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Archives for March 2009

April fool: are you psychic?

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David Thair | 17:51 UK time, Tuesday, 31 March 2009

"Are you psychic?" That's a question medium Shirley Ghostman used to ask. Of course, Shirley Ghostman wasn't a real medium. In fact he wasn't even a real Shirley Ghostman - but a terrifying comic character by the talented Mr . He fooled and/or confused a lot of people with his faux-psychic performances.

ESP Testing VideoBut now, just in time for April 1st, there's a way for you to trick your own friends - and you won't have to pretend you can talk to a dead dog. Pop over to the ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Three site where you can conduct an 'ESP' test on a gullible mate via a mysterious old video clip. Just make sure you watch the explanation first so you can see how it's done - you need to be in on the trick for it to work effectively.

[Mark's Brilliant Blog] In Bed With Phillip

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Mark Padley | 17:21 UK time, Monday, 30 March 2009



Dave's been giving me grief about delivering my copy. You wouldn't hassle JK Rowling would you? Dave probably would, he's been at the ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ for ages, he's like that cat Phillip kept in a portable toilet over the summer. I'll never forget the day Phillip claimed there was cakes in that loo. When you expect cake and receive a series of infected cat wounds then you know that this is a cold, cruel world. Thank god I've got this blog to cling on to. Lots of you have been asking who exactly this Phillip is, well this video should explain everything. Is that enough copy for you Dave?

Editor's note: I can't emphasise this enough Mark - my name is David, not Dave.

[Mark's Brilliant Blog] There was Absolutely No Need to Get the Police Involved

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Mark Padley | 15:48 UK time, Thursday, 26 March 2009



It's been a quiet day today. I put up the video and to be honest that was kind of a high point. It turns out Phillip hadn't severed three toes at all. He found three severed toes when he was digging with a spade. On closer inspection they turned out to be marbles. I texted Phillip to ask if I could keep them but by the time he got my message he said he'd lost them.

Dave keeps calling me a 'blogger'. I told him that everybody does it and so long as you clean up after yourself it's nothing to be ashamed off. Then he explained that it meant I write for a website. If I'm perfectly honest I think Dave is holding this blog back. At least I'm here to keep pace with things like What I Bought Off Maureen. Enjoy.

Editor's note: Mark, you do know I read your posts, don't you? - David

In the Loop - Armando Iannucci Q&A

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David Thair | 17:52 UK time, Wednesday, 25 March 2009

In the Loop
Fans of The Thick of It, rejoice! In The Loop, the new film from the team behind ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Four's awesome political satire, goes on general release next month. It details the lives of UK and US politicians who find themselves embroiled in the lead-up to a possible war - particularly Malcolm Tucker, the sweary 'Director of Communications' who finds the situation increasingly difficult to control.

Last week ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ staff were treated to a preview screening by director/co-writer Armando Iannucci (last seen on this blog grilling Stewart Lee), and he stuck around afterwards to answer questions about how it was made.

Here's what Armando said about various things:

The Real Washington

"I've seen Washington depicted as sinister and conspiratorial, or noble and virtuous, but I haven't seen it shown as rubbish - and my experience of going there is that it is a bit rubbish, but on a grand scale.

It emerged that Washington is run by 23 year-olds who have unbelievably awesome
powers if they're in the right place and the right time. We met a 22 year-old that was sent to Baghdad to help set up the constitution, and a 23 year-old who was given the Central American budget to look after."

The Golden Rule

"The golden rule in Washington is 'never leave a meeting'. If you leave a meeting, you leave power. If you go for a toilet break, something might be decided that has massive implications and if you're not involved in that decision-making process, you won't be allowed to carry it out.Ìý
Ìý
When she was US Secretary of State, Madeleine Albright taught her staff what she called 'bladder diplomacy': how to last in a meeting for up to six hours without having to go to the toilet.
Ìý
It's basically like the British Government, only bigger. I came back thinking it was both quite amusing and quite scary that that is really how the world is run."

Moving to the Big Screen

"Because it was a film I had to keep telling myself not to take on the traditional tricks, (or)Ìýfeel tempted to open with a beautiful sunset, swooping music and an overhead shot of London. I didn't want to do that because I wanted to cram in as many funny moments as possible and not have the comedy dampened by being too ponderous with the technique.

I deliberately wanted to pace things differently while trying to keep the spontaneity of the TV show, where we try to shoot in order, so that the cast are suffering the story as it goes along - so that by the end of it if they look exhausted, it's because they actually are.

I don't want the audience to feel there is a film in the way of what they're watching. I want them to feel they're eavesdropping on a parallel world that we're not really meant to beÌýseeing."

Improvisation

"At the end of every scene I'd ask the cast to put the scripts to one side and to improvise. Inevitably you end up shooting a lot of stuff that never quite makes it because it's a bit shapeless, but every now and then, things pop out that you just couldn't plan.

As with The Thick of It, fundamentally 80 - 85% ofÌý[In The Loop]Ìýis script -Ìýand the script is massive. I was told after I started filming that a film script is normally about 90 - 100 pages long. This was 245."

'Little people' can make a difference

James Gandolfini in In the Loop

"After reading a lot of the diaries and biographies of those involved [in the war in Iraq] on this side and in Washington, it struck me that the whole thing was either horrendously awful or highly amusing, or probably both, in terms of the farcical nature of it.

The film isn't saying it's all going to happen again, but the reason we kept it unspecific, not mentioning the country [to be invaded] was Iraq, is that we wanted it to feel very much of today - really try and demonstrate, hopefully in an amusing way, how these things just sort of happen; it's the cumulative effect of all the little people who can make a difference but who don't think they can, so they don't say anything."

Political reaction

"The number of politicians who have said to me publicly that 'it's shows like The Thick of It that put people offÌýpolitics is massively outweighed by the number of politicians who have said to me in private 'in real life it's a lot worse.

