer Colin Anderson with more:

Since this was our Christmas Panto recording our engineers, Marc and Gary, pulled out all the stops and put up the special showbiz star curtain (above). We hope you'll agree that it adds an extra sparkle to the show!

The Now Show Christmas Crackers

Steve Punt and Hugh Dennis are joined by Mitch Benn, Marcus Brigstocke, Jon Holmes, Laura Shavin and a special guest for tomorrow's panto special. As if that wasn't exciting enough, they've been releasing an new Christmas Cracker joke every day this week. Here's today's:

• Watch more Christmas Crackers.

Tune in to The Now Show Christmas Panto on Christmas Eve at 6.30pm on Radio 4

Welcome to the third installment of Leila Johnston's indespensable guide to how to behave like a normal person in everyday life.

Following last week's shopping advice, here's Leila's guide to saving money - remember these lessons when you're feeling a bit strapped for cash after Christmas. Click on the flashing circles to proceed:

Animation by

8 Top Money Saving Tips

"Money is the root of all evil, but what is the root of all money?" asked Ayn Rand, who never invented a successful app. But she was onto something - how to best cope with this necessary evil? To help out you and Ayn, I've come up with some simple tips:

1. Cut corners. If you pay peanuts you get monkeys, which sounds absolutely brilliant. It's also a great way to screen out applicants with peanut allergies without actually having to put it on the form.
2. Bet. British children hope it will snow at Christmas - British adults bet on it. Snow itself avoids Christmas Day as a cliché, but places increasingly optimistic wagers on the discovery of alien life. No one is immune, because to bet is to hope, and The National Lottery is the biggest hope of them all. Entering 'lucky' numbers won't help. Sticking a pin in the phonebook won't help. However, if you scratch off where it says "DO NOT REMOVE" on a scratchcard, someone in the world will die.
3. Borrow. A loan is a way of spending money from the future, but be aware that 'Thinkpence' from the year 2133 aren't currently accepted in present-day shops. Except the Apple Store.
4. Bank. Banks charge for everything, but you can still get some value out of them: while you're waiting for a cashier, thread small paper slips into the notes slot at the ATM with things like "Help! I'm trapped in here!" written on them.
5. Beware the false economy. This is when something initially seems like a good deal, but after a while you realise you're going to be paying £500 a year on your sofa until the human race dies out. Two related examples of false economies include doing an arts degree and keeping your own cow.
6. Be sensible. There's a common misconception that "Money must be funny", to which I reply: Richard Curtis.
7. Invest in Property. If you can afford it, invest in a really nice house with everything you need, like a toilet right there in the living room. Everyone knows that renting is just money down the drain - as are wishing wells.
8. Be resourceful. For example, if you're a tramp, you could make a bit more money by pretending you're just dressed up as a tramp for halloween.

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How to Behave in the Outside World will return in the new year.

iGod's Narrator writes...

Greetings humble reader,

Y'know, you dopes are always trying to predict what's going to end the world. Hell, I've heard just about every theory going: "global warming", "bankrupt biosphere", "origami tsunami", "immigrant plastic bags", "virulent hypochondria pandemic", "Top Gear stunt", "terrorist chocolate orange", "pyjama-geddon", "llama-geddon", "we'll all be haunted to death by the furious ghosts of plughole bacteria"... The list goes on and on and on, and then stops.

The truth is, trying to predict the apocalypse is as stupid as trying to perform intrusive orthodontic surgery on a famished hippo, whilst dressed as a giant marble from the tabletop game Hungry Hungry Hippos. That's because - as my new Radio 4 show iGod proves - the possibilities and varieties of apocalypse are far greater than you folks could ever imagine... I guess, apocalypses are like pasta or breakfast pastries, in that respect.

Each week in iGod, I'll be showing you how the population of a different parallel world was accidentally wiped out by an ordinary bloke called Ian. In last week's Episode One, Ian inadvertently caused the mass extinction of parallel earth 5003 through his dodgy cooking. If you chumps and chumpettes missed it - you can listen here for ONE MORE DAY.

