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three TWO fOuR. YES YES IT'S ANOTHER BLOG.

Chris Evans | 15:26 UK time, Thursday, 10 July 2008

I was BINGOED.....

...."er, yes Chris there's a bloke downstairs, says his name's Bingo Star."

Well that's all fine and dandy but it's a quarter to five and we're on the air in a bit and 'ee doesn't 'ave an appointment and yes I know 'ee's from the blog, that is to say 'ee is indeed an illustrious bloggee, but that don't make no difference. 'Ee can 'ang around till after the show, of course 'ee can do what the blasted 'eck 'ee likes innit but 'ee can't come up and I 'aven't got time to be going down an' all that you see.

And so it came to pass that Little Bingo Star did wait and see and meet and press the flesh of all his Drivetime pals and got their 'graphs an' everythin'. Hurrah for B.S.

Now on to today, no Bingo and back to business, I ain't no Jenny from the block oh no. Yeehaa.

Drivetime, golf, dine, disco, dance, Goodwood, all with added Proclaimers preparations finally coming to fruition. Spent the morning at Foxbridge Golf Club, the little nine hole belter, set in the deep emerald green of the luscious home counties, the regular venue of our annual Drivetime stapleford challenge. The bunting is up, the course is in great nick and the guys there could not be more excited. Foxbridge, just around the corner from my pub, the maginficent Mulberry, the location of the Sat evening festivities and the venue for the marvellous Proclaimers exclusive singy songy gig thingy. It's gonna be great.

All our gang are coming and camping next to Tash and I in the field next to the "house that will never be finished." Tents already up!

The Coburn car has been prepared today for Sunday's race up Lord March's hill, all gleaming and ready to go. I've polished the wife, given Enzo a big hug, and warned Noel the vet that he's going to have yet another night out in the real world. Yes, his second in as many weeks, he'll be getting a life next.

ALL REQUEST TOMORROW DUDES. No more ambushing the DJ at work Bingo, you naughty naughty boy but congrats on the nups you nutter.

CLP.

2008.

X.

Comments

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  • First
  • 1
  • Comment number 1.

    Bingo - you are, quite literally, a STAR!!!

    CLP - my ARF for this week:-

    Town Called Malice - The Jam

    Thank you very muchly

    CtD xxxxxx

  • Comment number 2.

    Bingo the Star - nice one and good impression CLP!!!! we've had the story from the newly engaged man himself!!! Bless!!

    ARF whatever Bingo wants!!!

    Beesmum xx

    CtD hun read last blog

  • Comment number 3.

    Marvellous!!!

    My ARF (just to repeat myself) is something from the Stranglers please, perhaps

    Mad Hatter...

    And that could easily be for Bingo as well as HL! Obviously for very different reasons...

    Jx

    PS Yes indeed - v good impression of our Bings

  • Comment number 4.



    Ah, once again, Tigerfeet by Mud please...

    Or Jingo (bingo bop) by Candido...

    ...and if I wasn't going to the Isle of Wight on Saturday, I would walk 500 miles to your door! Sounds like a blast!

    But really Tigerfeet...unless you prefer Jingo...

    I'm easy
    love
    hazel
    x

    The pussies send hugs to Enzo too xoxo

  • Comment number 5.

    Excellent impression Chris!

    Congratulations Bingo on your engagement!

    ARF - Perfect Day by Lou Reed - because that's what you'll be having over the weekend at the Drivetime Stapleford Challenge!

    Have a good evening one and all!

    A x

  • Comment number 6.

    ARF

    glasvegas geraldine please.

    song of the year. (well bar their last one but there is swearing in that !!!!!! )

  • Comment number 7.

    Thank the lordy, new blog - mine at work seems to crash at 350!! So anything that happened after #350 on 323 ... I know nothing!

    Bingo truly is a star!!!

    OOOH, weekend sounds absolutely fab CLP - any room for one more?? I wouldn't be any trouble, honest guv!

    I am off home now so see y'all tomorrow.

    T xxxx

  • Comment number 8.

    BINGO'S GETTING MARRIED!!!! Haha, lovely sweetheart, sorry it's probably on the last blog but I just can't keep up. Or on last night's show, which I missed. Bad Flower. Congratulations xxxxx

    Chris, for ARF, could I either have Mystify by INXS (yes, I will keep asking) or Town Called Malice by The Jam. Not ganging up with CtD, honest, I was just listening to it on the old ipod this morning and it was toe-tappingly good!! ps your weekend sounds fab!