I imagine the main critique [from politicians] will be 'oh, it wasn't like that' and 'there are lots of good people in Westminster' and both of those are true because this isn't a documentary, nor is it purporting to be fact. It's an entertainment and politicians must never confuse fact with fiction."


Thanks to Ananda Pellerin for the transcript.

[Mark's Brilliant Blog] Louise Moorcroft - Neighbour, Friend, Lady of the Night

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Mark Padley | 15:55 UK time, Tuesday, 24 March 2009



Blog editor Dave said that my last post wouldn't capture the defective attention span of the average bbc.co.uk user. So this post is going to be much more catchy!!!! Hopefully my neighbours will watch these and finally realise I'm not some sort of sinister pervert poking his view finder into their front rooms!!!!! I just want to film them in their homes when they don't know they're being filmed. Is that so bad? In other news Phillip tells me he cut three toes off with a spade. Whether it was deliberate or not he didn't make clear!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll let you know.

Catchy enough Dave?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Editor's note: Unfortunately there will be more from Mark later in the week. - David

Vidiotic

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David Thair | 11:29 UK time, Monday, 23 March 2009


Vidiotic It's amazing what you can find if you know where to look. How about this - Vidiotic, a pilot aired at 2.45am on ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Three last Tuesday, but still available to watch on iPlayer until this Wednesday. It's set in a video shop, features Biff from Back to the Future and Andrew Marr and it plays with the medium in just about every way you can think of.

After seeing it I was so intrigued, I caught up with producer and video-botherer Jonathan Harvey to find out how it all happened.

How did the pilot come about?
Jonathan: I've been making comedy on YouTube since I left Uni in 2002, and after contributing to and other ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ shows, I was asked to pitch a new show idea, which got commissioned by ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Three.

Vidiotic - catgunHow did you find all the B-movies you feature?
My best mate and I spend our lives trawling the world of movies which are so bad they become great. Every birthday I get a new batch of the worst films ever made that I have to start trawling through... you've got to have a hobby.

What are your favourite all-time mashups?
Some of RX's musical mash-ups are fantastic, and 's a real web comedy guru. Plus you can't beat the recut trailer for The Shining, which is the Mona Lisa of the genre!

Is it different making mash-ups for TV to the web?
Very much so. Making things for the ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ means you're restricted on the footage you can use, but while we can't plunder movies like YouTube mashers do, the ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ has a great archive of its own so it's a case of being creative with the video we do have.

How the hell did you get Biff out of Back to the Future? What's he really doing now?
Tom Wilson's now a top stand-up in the US, as well as acting in cult TV series like Freaks and Geeks, and I'd seen him peform his brilliant Question Song on YouTube. I got in touch to find out if we could play the song in the show and found out that he was coming over to perform in London last year, so we went one better and were able to film with Tom himself. He was fantastic and it was amazing to film a sketch with a cult movie legend!

Catch Vidiotic while you can.


What's on - Week of 21 March 2009

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David Thair | 17:22 UK time, Friday, 20 March 2009

Newswipe with Charlie Brooker Newswipe with Charlie Brooker

Here's the first of a new regular feature for the blog: a convenient list of funny programmes to look at and listen to in the next few days specially chosen for you, dear reader. Take heed!

Television

NEW Genius
Tonight! 10pm ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ TWO

Dave Gorman hosts the show that explores 'genius' ideas sent in by the public with the help of a special guest (this week it's Catherine Tate). Fans of the Radio 4 version will love this - and check out the fantastic title sequence by , who won Comedy Soup's first talent search competition.

PILOT Brave Young Men
Sunday 22nd March 11.15pm ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ THREE
Keep an eye out for pilots late at night on ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ THREE - you never know what you might find. This one pairs Marc Wootton and busy Coward Tom Basden (who also co-writes) as a couple of average twennysummink blokes who find themselves tasked with saving the world - by a time-transient civil servant from the future. Let us know what you make of it.

NEW SERIES Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle
Monday 23rd March 10pm ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ TWO

The second episode of Stewart Lee's storming return to television sees him drive his funny car furiously into that very medium, spilling out disses all over the place. Warning: don't watch if you think Del Boy falling through the bar is the funniest thing ever. Preceded by That Mitchell and Webb Glimpse - highlights from the Mitchell and Webb sketch show - at 9.45.

NEW SERIES Newswipe with Charlie Brooker
Wednesday 25th March 10.30pm ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ FOUR

Screenwimps rejoice! Charlie Brooker dedicates a whole Screenwipe spinoff to the news media. Maybe he'll talk about Chomsky's Five Filters, or maybe he'll just shout into the camera. I can't wait.

NEW SERIES I've Never Seen Star Wars
Thursday 26th March 10.30pm ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ FOUR


Rory McGrath. Has. Never. Seen. Faulty. Towers.

Radio

Adam and Joe

Saturday 21st March 9am ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Radio 6 Music

Adam and Joe's must-have podcast is now swollen with extra goodness, including new feature Retro Text The Nation. Don't miss!

Galton and Simpson's Half-Hour
Saturday 21st March 1.30pm ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Radio 2

Classic TV comedies written by Steptoe creators Galton & Simpson, adapted for the radio. In this episode, Rik Mayall and June Whitfield(!) star in I Tell You It's Burt Reynolds.

NEW SERIES The Unbelievable Truth
Monday 23rd March 6.30pm ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Radio 4

David Mitchell's bluffing panel show is back, with Lucy Porter, Chris Addison, Clive Anderson and Graeme Garden trying not to be too convincing.

Mark Steel's in Town
Wednesday 25th March 6.30pm ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Radio 4

Mark Steel creates a stand-up routine specially tailored for a particular town: this time it's Boston, Lincolnshire (not Massachusetts).

Introducing Mark's Brilliant Blog!

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Mark Padley | 14:56 UK time, Thursday, 19 March 2009



Hello I'm Mark Padley, the thinking man's Dave, and this is my first video post. Who is Mark Padley? What a question! There are those who would say Mark Padley is a 27 year old man who lives alone in his dead parents house intrusively filming his neighbours out of his window with a video camera. Those people are a little too literal for my liking.