And in Episode Two at 11pm tonight or on iPlayer from tomorrow , Ian unintentionally wrecks parallel earth 413 when his Ego gets out of control and he falls deeply in love with himself. Check out this EXCLUSIVE PREVIEW CLIP in which a self-lovestruck Ian takes himself out on a date with himself:

In coming weeks, bubblewrap addiction, designer diseases, reverse strip clubs, robots based on Ian (Iandroids, if you will), a mini meteorite, and the Pope's cheese sandwich all contribute to the Ian-inflicted accidental armageddon.

So tune in to iGod. It's been described as "delightful and scary at the same time". Basically, it's like eating cake at gunpoint. Mmmm... Enjoy, folks...

Yours,

Exalted Narrator.

iGod is on Wednesday nights at 11pm on Radio 4 until Jan 19th. It stars David Soul (Starsky and Hutch) as the Narrator and Simon Day (Bellamy's People) as Ian.

For the last month or two I've been working on some web stuff to tie in with Come Fly With Me. In a way what I've been doing is writing a comedy spin-off book for the show. Only as a website and before the programme has started.

Matt Lucas and David Walliams are the main writers on their new series but my writing partner and I contributed some material so I had an idea of who was who. The brief the online team came up with was to write some spoof websites connected with the programme's characters. Matt and David were spending 71 hours a day in the make-up chair and Andy was finishing his own cartoon book (The Return Of The Bunny Suicides can be found in all good stockings) but I was available and eager.

We've made a duty-free catalogue, an online check-in, parodies of budget airline ads and all sorts of other stuff. Some very clever people at have designed it and coded it and we hope you like it.

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Because the show starts on Christmas Day and what we've made is rather like an interactive comedy book, that got me thinking about them. I don't believe I can remember a Christmas Day where I wasn't given the latest Young Ones or Adam & Joe or Father Ted book. You know how Paul Daniels has a massive library of magic volumes that he obtained at great expense? Well I'm like that with funny books, except I got them from my parents or from charity shops and none of them are worth anything. But all the same I love them.

I've got Go To Bed With Jonathan Ross and Fist of Fun and all the Not The Nine O'Clock News ones and Lenny Henry's Well-Hard Paperback. Your favourite book as a child may have been The Hobbit or Harry Potter, mine was The Goodies Book Of Criminal Records. Most of my knowledge of comedy history has been gleaned from these books. Like did you know that the head of ITV, Peter Fincham, contributed to Janet Lives With Mel and Griff? Or that Green Wing creator Vicky Pile cut her teeth on the Three of A Kind book?

In Phil Norman's he traces the history of comedy books since medieval times but I think their present evolution came about around the publication of the Monty Python Big Red Book in 1971. Before that I think you've got funny stories and annuals - both great but not quite what I define as a comedy book which essentially is a load of bits and pieces jammed together with contrasting visual styles in a scrapbook format. Preferably there should be pictures of paper clips holding it together and preferably a tea ring printed on one of the pages.

I think I love them because, at their best, they're so dense with jokes and ideas. Certainly by the time of The Goodies File (1974) a 'found documents' format was hit upon which didn't need changing for Week Ending's The Cabinet Leaks (1985) and was still good enough for this year's excellent Thick Of It book The Missing DoSAC Files.

Andy and I always wanted to work on comedy books and pretty early on in our career we got our chance when we were asked write a couple of pieces for Goodbye, the Spitting Image royal comedy book special, whose commercial chances were scuppered by the fact it had the words 'free to shoplifters' on the cover and was banned by WH Smith.

A good comedy book must cost a fair bit to put together. They are I'm sure a far less lucrative format than comedians' autobiographies but I find them much more entertaining. Luckily they are still being produced (check out the lush new Armstrong and Miller hardback – we wrote a few pages) and may they continue to be made for as long as formats exist to be spun off from.

So enjoy all the Come Fly With Me web content. We've made quite a lot and we've scented it slightly with tangerine to give it that 'unwrapped on Christmas morning' feel. And once you've read it all you can print it off and take it to the Sue Ryder shop where someone like me will be waiting to buy it.