    Hope everyone's fine 'n' dandy. Am flippin' busy again, what's that about????

    AF xx

  • Comment number 9.

    No surprise then that Bingo made an impression. Good to know he is as mad in real life.......!

    For ARF: Slade and Squeeze me pleaze me....

    (Or is the tweeze)

    Nev

  • Comment number 10.

    Aaagh - always happens!

    I post comment and then....

    Ah well, always good to read you Chris!

    Bingo - you STAR!!!! How lovely :-)

    Sounds like you're going to have a fantastic time this weekend Chris, can't wait to read/hear all about it next week!

    Btw - if you haven't found another bod to go jumping out of planes with you, as long as I get the most gawjusest strapping chappy, I'll go with you!!!

    S xx.

  • Comment number 11.

    A_F - I've got the "Snap" CD in the car at the mo, and by the time I get to work in the mornings I'm quite literally hoarse with singing.

    Town Called Malice all the way!

    Cheryl x x x

  • Comment number 12.

    Oh dear. Oh deary deary dear ....

    My boss has just described me as "the brains of the office"

    Blimey! There's no hope now!

    CtD xxxx

  • Comment number 13.

    Demand more money then CTD .......!

  • Comment number 14.

    Chris for ARF can I request David Essex, Gonna Make You a Star please?

    Seems quite appropriate don't you think.

    Love
    Debbie x x

  • Comment number 15.

    Nev - you sound like my hubby!!!

  • Comment number 16.

    Chris,

    Great blog! Have a fantastic weekend.

    ARF - it's got to be 'Gonna Make You a Star' by Mr Essex, for Bingo. Especially in view of his engagement..... congrats Bingo.

    Gaby
    xxx

  • Comment number 17.

    Debbie : )

  • Comment number 18.

    CTD - Strike while the iron's hot - that's all.
    If they are anything like my boss the view will have changed by the morning!

    Nev

  • Comment number 19.

    Gaby - I just checked out Mr Essex singing that in 1975 on youtube. He was a right sexy beast too wasn't he? Coor!

    Go on Chris, go on go on go on x x x

  • Comment number 20.

    Looks like the Coburn Spyder has opened up a new life for you Chris, ok, well some interesting invites like the Festival of Speed etc. I can still imaging a photo of it advertising that gorgeous dark stuff, Guiness. Shot in a moody manner like some of the Breitling adverts. Will seems to have done well for himself since leaving Ginger. Not sure why I brought that up except I was looking at his company website earlier.

    I`m into sparkling water right now, it maybe wet outside but inside I`m staying dry, at least for now.

    Bingo I`ve always thought you where a nutter - in a nice way - good for you.

    All camping in a field, how exciting can that be.


    mj x

  • Comment number 21.

    Hi martin. long time no blog. glad to see you're ok!

    CtD xx

  • Comment number 22.

    My name is John Lemmon can i come to the studio too????

  • Comment number 23.

    Yo MJ - good going, well done...
    jx

  • Comment number 24.

    Off home now - day off tomorrow with t'interview - weekend away, catch yous all next week.

    Give it large,
    jx

  • Comment number 25.

    Maaaartin - lo!! long time no see!!

    Beesmum xx

    Sparkle sparkle water water good on you!

  • Comment number 26.

    Talking of water ... I drink gallons of the stuff which results in lots of trips to the lattle laydees room. Just now, midway thru .... HUGE 8-legged freak in there keeping me company!

    Legs crossed for rest of week, I think!!

    CtD xxxx

  • Comment number 27.

    CtD, had a vision of you there, on the loo, laptop on your knee, typing away LOL.

    AF x

  • Comment number 28.

    AF my husband actually does do that! LOL!

  • Comment number 29.

    Ewwwwww. No Flower - once I saw the beastie with 8 legs I finished what I was doing toute suite and hastened back up to my office to tell you all about it!

    Diva's rule of thumb: anything with more than 4 legs is BAD.

    x x x x

  • Comment number 30.

    Hi Chris
    Make sure you get a coat out of storage, before you to Goodwood. It is very wet and cold in West Sussex.
    Well done to Bingo Star for Bingoing you. Congratulations to Bingo and the future Mrs Star.
    I also think that I am going to make you a star by the sexy David Essex, for ARF. He gets sexier the older he gets.
    Give Enzo lot's of hugs, I don't think he gets to see you every day.