I am Mark Padley and I'm ever so happy that thanks to a ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ training scheme Dave's been ordered to let me make his blog better with things like my film about my lovely neighbour Louise Moorcroft.

Editor's note:

I was told Mark was part of a new ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ 'citizen journalism' initiative, but never mind. We're all really excited to have him on board. Thanks Mark! - David

Comic Relief Liveblog Round-up

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David Thair | 13:55 UK time, Wednesday, 18 March 2009

Did you have a fun Comic Relief night?

Our man with a keyboard, , proved to be an insatiable liveblogger, racking up 43 posts over the evening. In fact, he made such an impression on this author that later that night I dreamt we could not get Danny to stop and he continued to blog about nothing in particular as the studio packed up and the lights went out.

Danny Robins at Comic Relief
Our liveblogger, Danny Robins, doing something funny for no money

If you wish to re-live the experience one evening, visit Danny's archive page and start reading at 7pm - but pace yourself. Don't read them all at once.

Otherwise, here's a convenient round-up:

GUESTS

We had a huge number of celebrity guests in our special blogging area. Danny most certainly was NOT making it all up, because we got pictures and everything.

Some of them even blogged for us: Noel Fielding revealed his crush on Ruby Wax, while Ruby gave an insight into her relationship with Sir Alan Sugar following her Apprentice appearance, and gossip-nozzle Ben Shepherd stirred things up with curious mutterings about Ronan Keating - though when we later quizzed the man, it simply turned out he's not too good at identifying primates. And who could have predicted we'd have John Humphreys in the house and live to blog about it?

BEHIND THE SCENES

The Comic Relief liveblogging teamTeam liveblog - can you spot the Mountie?

Slightly unusually for this sort of thing, behind the scenes of Comic Relief really is like you'd imagine. We were a bit like a mollusc in the Comic Relief rockpool, feeding on the celebrity plankton carried in by the rhythmic tides of the telethon (though regrettably we didn't literally feed on them - that's why Danny was provided with this sausage).

What with it being Friday the 13th, Danny became preoccupied with the number for text donations, as it contained "the number of the beast".Ìý But thankfully that didn't seem to put anyone off - and it's nice to think that in some small way, our posting a picture of Noel Fielding contributed to this year's record-breaking Comic Relief total.

It was pretty surreal being backstage throughout, but probably came to a head when the drag queens and strippers were limbering up. That's right. In fact it turned out that one of the drag queens was none other than Graham Norton, and as for the strippers? Well, you've probably already heard about that.

DONATE

So that's the Comic Relief liveblog well and truly rounded-up. But most importantly, even if you missed out on the night, it's still not too late to donate:

DONATE

Inside Today

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David Thair | 18:14 UK time, Tuesday, 17 March 2009



A look inside Radio 4's Today Programme reveals some surprises - especially in the underwear department.

Stewart Lee's Hilarious Red Button Activities

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David Thair | 16:25 UK time, Monday, 16 March 2009

Stewart Lee Red Button
We're all very excited because tonight sees the long-awaited return of celebrated stand-up Stewart Lee to television, with Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle at 10pm on ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Two.

But that's not all: tonight and for the next 6 weeks we're offering you extra comedy on the red button (where normally you might find extra tennis, extra snooker or bits of the news).

Stewart Lee Vs Armando IannucciAfter each episode of Comedy Vehicle, Stewart will be called to account by the show's Executive Producer Armando Iannucci. It's The Frost/Nixon of comedy and if you think of Stewart as the driver of the comedy vehicle and the arguments as his wheels, then I suppose you can think of Armando as the man who can have Stewart sacked.

This week, Armando gets Stewart to reveal his unrequited love for Russell Brand, to invoke the spirit of Adrian Chiles, and to explain precisely why he wants to decimate the Amazon chart position of the best selling author Dan Brown. To see all these things you'll just have to press the appropriate red button after the show tonight.

UPDATE:

Did you press the red button? If you didn't - perhaps because you don't have a red button to press, or were simply looking in the wrong direction - you can watch that special bonus content below. In fact, you'll be able to watch the red button content on the web each week, once it's been out on the telly, at the Comedy Vehicle programme page.


Bye bye

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Danny Robins | 02:12 UK time, Saturday, 14 March 2009

This is it. After 2am. Time for bed. It's been a load of fun blogging live and direct from where it was all happening tonight.

Hope you've enjoyed reading. I think we've all learnt something - that badgers can't climb trees, that Kate Moss can act, that somebody kissed David Tennant's trousers, that Ruby Wax fancies Sir Alan Sugar and that Noel Fielding fancies Ruby Wax. And I think we're all better people for that. And, of course, let's not forget what's it's all about...

Before you go to sleep - DONATE!

Ìý

DONATE
Thanks for raising so much money. Everyone here is pretty blown away by how much has been raised. And you know that somewhere up North Lenny is sitting watching telly and feeling pretty chuffed to see that total.

We gotta stop, but the stuff on telly is carrying on for a bit and of course the fundraising carries on and on.

Hold on, hold on, latest total coming in....

£57, 809, 938.

It's a record!

In the words of many Tim 'Big Dog; Westwood, big up yourselves, peace. We out.

Bye!

Danny x

Celebrity caricatures

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Danny Robins | 02:00 UK time, Saturday, 14 March 2009

You know I mentioned way way back that we were getting celebs to draw caricatures of themselves that we are going to auction off for charity. Well, we did it and this is who we got:

Molly from The Saturdays
Vanessa from The Saturdays
Jack Dee
Patrick Kielty
French and Saunders
Alesha Dixon
Noel Fielding
Elbow

We're going to take pictures of them and someone will post those up next week and we'll let you know how you can try and get your paws on them.

Some of them are quite good. Alesha's is of some artistic merit I reckon.

I think this is the penultimate post. After 7 hours the plug is about to be pulled...