Come Fly With Me begins on Christmas Day at 10pm on ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ One

Rock & Chips creator John Sullivan writes...

The 90-minute Rock & Chips film which was aired last January ended on the 2nd November, 1960, with the Trotter Family ensconced in their new high-rise council flat with the addition of the just born baby Rodney.

We now join them a couple of months later and find the family more impoverished than ever; Joan lost both her part-time jobs the moment The Ritz Cinema management and the Peckham Town Hall hierarchy discovered she was pregnant - in those days pregnancy was viewed as a sackable offence.

Reg Trotter has had his dole money stopped and Ted Trotter, is waiting out the next 8 years until he gets his state pension.

But despite this things are actually looking up. Del, who, although "officially" still at school, has a profitable, albeit unlicensed, spot on the corner of Peckham Rye market selling American records - records which come from the crews of various American ships which moor in the London docks, that aren't even available in the UK shops yet and therefore making a lot of money which pays the family's bills. And Joan's old job of ice-cream girl at the Ritz has become available and she is desperately looking for a baby-sitter so she can get back to work again.

The one cloud on the horizon from the 12th floor balcony of Sir Walter Raleigh House (it'll be a few more years before it's renamed Nelson Mandela House) is the possible release of Freddy "The Frog" Robdal who has been remanded in The Scrubs for the robbery on a jewellers shop in Margate during The Jolly Boys' Outing. Only two people (Joan and Fred) know that he is the biological father of the eight week old Rodney and Joan fears (knows) that Fred is a possessive man and may come looking for what he sees as his.

And indeed, within a few hours of his release, Fred comes looking for her - but has he come looking to cause mayhem or, in the paraphrased words of the old American folk song, has "the Frog come a courting?"

Read the rest of this entry

Update: Potential dates for workshops are:

• Friday 25th February
• Saturday 26th February
• Friday 11th March
• Saturday 12th March
• Friday 25th March
• Saturday 26th March.

Hot on the heels of Laughing Stock comes another great writing opportunity specifically for those in the North East of England. Here's the official word from the launch:

One of the North East's finest home grown comedians, Bob Mortimer, is fronting a region-wide search for the next generation of comedy talent.

A partnership between ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ North/Vision North and screen agency Northern Film & Media, Jesting About is a multiplatform initiative that will find and develop the best comedy talent in the North East.

Launched on 13 December at Newcastle's Live Theatre, Jesting About will give North East performers, writers, film makers and animators the chance to pitch comedy ideas, scripts and sketches to a panel of ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ commissioners.

Bob Mortimer with North East students at the Jesting About Launch

Middlesbrough-born Bob Mortimer, speaking at the Jesting About launch said: "Some of the funniest people I have ever met come from the North East, but not enough of them are recognised … let's try to change this and make the North East the comedy capital of the UK."

Bob Mortimer also met with students from five North East Universities at a special event prior to the launch. Undergraduates heard from key speakers Jon Mountague, Executive Producer ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Comedy North (Inn Mates, Scallywagga), Martin Trickey, Commissioning Executive Comedy Multiplatform (The X Husband) and Alfie Joey - ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Newcastle breakfast presenter, encouraging aspiring comedians and future producers to get involved.

³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Comedy Online (that's us!) is looking for humorous short form videos, virals and animations. ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Local Radio is offering the chance to be part of a half hour sketch show made up of two minute mini-episodes for broadcast to North East listeners. For the more experienced narrative comedy writer, there is an opportunity to join a writing team piloting a new ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ One comedy series.

During February and March successful applicants will attend workshops and receive support to help develop their ideas into pilots. This final content will be presented at a Jesting About showcase in April 2011 for commissioning editors, giving a distinctive flavour of the North East through talent and content.

How to apply- updated

Jesters from all walks of life and levels of expertise, from budding stand ups to witty script writers, will be able to submit their funniest ideas for TV, radio and online opportunities by downloading the briefs and application form below and following the instructions. Right-click and 'save as...' to download your preferred format:

• Briefs: |
• Application Form: |
• FAQ: |

In the meantime... why not watch Bob Mortimer in action in Angelos Epithemiou's Moving On?