    Mel xxx

  • Comment number 31.

    DEBBIE!!!! Too much info. Poor ole Mr Debbie!

    :-0

  • Comment number 32.

    Debbie - waaaaaay too much info. Although given the talk on here lately, it's pretty tame eh???

    CtD - right there with ya!! About the legs, not in the loo, obviously.....

    AF xx

  • Comment number 33.

    This morning I gave my boss a jar of our lovely home-made strawberry jam. He has just come bounding up the stairs with huge grin on fizzog and given me a ryvita, buttered and smothered in jam!

  • Comment number 34.

    Oh no, you know those moments where you say what you are thinking out loud and think ............'did I really say that out loud?'

    Did I really type that about poor ole Mr Debbie?

    Hehe sorry guys! xx

  • Comment number 35.

    Right gang. The time has come to go find Waitrose. I hope it's where it was last time I saw it or else we'll all be in trouble!

    I feel like I've got jet-lag this afternoon - I wonder if it's yesterday's acupuncture?

    See y'all in the morning.

    Sweet dreams.

    Diva x x x

  • Comment number 36.

    ARF - Don't bring me down- ELO

  • Comment number 37.

    Grats Bingo...crazy but grats :P

    CLP for arf can you play Im So Excited by the Pointer Sisters in homage to Katie who sees her beloved tomorrow after months and months and will quite literally explode lol

    Good luck Katie xxx

    Sara

  • Comment number 38.

    Mr Evans

    Could the first song on All Request Friday plead be -

    Romeo and Juliet by Dire Straits

    Ta

  • Comment number 39.

    or even

    Mr Evans

    Could the first song on All Request Friday please be -

    Romeo and Juliet by Dire Straits

    Ta

  • Comment number 40.

    Are we mad to allow the MoD to pay 2.83 million for breaching some Iraq persons human rights, whatever else this involved, also to fund the substantial housing and lifestyle of a convicted terrorist muslim cleric and not deport him as it infringes his human rights.

    The legal system lawyers make a fortune out of these cases and have their own self interest at stake paid for by the public purse.

    What about putting the public safety and public麓s human rights FIRST and treating these people as they would be treated in THEIR OWN countries for similar actions. After all they are not citizens of the UK and should not expect to be provided with our Justice system. Would China or Russia or even their own countries treat them so well?

    Methinks not. ..........






  • Comment number 41.

    Ahhh thanks Sara, your so lovely! ARF Im so exited sounds perfect! and I am, soooo exited.

    'is lordship just rang and is about to leave Kandahar for Cyprus, 2 down 1 to go! I MIGHT EXPLODE! Hope tomorrow comes quickly.

    Thanks to everyone for their kindness, 5 months of waiting and 2 weeks of preparing, all worth it! Have a brilliant weekend, mine is going to be the best!

    TTFN
    KJR x x x x

    "Im so exited..and I just cant hide it"

  • Comment number 42.

    ooh Katie - I'm so excited (for you!) - that is a great choice for you!!

    however weird it may sound tho, as I was driving home, I did think of suggesting the very gorgeous David Essex singing Gonna Make You a Star - how strange is that Debbie???? He deffo had a twinkle in his eye back in the 70's - he was the start of my love of bad boys!!!

    Mmmmmmm, masterchef, dontcha just love it???

    T xxxx

  • Comment number 43.

    Nice one Bingo!!

    So tired today, its number 1 son's birthday today and it's been a hectic one!

    Lost my specs so am squinting at the screen, hope they turn up soon as am off to see Billy Elliot tomorrow - can't wait!

    No point me picking an ARF song as won't be near a radio, so I'll have whatever Bingo wants, thanks xxxxx

  • Comment number 44.

    Bingo well done for meeting the drivetime crew and congrats to you and Inna for your engagement.

    my ARF choice would be Etta James and I don't want to...... sorry haven't got it out of my head for days it was the saga of 322 that did it.

    Katie all the very best - don't forget to breathe or you will pass out from excitement.

    Emm all the best for No1 son's birthday.

    I'm off to mix with society at Polo tomorrow and can't wait. I'll put a couple of photos on FB when I get to download them.

  • Comment number 45.