APPEAL: Onzia

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David Thair | 01:55 UK time, Saturday, 14 March 2009

Red Nose Day LogoSub-Saharan Africa has the highest proportion of its urban population living in poverty stricken slums with little or no access to clean water or adequate sanitation. By donating £35, you could provide a loan to a family in Uganda so they can set up a small business and work their way out of poverty.


DONATE

Full Monty pics

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Danny Robins | 01:52 UK time, Saturday, 14 March 2009

Full Monty
This was before they spoilt it all by getting their clothes off.

Danny and the Full MontyThe smile soon faded as I glimpsed Minty's manhood.

The Money Shot

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Danny Robins | 01:45 UK time, Saturday, 14 March 2009

I think we all just saw Minty from Eastenders' penis live on TV didn't we?

They're going to be back here any moment. Sweaty and nekkid.Ìý

Kate Moss, naked

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Danny Robins | 01:40 UK time, Saturday, 14 March 2009

I was quite impressed by Kate Moss's acting in that Katy Brand sketch. I don't think I've even see her talk before.

Soon some men are getting naked on stage now for the Full Monty.

HA! See what I did with that subject heading.

High fiveing myself as I type.

That's not a euphemism.

If you are still awake donate donate donate. Sell things like your house, car, photos of Graham Norton in drag and give it all to Comic Relief. I believe the drag photos are holding their value now.Ìý

APPEAL: Children and malaria

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David Thair | 01:30 UK time, Saturday, 14 March 2009

Red Nose Day LogoMalaria kills an African child every 30 seconds. Just £25 can keep five children safe from the deadly disease.Ìý Please donate tonight.


DONATE

My eyes have healed over

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Danny Robins | 01:26 UK time, Saturday, 14 March 2009

I've been blogging for over 6 hours now. It will soon be time to sleep. Just one final push. The smell of Red Bull is wafting through the Star Bar. It's still going on though - there's lots of people here from Let's Dance now dressed in uniform. And if I'm not mistaken Peter Duncan. I feel a Full Monty coming on...Ìý

Ok, here's those Drag Queen photos...

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Danny Robins | 01:16 UK time, Saturday, 14 March 2009



Drag Queens
Avert your eyes as they lift those skirts...

Graham Norton in Drag
Graham in the middle

A Drag QueenLimbering up...

APPEAL: Poverty in Africa

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David Thair | 01:11 UK time, Saturday, 14 March 2009

Red Nose Day Logo187 million people are living in slums across Africa.Ìý £100 can go a long way.Ìý It can feed an entire family for six weeks when they're living in desperate poverty in a Ugandan slum.



DONATE

Jet Lag Relief

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Danny Robins | 01:09 UK time, Saturday, 14 March 2009

Glen from The ScriptHere's Glen off of The Script....

Hello all, Glen here from The Script. Just came offstage after doing our own version of ' HEROES' one of my favourite songs. It was a great honour to be asked to do this tonight and we think its an amazing cause and are grateful to be involved.

We just flew back from San Diego this morning to be here. We fly back out to America tomorrow to join Adele, who we are supporting, in Houston! So hence the Blog title ' JET LAG RELIEF! ' .

All the best to everyone out there!

Glen.

I'm sitting next to Jason Manford

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Danny Robins | 01:06 UK time, Saturday, 14 March 2009

He's about to go on and he says he's very scared. He actually said he was (EXPLETIVE DELETED) himself, but I won't repeat that obviously.

He asks if anyone has any jokes as he's forgotten his.

He's Twittering. I think I am the only person in this building who isn't. I have never Twittered. I fear it. The Script are just finished and are coming over in a minute apparently.Ìý Anybody got any questions I can ask them? Maybe I should just go with the old bankers - what is your favourite colour? Do you like animals? What's your favourite pizza topping?

Me? Red. A bit. Pepperoni.

One of the drag queens was...

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Danny Robins | 00:51 UK time, Saturday, 14 March 2009

Graham Norton. You'll see them in a mo.Ìý

Life's a drag

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Danny Robins | 00:46 UK time, Saturday, 14 March 2009

Ok, there are drag queens limbering up now just across the room and suddenly all the men in the room have gone wild taking photos. Explain? Alesha Dixon, Cheryl Cole, Davina - people pay mild interest. Men dressed as ladies they go nuts...

A photo to come as soon as I get it off my camera.

APPEAL: Maternal Mortality continued

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David Thair | 00:42 UK time, Saturday, 14 March 2009

Red Nose Day Logo

Hundreds of women die unnecessarily in childbirth every week across Africa. £40 could buy a bicycle ambulance for a village. These bicycles, fitted with a stretcher trailer, can be a quick and easy way of getting a pregnant women to a health clinic in time to save her life.
Ìý

DONATE

Highlights so far?

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Danny Robins | 00:39 UK time, Saturday, 14 March 2009

My favourite bit so far was the Gervais and Merchant sketch.

What about you?

There's some good stuff still to come - I saw a sneak preview earlier. Katy Brand, more from Armstrong and Miller with Mitchell and Webb.

Here's Dawn from earlier...

Dawn French
She has a Morecambe and a Wise perfectly positioned on each breast. It must be late now. My mind is wandering in strange directions...

The danger is over...

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Danny Robins | 00:30 UK time, Saturday, 14 March 2009

It's now Saturday 14th. Friday 13th is over. Amazingly, as far as I could see nothing went wrong. At no point were we attacked by a maniac wearing a hockey mask.

Did you know that fear of Friday 13th is called paraskavedekatriaphobia. That is my 3rd favourite phobia after:

Hellenologophobia - a fear of Greek terms.

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia - a fear of long words.

DONATE DONATE DONATE
DONATE

Girls get ready to feel fizzy

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Danny Robins | 00:27 UK time, Saturday, 14 March 2009

A picture of Noel Fielding for your delectation....

Noel Fielding

APPEAL: Mental Health

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David Thair | 00:22 UK time, Saturday, 14 March 2009

Red Nose Day Logo1 in 4 people in the UK will experience mental health problems at some time in their lives. £1 can pay for 20 information leaflets to help combat the stigma and misunderstanding that surrounds mental ill health.