Haaaaappppyyyy Chhrriiissstmassss!Ìý I LOVE Christmas. Can't get enough of mulled wine, a roaring fire, fairy lights, mince pies, even ice skating. I'm quite good - I can even go backwards. Oh yes, you heard it here first.

So, I was thrilled to be able to write a Christmas episode. It was like we had our own Christmas when we filmed it. Although I did film one scene on location outside of the studios on a very hot day in September and did not enjoy wearing a thick jumper, hat and scarf. If you so desire, you can look closely at the scene of me in the post office and there is definitely a very sweaty upper lip area. I know - sexy. Hello boys!

So I've gone all out and gone very Christmassy on the episode - there's singing, there's Christmas jumpers, there's presents, there's a hunky guest actor... it's got it all, and we meet my sitcom father for the first time.

And as this is the final episode I will now bid you adieu. Thanks so much for watching and your support - it means a lot.Ìý I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and Happy Happy New Year. Here's to a fab 2011 all round!

Love Miranda x

Watch the Miranda Christmas Special tonight at 8.30pm on ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Two.

• Then catch up with Miranda again as she remembers events that shaped 2010 - or would have done if they had actually happened - in 2010 Unwrapped with Miranda Hart on Tuesday 28th December at 11pm on ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Two.
  

What with the finals of Strictly Come Dancing and The Apprentice this weekend, it occurred to us that we've amassed quite a few TV parody sketches that we're rather proud of. In case you missed them, here are a few of our favourites! I like Masterchef the best...

Strictly Come Dancing

Strictly Come Dancing... with semi-domesticated fowl.

The Apprentice

And you thought the candidates who made it on to the show were idiots...

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On the last 'normal' show of the year (next week is The Now Show panto) Marcus Brigstocke talks about the English Defence League and the 'other' Terry Jones; Jon Holmes travels into the Matrix of real and unreal news; Mitch Benn assesses how happy we are this Christmas, and our audience reflect on the most memorable moments of 2010.

Listen to a preview:

Plus as a one-off exclusive on Radio 7 at 10pm on Boxing Day listen to an extended version of this week's Now Show with extra performances from stand-up Imran Yusuf and music duo Ginger and Black.

Tune in to The Now Show tonight at 6.30pm on Radio 4. Catch up with more from The Now Show on the Comedy Blog.

Don't spend Christmas alone this year, have dinner with Angelos instead! Use the high tech interactive gadget below and it will feel as if Angelos is right there in your living room with you.

Plus, we'd love to see pictures of you and Angelos. Select the 'pose for a picture' option and use your camera to take a snap! Then you can send it to us, or submit it directly to our .

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• You can also watch Angelos prepare dinner for Gupta.
• And for more interactive larks, visit Leila Johnston's Guide to Christmas Shopping.

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Welcome to the second installment of Leila Johnston's indespensible guide to how to behave like a normal person in everyday life.

With the Christmas shopping season in full swing, we could all do with a few shopping tips to make it through. So here's Leila's cut-out-and-keep guide to coping at the shops, kicking off with this interactive supermarket tutorial. Click on the flashing circles to proceed:

Animation by

A print-out-then-cut-out-and-keep guide to coping at the shops

Shopping is one of the nation's favourite passtimes, after fishing, stealing and spitting.