    ARF, How about "Invisible Touch" by Genesis? I just posted this on yesterdays page and has to come back and write it in todays instead. Not very interesting I know but felt it was more interesting to write it than to not. probably made this entry even less interesting by adding that last sentance, probably made it even more boring now. in fact I don't even know why I'm still typ...

  • Comment number 46.

    splendude - very funnn.....

    BM xx

    Phoenix - nice polo where?

  • Comment number 47.

    Congrats again bingo - decided on domocile yet? and on the big mention above! Star indeed!

    Katie - hang on in there - not long now!

    Beesmum xxx

  • Comment number 48.

    Have a drunk Mr Debbie on his way home. With a kebab. Well impressed. I may let him fall asleep on the sofa and leave him there tonight.

    Wish me luck guys, this won't be pretty!

    Debbie x x

  • Comment number 49.

    Bingo you superstar! Only you my darling! Can we come to the big day?

    Katie - less than 24 hours to go!!!

    ARF - surely it has to be 500 miles by The Proclaimers please dalring Chris.

    x x x x x x

  • Comment number 50.

    Being bingoed so short and sweet. Nite nite x x

  • Comment number 51.

    Morning all, the sun has got it's hat on!

    for the ARF .... My Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison please

    Jenn

  • Comment number 52.

    AA RRRRRR FFFFFFFFF
    AA AA RR RR FF
    AA AA RR RR FF
    AAAAAAAA RRRRR FFFFF
    AA AA RR RR FF
    AA AA RR RR FF
    AA AARR RR FF



    Now...did that get your attention? Good...could we please have:

    "Baby I don't care" Transvision Vamp,

    For no other reason than she saw me safely through puberty and on into adulthood and I have not heard it in ages...the opening is just so good! Have a great weekend Chris..hope the weather holds fine for you all......me? I think I am off to Fairfod to see a nerw invention they are calling and "AEROPLANE"...not sure if it will be any good!

  • Comment number 53.

    waaaa...it did not work and now I have made a mess

  • Comment number 54.

    in stread of a big ARF it looks like a pile of Barf instead .....


    *chuckles and turns to his big pile of work*

  • Comment number 55.

    Morning CLP

    Well done Bingo on your meeting with the drive team! Chris, great impression of bingo the blogger! Congrats on you engagement. ;-))

    These are the lyrics to the third verse in 鈥淏ack in the USSR鈥 by the Beatles.

    Well the Ukraine girls really knock me out
    They leave the West behind
    And Moscow girls make me sing and shout
    That Georgia's always on my mind.

    Dedicated to the one and only BINGO and significant other would seem quite a nice way to start a Friday don鈥檛 ya fink?

    Keith the NotSoBigUn
    xx

  • Comment number 56.

    Question is - Did Katie sleep?

    Bless you both have a special time!

    I did 23 years regular service, no more going away for me thanks. ;-))

    Keith
    x

  • Comment number 57.

    Katie - good luck for today - we don't exopect to hear from you until Monday (nudge nudge, wink wink say no more)

    Cograts Bingo - thats three engagements this year on the blog
    1) me and Mr Bp to be
    2) MW and Errol
    3) Bingo and mrs bingo to be

    Ctd and beesmum - hats at the ready!

    Found out I cannot marry at my church of choice as I don't meet any of the strict guidelines - if only I havd got confirmed there as a teenager! Second choice church is still a great place but an hour away from my parents house so its going to be a long journey in the morning.

    Tomorrow - bridge between car park and oracle - 12:30 to meet for lucnh - in Reading - would be great to see you

    super bpx

  • Comment number 58.

    Hi all, I'm a first time blogger - or should that be blagger... trying to blag the 1st track on all request Friday.
    You see, last saturday I had a mild heart attack - nothing to be worried about now as I have all the pills and potions to get me through.

    However it's where and when it happened that could have made the news! I was driving a coach with 31 passengers down the M1 at the time and fortunately was able to get onto the hard shoulder between junctions 10 and 9 in the roadworks...

    Now out of hospital and at home, I'm just so thankful to be here with my fantastic wife Debbie, and would love to here "don't want to miss a thing" by Aerosmith which is basically my new outlook on life having has this experience.

    Love the show, Love life.

    Cheers

    Tony in Morecambe

  • Comment number 59.

    Tony - glas to hear you are well - what a horrible thing to happen to you!

    welcome to the blog - we are a motlely buch but mainly good humoured

    super bp x

  • Comment number 60.

    Tony welcome to the blog.