DONATE

The Humph as you've never seen him before

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Danny Robins | 00:10 UK time, Saturday, 14 March 2009

John Humphrys and Danny Robins
Here's a pic of me and John 'The Humph' Humphreys from earlier. He was as terrifying as he looks. I pity politicians.

Paddy Kielty

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Danny Robins | 23:56 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

Patrick Keilty Paddy from earlier. He looks slightly pained doesn't he. I think I'd just farted.

AN INCENTIVE

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Danny Robins | 23:48 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

If you donate NOW I will put a photo of Noel Fielding up. Come on girls and gay men you know it makes sense.

APPEAL: Domestic Violence

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David Thair | 23:44 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

Red Nose Day Logo
Every week two women are killed by a current or former partner. Just £25 could give 12 women in danger access to vital help to save their lives.


DONATE

Noel Fielding, drunk, takes over the keyboard. I can't stop him...

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Danny Robins | 23:43 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

Noel:

I went into Oasis's dressing room. They made me one vodka and tonic and I am now absolutely drunk. I don't know what was in it but I basically came to in the ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ fountain in a pair of blue dungarees I've never seen before and eating a yoghurt. Then I met Ruby Wax and went red and felt really embarrassed and fancied her like I did when I was 15.

Ruby Wax
Looking at that photo who couldn't agree with Noel. That woman is HOT do you hear me? I have to admit to getting quite excited when up close too.

Noel was quite drunk I think. He kept hugging me.

£41,799,343!!!

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Danny Robins | 23:31 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

That's loads. That's 8359868.6 texts. Apparently the 2mill that Gordon Brown gave he did as 40,000 texts. Apparently he had a metal thumb specially built.Ìý

RUBY WAX ON THE SIR ALAN SUGAR

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Danny Robins | 23:24 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

Again, a subject heading that makes you wish it was a particularly risque stag night film.

Ruby's just dropped by. Fresh out the Apprentice house. She alluded to fallings out. Wouldn't say who with who or about what, sadly, she did have some love to share for Big Al Sugar though.

I very embarrassingly mistyped her name as Rudy at first but she forgave me. Here's Ruby...

"I think that alan sugar is a stud muffin but I'm beginning to think in real life he might be a wimp.
He hasn't called or nothing.Ìý you put out and put out and he leaves you high and dry. screw him."


Surely that's Sir Alan, Ruby?

She said he is her ideal man. Quick show of hands who's with her? No? I have worked with Ruby's husband - he is not like Sir Alan Sugar so I will assume she was joshing to make Sir Alan feel good.

Enjoyed the Gervais/Merchant film. Good work boys. Very funny. The image of Louis Walsh's penis will stay with me.

APPEAL: Davina on Maternal Mortality

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David Thair | 23:04 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

DavinaA lack of decent health care, poverty and deprivation cause women to die during pregnancy and childbirth every day across Africa. In fact, 57% of births in Sub-Saharan Africa take place without any help from a skilled nurse, midwife or doctor.Ìý £40 could buy a bicycle ambulance for a village. These bicycles, fitted with a stretcher trailer, can be a quick and easy way of getting a pregnant women to a health clinic in time to save her life.

DONATE

You can't get the staff these days...

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Danny Robins | 23:03 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

I left someone else in charge whilst I popped to the Green Room. Apparently Harry Enfield came by whilst I was gone. So they must have got some sort of exclusive, surely?

This is what they got:

HARRY ENFIELD:

"Dragons were great actors - very sweet."

Wow. Probing interview there. He means the Dragons Den Dragons by the way. If it had been literal dragons that Harry was seeing, thus implying some sort of breakdown in his grasp of reality as he experienced terrifying scaley hallucinations, that would have been interesting.

Ìý

Flo Rida

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Danny Robins | 22:38 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

Did you watch TOTP? Who is this man Flo Rida? Isn't Flo a girl's name. Why isn't the Comic Relief song Number 1? Those darn Americans coming over here and stealing our Number 1 spots...

We lost sound on our TV for the whole of TOTP. Quite odd watching it like some particularly rock mime.

Jennifer Saunders exclusive

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Danny Robins | 22:32 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

News just in from a backstage source. Direct quote from Jennifer Saunders:

"It was such good fun doing the Mamma Mia spoof. I don't want it to be our last sketch. If Comic Relief asked us to do it again we'd be idiots not to."

Sounds like good news for anyone hoping for further French and Saunders reunions.

Ìý

Thumbs

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Danny Robins | 22:27 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

Did you know this is the first Comic Relief where you've been able to text a donation?

Never has your thumb been so important.

66609 is the number to SMS. Just realised that has the Number of the Beast in it. Purely unintentional I'm sure

Be careful you don't do it upside down or you will text the police.

I have worried about whether people will text their entire worldly goods whilst drunk in a pub, but apparently it's £5 a text with a maximum of 5 texts, so unless your entire worldly goods is £25 you should be okay.

Nice knitwear on Gary Barlow, eh?

Elbow room

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Danny Robins | 22:19 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

Ìý

Danny and GuyGuy Garvey is now going to dictate:

That's only because my sweetheart described my typing as looking like a monkey knitting in boxing gloves.

The atmosphere here is great, lots of rushing around, laughing and crying, feels like kindness is cool and Craig and I are very happy to be here.

Put your hands in your pockets! xx


Thank you Guy. We debated the exclamation mark. He decided he is an exclamatory man. And he then insisted on adding two kisses.

I think I did ok with the dictating. There was only one confusion when he said "lots of rushing around" and I thought he said "lots of Russians around".

Lampard's face

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Danny Robins | 22:14 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

Is it just me or was that James Corden sketch with England quite near the knuckle? Lampard's face looked like a slapped bum when he was talking about Steven Gerrard.

Collective noun for footballers?

ÌýA team, obviously. A roasting? Suggestions please...