1. Look for a bargain. One of the greatest ever short stories was written in the form of a classified ad from the For Sale section of a newspaper. Ernest Hemingway wrote: "For sale: baby shoes, never worn." Note how he added to the poignancy by leaving an essential detail hanging in the air: the price. To this day people still speculate on what those shoes were going for. They say "If you have to ask how much, you can't afford it." I find it very unlikely I can't afford a pair of baby shoes, especially second hand ones.
2. Go to charity shops. Charity shops can be good for bargains, and are one of the few remaining places where I can legally buy used underwear. It's also the only shopping environment to make something look slightly worse than it actually is, so get that 50p sticker off, and try it on quick.
3. Sometimes the alarms go off. If you're on the way in, it's usually to notify the security staff that you're too old for that shop. If you're on the way out when the alarm sounds and they don't find anything stolen from their shop in your bag, they're fully entitled to take something of yours to make up for it.
4. Think about the ethics. Remember, when buying gifts, that vegans and some vegetarians don't wear leather and wool. They only wear clothing spun from the silk inside a chestnut shell.
5. Help buskers. Buskers are the theatre of the street, and add to the whole experience of going down the shops. Soldiers and police on guard duty always appreciate a card and hat carefully laid at their feet - with a note saying "Help our boys".
6. Self checkouts. Self checkouts are the neurotic mothers of the consumer machine world. If they're not continually reassured by a rational human, their paranoia escalates beyond control. Announcements might begin innocuously enough, with a simple "Unattended item in bagging area" but within minutes they've decided you've definitely had a fatal accident. "IT MUST BE YOU SLUMPED ON THERE. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO MOVE. COMPUTER NOW CALLING 999".
7. Some people shop for shoppers. They're usually holding clipboards with lists of the names of their victims.
8. Shopping isn't everything. Always remember that some things can't be bought. Happiness. Friends. Trust. The weather. The planet Jupiter. Shoes for mice. An envelope the size of a stamp.

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How to Behave in the Outside World will continue next week. In the meantime, leave your own shopping tips below!

Here's Producer Julia McKenzie (not pictured above) with this week's notes from the Now Show ideas meeting.

This Thursday is our last live show before Christmas (the last one in the series will be a special Now Show panto) and we're finding a right old hotch potch of stories facing us this week.

We're waiting to hear the results of the Berlusconi vote of confidence this afternoon; Assange is in court today and more student protests are planned.

Northerners seem to be getting a bit of a kicking this week what with the David Shakespeare comments suggesting they should all come and pick fruit down south "to replace the Romanians in the cherry orchards"; a lot of Northern city councils seem to be facing tougher budget cuts than their Southern counterparts, and Tesco and Sainsbury's amongst others have stopped taking Xmas online orders from Scotland as they can't guarantee Xmas delivery.

Joining us this week are Marcus Brigstocke, probably talking about the English Defence League, and Jon Holmes plans to celebrate The Archers. Mitch Benn (pictured) is toying with a look at how our happiness index-ometer is faring since our first show in the series.

The Now Show continues on Fridays at 6.30pm on ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Radio 4. Catch up with Now Show notes and more on the Comedy Blog.

Hi, hi, hi.Ìý Hope you are well.Ìý So we're up to the penultimate episode and next week - Christmas ep - yay!

Now this episode is a slightly unusual departure.Ìý It's set in one room and all played in real time.Ìý I have always wanted to write one of those sitcom episodes, having been inspired by David Renwick's One Foot In the Grave episodes, when he would just have Victor at home for half an hour or two people stuck in a car.Ìý And of course I was initially inspired by Hancock's Half Hour where it would just be Tony Hancock for, well, half an hour. (I know, aren't I clever?)

However, as I started to write it I realised why David Renwick is regularly labelled a genius, as it's really hard to write a story with such limitations. It all becomes jokes which I don't really do.Ìý It also gave me massive respect for the writers of Roger and Val (the recent Dawn French and Alfred Molina vehicle) which I think is a wonderful show.

So, won't lie, bit nervous about this episode, so I will just go and hide behind the sofa and see you after.Ìý

Bye!Ìý

Miranda xÌý ()

Miranda Meets... Tom Ellis

Miranda's interview series continues on the Red Button after each episode of the show. In case you missed it, here's last week's!

• Watch more Miranda videos, including behind-the-scenes, show clips and Red Button interviews

Great news for aspiring comedy writers!

³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Writersroom and ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Comedy Commissioning are joining forces in a nationwide competition to find new comedy gold. If you can invent characters that make us laugh out loud, tell stories that keep us on the edge of our seats, and tease the audience to come back for more, then we want to hear from you.