It's manic here. There's queueloads of people in fancy costumes outside. Lots of people with their hair died red. Either they're doing it for charity or they want people to think they've had head injuries. Or they've had head injuries and they are so committed to charity they've come anyway.

There is also a rather large amount of brass in the house. Someone's backing band. I saw a massive trombone a minute ago.

Did you see Franz Fedinand on the telly? They're like an arty Indie boyband aren't they ?
Take That with long words and fringes. I hope they come back here.


The Badgers: The Truth

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Danny Robins | 21:55 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

Danny and RonanI have it. The scoop you were waiting for.

The badgers in the trees. Remember Ben Shepherd asked me to ask Ronan Keating about them?

Ronan's been here. Here he is.

So, I asked him, and...

Apparently whilst the guys were out filming for Killimanjaro, they were driving along and Ronan shouted "look at that badger in that tree!". It was a monkey. He didn't realise badgers can't climb trees. And don't live in Tanzania. Bless.

Ronan was well pumped up about the latest total. He also said there was every chance of a rumble between him and the Take That boys tonight. Apparently Boyzone and Take That are like two gangs - like Bloods and Crips. Or perhaps more like Jets and Sharks. Or Swallows and Amazons. There may be a stand off later on. Or maybe a dance off. Bring it on.

Sausage

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Danny Robins | 21:50 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

This is all I've had to eat since lunch. I'm faint. Look at my little pasty sad face. But I won't stop typing. I'm doing it for charity.

Danny's Sausage
Donate now or I will chunder the sausage back up on my keyboard.Ìý

DONATE

APPEAL: Denise on Malaria

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David Thair | 21:48 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

09IN_081219_061.jpgMalaria kills an African child every 30 seconds. Just £25 can keep five children safe from the deadly disease.Ìý Please donate tonight.

DONATE

APPEAL: Death of Paul

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David Thair | 21:28 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

Red Nose Day Logo
12 million children have been orphaned by AIDS in Africa. Just £30 could buy a day's worth of food for 15 of them. Please donate tonight.

DONATE

Annie Lennox is here now

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Danny Robins | 21:18 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

Just chatted to Annie Lennox. Very exciting. I loved Eurythmics. I even bought Dave Stewart's solo album.

Annie was great. You get a lot of people cracking jokes tonight obviously, what with it being Comic Relief and all, and Ben Shepherd talking about badgers in trees and everything but she just spoke really seriously and passionately about what tonight meant to her. Apparently donations really shot up after her film and song, which she was really chuffed by. She says she hopes this is the most money she ever makes out of a gig. Make it happen.

DONATE

APPEAL: Malaria

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David Thair | 21:08 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

Red Nose Day Logo


90% of deaths cased by malaria happen in Africa. £5 could buy a malaria bed net, distribute it to someone in need and make sure they're educated on the importance of using it.

DONATE

Toilet Break

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Danny Robins | 21:01 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

Right, I'm off to the toilet. I'll try not to trip on the chihuahua.

That's not a euphemism.

Check out my snaps

Post categories:

Danny Robins | 20:59 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

Finally we've mastered the technology to show you photos. What? Photos? On the Internet? What electro-trickery is this?

Danny and AngusThere you go - me explaining computers to Angus. He typed one fingered.

Proof I''ve not just been making up all the celebrity visitations and typing this from my bedroom like some sort of Unablogger.

Danny and JackMe and Jack. Aaaah.

Jack Dee typingJack on ebay. He bought a shed. Not really

Apparently the chihuahua belonged to Cheryl Cole's assistant. I can hardly believe this. I'm moving in a world where people's assistants have chihuahuas. I can smell the Fame. Or perhaps that's just the dog.

PUSH THE DONATION BUTTON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Kerfuffle and a small dog

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Danny Robins | 20:53 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

Something tells me someone exciting has arrived in the Star Bar. There is a lot of noise.

David Tennant?
Davina?
David Hasslehoff?

It is Alesha Dixon. There are lots of men looking excited.

Wow, there is also a woman - an assistant? - holding a chihuahua. This is getting very Hollywood.


APPEAL: Caring for Carers

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David Thair | 20:50 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

Ant and DecTens of thousands of youngsters care for a family member up to 50 hours a week.Ìý £30 can give a group of them the break they deserve.

DONATE

Ronan Keating and the badgers in the trees

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Danny Robins | 20:47 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

Ben ShepherdÌý off of Killamanjaro and GMTV has just graced my sofa. The warm imprint of him is still next to me.

His goss - Gary Barlow has just had a bit off the side. I think and hope he was talking about haircutting and not liposuction.

He also tells me that Chris Moyles (a fave figure in anecdotes it seems) is very particular about his make up. Rouge apparently and "anything that makes him look seventies" nice.

He's also told me to ask Ronan Keating about the badgers in the trees. I'm intrigued.

Ìý

Types of Relief

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Danny Robins | 20:41 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

My Top 5 favourite types of Relief:

1. Comic Relief
2. Bas Relief
3. Light Relief
4. Stress Relief
5. Hand Relief

And you?

Whitehouse as Evan Davies

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Danny Robins | 20:35 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

That was quite an unsettling Evan Davis impression by Paul Whitehouse in Victorian Dragons Den. There's more of those coming up.

Keep the money coming in. It's going well so far. That's my Bob Geldof bit there. I am less sweary than him.

So, if you are watching on TV and reading this blog at the same time, well done. I think you should go on and see how many different forms of communication you can use at once. Speak on your landline. Tweet on your mobile. Stick the radio on. Possibly get some flags andÌý semaphore. Maybe smoke signals if you can do that in a safe none setting fire to furniture way.

A prize for the most types of communication used at once. It will probably be a non-real prize. Like just my love or something.

Jonathan and Claudia coming up. Davina and David - the double Ds - are coming off so I will try and get my mitts on them for you.

By the way, I meant to mention earlier - in the Harry Hill's TV burp section - I knew the bloke who was in the Holby City clip. Yes, that's how well connected I am.

APPEAL: Annie Lennox on Aids

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David Thair | 20:30 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

Red Nose Day Logo
In Africa 6000 people die of AIDS daily. £25 could pay for 60 HIV tests. An early diagnosis means a greater chance to get proper treatment.


DONATE

Ross on Moyles

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Danny Robins | 20:26 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

Quite a subject heading eh? No, it's not a particularly hard to watch naked wrestling video...

I've asked Jonathan for gossip. He says he's just seen Chris Moyles struggling into a corset backstage despite claims to have lost weight on Killimanjaro.

JR is going to be twittering from backstage. Hopefully dragging him back here later on to blog too.

I keep trying to write some blogs and keep getting interrupted by celebrities. How am I supposed to work in these conditions?

Jonathan had a lot of make up on. Like a woman. I am only daring to type this now he's left me. I'll keep the thought to myself though and certainly won't publish it live on the Internet.


APPEAL: Alcoholic Parents

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David Thair | 20:14 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

Red Nose Day Logo
20 children a day are hospitalised in the UK as a result of alcohol misuse. £50 could pay to train a youth worker to recognise and help a young person in the UK who's drinking too much alcohol on a regular basis.
DONATE

Jonathan Ross is opposite me

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Danny Robins | 20:12 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

I think that says it all. I will encourage him to write a blog that does not get him into trouble.

The Star Bar is jumping daddio...

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Danny Robins | 20:10 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

So, here's the scene... The Star Bar is a bit like a corridor. I might have mentioned that. But it's full of soft drinks (no alcohol allowed obviously - comedians are like athletes) and people doing things like filming comedians and desperately applying make up and stuff. It's actually quite like a slightly more glamorous Wetherspoons - no smoking, no music no obvious decor. But a wetherspoons with TV stars in every corner. The best kind of wetherspoons.

Paddy Kielty just come up to confrim the Tennant/lipstick.trouser scandal. I'm going to have to declare and end to that now. Leave the man in peace. Paddy, potentially libellously pointed the finger at Davina and says she confided backstage that she likes skinny men with accents like him and Tennant. I must work on an accent to go with my waif-like physique.

Phew, this is pretty manic back here. I don't normally have to combine typing and hob-nobbing with celebs. I am like the English Perez Hilton. Perez Travelodge?
Ìý

The Humph

Post categories:

Danny Robins | 19:59 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

You'd never guess who I just had in the back of my cab - John Humphreys. Only the Humph!

Well, you might have guessed as he's just been on the telly doing Celeb Mastermind with Davina and David.

He said he had spotted the mysterious potential lipstick red mark on David's trousers but he was too polite to say anything. Old school.

He also said Davina tried to bribe him to give him the answers.

Wow loads of noise backstage now - something's going on.

What a gutter about JAck Dee's news that Lenny won't be here. He is here in spirit. Katanga Lenny wherever you are...

APPEAL: Young Carers

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David Thair | 19:40 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

Jamie
Across the UK, thousands of young people look after someone in their family who has an illness, disability or a mental health problem. £20 could pay for one of these young carers to get support from a specialist worker to help them cope with their responsibilities at home.

DONATE

A collective noun for comedians

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Danny Robins | 19:36 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

There you go - your first celeb blogger of the night (well unless you count me obviously). Plenty more coming up. It's wall to wall comedians in her now. IT's both funny and cramped. Would that be 'fumped'?

Whilst I think of it... what is the collective noun for comedians?

A gag-gle?
A heckle?
A giggle?
A groucho club?

Answers on a postcard please...

Jack told me my first good bit of celeb gossip. You know that white suit of David Tennant's? Apparently Jack saw some costume assistants desperately trying to get 'a red mark' off the trousers backstage seconds before DT went on. Lipstick, Jack reckons... I'm going for sundried tomato pesto.

Angus Deayton is in the house. I'm going to see if I can get him to blog...

Post me requests for who else you want me to try and grab and I'll do my best. Breaking news... We're getting all the clebs who chat to us to draw a caricature of themselves as a red nose and we're going to be givin them to Comic Relief to auction off at a later date-Ìý I'll post up photos of some of them as well so you can spot the ones you want to put bids in on.

Right, I'm to nab Deayton. Just initially mistyped that as 'nad Deayton' which sounds horrible. I won't do that.

Ìý

APPEAL: Lenny/Onzia Reunion

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David Thair | 19:34 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

Lennny HenryBy donating tonight, you're helping to change lives. Just £125 could pay to reunite a family in Uganda.

Click the button to donate:
DONATE

My backstage antics by jack dee

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Danny Robins | 19:14 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

Jack Dee wants to take over the keyboard. I'm not one to argue...

Just been back stage seconds before David and Davina went on. Good atmosphere but all a bit nervous. was also with Dawn and Angus. Poor old Lenny Henry cant be here because he's in Othelo up north. So we all were sending him our love through the vibenet (new word that i just invented) that is Comic relief. If you text YES to 66609 then CR get a fiver. Go on. Do it.

The Saturdays

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Danny Robins | 19:02 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

It's all kicked off on the TV with the legend that is Lenny. Will he be here in person? He's playing Othello up North,

Ìý


That's quite a white suit David Tennant's got on. Man from Del Monte chic.

I've just met the Saturdays! They are girls. Pretty girls. I got a bit nervous and sweaty.

They tell me they have spotted lots of stars. Including Doctor Who. I presume they meant David Tennant as opposed to Colin Baker. They semed most excited about Take That. We discussed the possibility of them hiding in Take That's dressing room. Here's hoping...

Their message to you is "Keep watching and buy the single". Don't make these pretty girls angry.

Hold on, Jack Dee's just comung over...

Hello hello

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Danny Robins | 18:39 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

Hello, good evening and welcome!

Danny Robins here, live from backstage at Comic Relief. I'll be your online guide to this evening's charity based comedytastic fun - think of me as like Davina McCall and David Tennant combined in web form - which is actually quite an intriguing idea, I can hear you typing that into Google now...