...

The challenge is to write an original comedy script with series potential. We’re looking for writers that reflect modern Britain, comedy voices that have not yet been heard, and talent that’s just bursting to get out.

Visit the Writersroom website for more information, including minor details like the deadline, and where to send your script. Men Behaving Badly creator Simon Nye will be one of the judges, and has written about the new initiative on the Writersroom Blog.

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More developments following last week's tuition fee protests!

Read on to see Have I Got News For You's reaction.

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On tonight's Now Show, Steve Punt and Hugh Dennis take a topical trip around tuition fees and Today tongue-twisters. Musical Mitch Benn sees the world through Lennon's eyes; German stand-up Henning Wehn probes our World Cup hypocrisy; John Finnemore wonders at the sexual magnetism of a certain Lib Dem MP and Laura Shavin reveals what every woman wants for Christmas.

But first, here's a preview of those Today tongue-twisters!

Tune in to The Now Show tonight at 6.30pm on Radio 4. Catch up with more from The Now Show on the Comedy Blog.

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To celebrate the 50th Anniversary of Coronation Street, Have I Got News For You presents a special commemorative picture gag double.

Read on to see it - and don't forget to tune in to HIGNFYÌý tonight at 9pm on ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ One!

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Each week The Now Show asks their audience a question, and read out the funniest and sometimes the most bizarre answers at the end of the show.

So if you think you've got a great answer to this week's question or you just want to get something off your chest, you can contact The Now Show in the following ways:

Leave an answer in the comments section of this blog, post it on Twitter using the hashtag #nowshow or contribute on our before 7.30pm tonight, and they'll print out everything before they go on stage.

This week's question

A woman in Grantham complained about the closure of her local M&S in the form of a poem - and the store manager replied back in rhyme too.

Write us a short poem on an aspect of British life that you would like to complain about!

Here's Producer Julia McKenzie with this week's notes from the Now Show ideas meeting.

After the FIFA results coming through not long before we printed our scripts last Thursday, this week our topical challenge is that the results of the tuition fee vote won't come through until 6.30pm Thursday evening when we'll be in our technical run-through on stage prior to the recording.

When the show goes out on the Friday and Saturday however, the implications of the vote will have been fairly well digested by the public so we're figuring out how we might try to lead on story that isn't fully known yet.

John Finnemore is one of our guests this week and he has gone for the very rich territory of the alleged Russian spy who was working with the Lib Dem MP who took a great interest in asking sensitive defence questions in parliament.

German stand-up Henning Wehn is also a guest and so he'll bring us the German view on the FIFA fall-out amongst other things. Not sure what Mitch Benn has planned for his songs at the moment - as long as he doesn't turn out 4 mins 33 seconds of silence like the proposed charity single we should be fine. Ah. And as I finish typing this, Wiki Leaks front man Julian Assange has just been arrested...

The Now Show continues on Fridays at 6.30pm on ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Radio 4.

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The guest host on Have I Got News For You this week is our very own Miranda Hart! While guest panelists Marcus Brigstocke and Greg Davies will be joining Ian Hislop and Paul Merton on the panel.

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Tune in on Thursday at 9pm on ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ One - but don't forget you can also follow for up-to-the-minute picture gags like this one.

Read on to see it!

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Bonjour la peeps, as Tilly (Sally Philipp's character) might say. How spectuncular to see you. Lovingtons all around. I have to say, the cast, by about week three of rehearsals all start speaking in Tilly's language.Ìý It's very contagious. Patricia Hodge will leave a rehearsal room saying 'missingtons'.Ìý In fact we call Patricia 'Hodglington' and Sarah Hadland is 'Hadlington'. I know - could we be more ghastly and luvvie!

So what little cheeky exclusive can I give you for Episode Four?Ìý Well the story this week is Miranda and Stevie competing with each other over the friendship of a 22-year-old who has moved to the area. But can they keep up with the energies of a young person?

Well the answer to that, if it was based on my real life, would be a definite no! I am very happy to admit I'd always choose to be on the sofa in my what I call, dressing gown, than go to a club where I can't hear myself talk let alone anyone else. Bring on old age - that's what I say.