I'll blogging live from now till it all ends in the wee hours. Unless my health fails or my mind breaks down. I will only pause to go to the toilet (also the wee hours). I will eat whilst I type. After discussions it was agreed that attempting to go t the toilet whilst I typed would be taking it too far - even for charity...

I'm sitting in what I am told is the 'Star Bar' - not a reference to some rubbish chocolate from the 80s, but in tribute to the fact that in just a few moments this hallowed space which you might be forgiven for thinking was a corridor with some soft drinks, will be filled with celebrities. FILLED! Packed. Like a lunch. It will be celebtastic. And I wil pause typing briefly to drag these comedy gods across and make then say things to you. That's a promise.

My palms are sweaty... It's going to be a VERY exciting night... Is that David Tennant I see coming in now?

No, it's the bloke from security. Apparently I was typing too loudly.

Turn on your TV. Keep your computer on. Blog and watch simultaneously. You can do it.

It's starting.................

Gearing up for Comic Relief?

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David Thair | 16:37 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

Red NoseWe're about to move down to our special liveblogging area behind the Comic Relief studio - it has drapes and everything. And hey, it's not too late to grab some drapes yourself if you'd like to get into the spirit of things.

But there's something more important to do if you'd really like to get into the spirit of the night: donate! And you can do it right now, just by clicking the button below:

DONATE

Liveblogging Comic Relief

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David Thair | 13:57 UK time, Friday, 13 March 2009

This is it! The big red nosed day, Red Nose Day, is upon us once again - so if you were planning on doing anything else tonight, forget it. Clear your diary. Cancel all appointments... alienate all your friends.

Do whatever it takes, because if watching star-studded, specially written comedy performances interspersed with harrowing films about poor and vulnerable people in the UK and Africa is your kind of thing - and it certainly is ours - then you'll want to do nothing else but tune in to ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ One tonight from 7pm. And, if you're not near a telly, fear not - you can still watch live online via the ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ One website.

Liveblog!

300_dannyrobins.jpgWherever you're watching Comic Relief, keep your browser pointed in this direction throughout, because we'll be blogging ourselves raw from at the event in our special backstage area behind the studio. Guest blogger for the night, comedian and writer will be bothering celebrities and providing an extra angle on proceedings, so subscribe with a or keep hitting refresh to stay up-to-speed with what's happening on and off screen.

Twitter!

We'll also be joined by Comic Relief Mark Woods. He's been up a very large mountain with Chris Moyles and lived to tweet about it.

Mobile!

Of course, if you're into that sort of thing you can follow proceedings on twitter via your mobile browser - but if you find yourself stranded away from your computer for the night (perhaps due to locking yourself in the toilet, for example) - the ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Comedy mobile site will also be updated regularly. You'll find a link on the ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Mobile homepage.

Interact!

So we hope you'll be joining us for tonight's liveblogging occurrence. Join the conversation with other readers by leaving comments, or send us emails directly via comedyblog@bbc.co.uk to let us know what you're doing to be funny and raise money on Red Nose Day. You can even send us photos - and please note that we'll assume you're happy for us to publish anything you send, unless otherwise stated.



The greatest minds in advertising join forces for Comic Relief

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David Thair | 11:02 UK time, Wednesday, 11 March 2009

Here's something rather special: a Red Nose Day appeal film with a difference. We're not yet sure whether it will be shown on the night - but you can watch it in all its glory here, right now. Keep an eye out for the crisp joke.

Horne & Corden

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David Thair | 16:53 UK time, Tuesday, 10 March 2009


Mat Horne and James Corden. You'll know them from various places, but soon you will know them specifically as Horne & Corden: comedy duo.

300_horneandcorden.jpgThey've got a new sketch show starting at 10.30pm tonight on ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Three - though if you're some kind of internet cyborg, you'll already know that you can watch the first episode right now on the ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Three website. Have a poke around in the 'See it first' panel if you haven't already.

Not only that - if you visit the Horne & Corden website you can watch some excellent Behind the Scenes documentaries about the making of the show - including one that profiles comedy legend Kathy Burke, who directed the series.

Red Noses Everywhere and Victorian Dragons' Den

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David Thair | 12:57 UK time, Monday, 9 March 2009

Three red noses
You might have noticed something different about the ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ website over the last few days: it's wearing a red nose. Well, three red noses to be precise. That's because Red Nose Day - Friday 13th of March - is nearly upon us, so we're all frantically nosing up in preparation.

600_cr_harryandpaul.jpgWe'll be covering Comic Relief right here on the blog throughout the week and of course on the night. So to kick things off, here's a treat - an exclusive preview sketch from the night! Pop over to iPlayer to find out what happened when Harry and Paul reimagined Dragons' Den for the Victorian era


Robert Webb does a dance

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David Thair | 18:22 UK time, Friday, 6 March 2009



Did you see Robert Webb on Let's Dance? If you did and still haven't fully recovered, carefully close this window and back away.

Otherwise, brace yourself for the strange, maybe slightly troubling mix of emotions that will wash over you as you watch. Oh - what a feeling.

It begins

Post categories:

David Thair | 10:38 UK time, Monday, 2 March 2009

Hello you! Welcome to the ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Comedy Blog. Emanating from the bowels of the ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Comedy Department, we'll be publishing various funny things - from previews of forthcoming shows, to interviews with top comedy creators, columns by special guest contributors and exclusive video content - so there will be something new here for you to enjoy (or at the very least, tolerate) every weekday.

This will be a place for all types of comedy fan, whether you just want to know if there's a new series of your favourite sitcom in the works, or you're an aspiring writer looking to find the latest opportunities to develop your talent with the ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ. So please, add us to your bookmarks or , or maybe even keep the page open permanently on your computer.

Whoever you might be, we'd like you to get involved. Please send us links to what's making you laugh right now online (or what you're creating to make other people laugh). Leave us comments, send requests or questions for the people who make comedy at the ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ - don't hesitate to get in touch.

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