This episode I call my soap opera episode as there's a bit of a sad twist at the end. Ooh, exciting, how can you NOT tune in now?!Ìý

Marvellouso, enjoy-ingtons.

Yours, Queen Kong x ()

How to Behave in the Outside World

• As Miranda proves, the world of dating can be a confusing place. Here's Leila Johnston with a few pointers - and an interactive traing module.

Miranda continues on Mondays at 8.30pm on ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Two. Read more from Miranda.

We're very excited to announce a new columnist here on the Comedy Blog: . Leila is responsible for a staggering number of funny and interesting projects, including PDF comedy magazine , community-powered comedy website-cum-book , and facetious fantasy gamebook-cum-adventure-game - not to mention one half of the podcast.

How to Behave in the Outside World is Leila's indespensible guide to how to behave like a normal person in everyday life, and each week will feature an advanced simulation program developed by . With the Christmas party season nearly upon us, you've just got time to brush up your dating skills with the interactive guide to dating. Click on the flashing circles to proceed:

10 Dating Tips for the Outside World

1. Know the stakes. A romantic relationship is a failure if it ends before one half of the couple is dead. This is the most ludicrously extreme criterion of success since mad uncle Eric made it his life's mission to "get to the front of the motorway".
2. Consider taking out an enigmatic classified or one of those "I saw you" pages in the local press. "You: mid-20s, attractive, unconscious. Me: standing over you, smelling faintly of chloroform. Drink?"
3. Valentines Day cards are written by the winners. Cynics say love is an invention of very recent years, like teenagers or PR - but hasn't it done well for itself? No one knows exactly who invented it, but let's just say it has all the HALLMARKS of a great idea...
4. Lie about your work to avoid the following: "Yeah I work from home. It's brilliant. Sometimes I just stay on the toilet all day in case I need to go again."
5. You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs. Learn some cookery basics before you have them over for lunch.
6. Where's it going? Some say love leads to reproduction, ensuring a 'part' of us will live on through our 'genes'. This is exactly the kind of lazy superstitious nonsense that has been holding back human progress since time began.
7. Not all women like flowers. They'll say things like, "I don't want something to die because of me," but then go on to make babies with other men.
8. Stay open-minded. Even my washing machine has a 'freshen up' function, although I've never been brave enough to try it, for fear of how things might develop.
9. Remember to turn off the phone. Before you decide to stand them up.
10. Voice your concerns before it's too late. "There are too many people in this relationship, and none of them are me."

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How to Behave in the Outside World will continue next week. In the meantime, leave your own dating tips below!

Guests on tonight's Now Show include Marcus Brigstocke, Andi Osho, Laura Shavin and Mitch Benn. In fact, here's a preview of Mitch right now with his affectionate tribute to Brian Blessed, who's been in the news this week:

If you're a Brian Blessed fan too, don't forget his very own web-exclusive comedy series, Henry 8.0! Here's a little reminder:

Tune in to The Now Show tonight at 6.30pm on Radio 4

Psst! Here's a sneak peek at some of the new comedy coming up this Christmas - treats from The Royle Family, Rock & Chips, Miranda, Come Fly With Me, and The One Ronnie!

Each week The Now Show asks their audience a question, and read out the funniest and sometimes the most bizarre answers at the end of the show.

So if you think you've got a great answer to this week's question or you just want to get something off your chest, you can contact The Now Show in the following ways:

Leave an answer in the comments section of this blog,Ìý post it on Twitter using the hashtag #nowshow or contribute on our before 7.30pm tonight, and they'll print out everything before they go on stage.

This week's question

These are The Now Show Leaks...

Is there any sensitive information about friends, family, home or workplace that you would like to release to the world? What is it? This is just a bit of fun - be careful not to name names.

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It's another mega week for Have I Got News For You picture gags! Check out yesterday's Eager Man and Monday's Inappropriate Remarks if you haven't been keeping up.

But now... read on to see today's gag!

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