    I am please you survived your ordeal and the ticker is still ticking! It is this kind of things in life that put so much of the world around into perspective.

    Keep smiling

    Keith the NotSoBigUn

  • Comment number 61.

    tip for the day?

    Don't beat helicopter pilots at poker

  • Comment number 62.

    here a song for friday take it on the run by reo speedwagon. ideal for your hectic weekend

  • Comment number 63.

    don't wish to seem to snobby at all but are there not a lkareg number of peeps who just seem to post on thurs and fri?

    Seems a shame that they don't contribute a little throught the rest of the week.

    each to their own I know but it does seem a shame :(

  • Comment number 64.

    large*

  • Comment number 65.

    It's Friiiiiiiiidayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!

    This has been such a long, long week. Hoooray for the weekend!

    Even if I have got a pile of invoices to shift today. Booooo.

    Feeling a tad rebellious today so have come to work in my black Libertines t-shirt. Not sure what my ageing Mail-reading boss will make of associations with Mr Doherty in her company. Hold on tight .....

    Think I'm still getting over blog 322 - I keep chuckling to myself as random hair thoughts pop into my head. Oh dear!

    As for last night's WM question ... as lovely as Chesney Hawkes was (? ?) the one song that will get me on the (dance) floor without any prompting has to be She Sells Sanctuary by The Cult. Cheek bones in, arms up, and pose dance pose dance ... you know the one!

    Will avoid helicopter pilots and poker at all costs.

    CtD xxx

  • Comment number 66.

    ...and then there's them that do post, but can't think of any songs for ARF anyway :)

  • Comment number 67.

    thanks ej - i was wondering what on earth lkareg was ....

  • Comment number 68.

    Avoiding helicopter pilots Cheryl? You'll be counting out CLP then!

  • Comment number 69.

    Yo Yo Yo
    I have been missing for ages, and is not because I'm day-ist, is just I've been really really busy - working late in the evenings.... and hey - generally working which is an unusual turn of events for me at work!

    What I have been missing. And Guess What. Going to miss some more too.

    Off on Holiday tomorrow AM so today is all about packing and convincing my daughter that 2 suitcases of clothes are not necessary for an uninhabited island off the coast with NO ELEctricity, Cars or ... anything. Hmm Impossible Task Me Thinks.

    Had a very sad day at work yesterday and drove home howling my face off, which is not great in the grand scheme of things, however Am feeling happier in myself today and all fired up for HOLIDAY. I love this place.

    If any of you are interested in my wee island the DOGWITHNOBRAIN is sitting on Blogspot with photos at the ready.

    TOWN CALLED MALICE - Sounding Good.

    Hey - Does Bingo Star's visit mean we can all start dropping in unannounced????

    Not Saying that I'll be In London any time soon but I am visit MONKEY World in Dorset in November... is that anywhere near london?

    DWNB

  • Comment number 70.

    CTd - have come to work today in jeans and eeire pub co t-shirt - dress down friday - went to work yesterday in long black skirt and black t-shirt - even my man said I looked like a witch!

  • Comment number 71.

    It's Friday indeedy! And for the first time in I can't remember how long I actually slept really well last night. Admittedly I was falling asleep all day too but managed not to (not good to fall asleep in front of customers whilst attempting to count out change) but oh the joy of falling asleep instead of counting sheep somersaulting backwards over fences.

    And now I'm awake and not entirely sure what to do with myself. Not that there's nothing to do, just not got any idea where to start...

    Goodwood tomorrow - how excited am I!!!!! I will be on the hunt for CLP et al and the Coburn if it's there tomorrow and not just Sunday, and maybe I'll try and persuade the gang to pop into the M for a treat in the evening :)

    Just got to find something to wear now!

    Early night tonight, 5am pickup tomorrow to get to GW when it opens....

    xx

    excitedjumpingbean!!

  • Comment number 72.

    smart shirt and light trousers for me...no tie though

  • Comment number 73.

    SuperBP - that sounds like my wardrobe every day, give or take the odd bit of velvet and lace. Haven't owned jeans since I was in my teens. Just not "me".

    DWNB - get on with that packing and put bad days at work behind you hun!

    jumpybean - could never avoid CLP. He's way too lovely. Esp when you want to get your ARF song played!! lol

    Someone sent me a link for a poker game on fb. logged in but didn't have a scooby-doo what it was all about so have not returned. I'll beat anyone at cribbage tho. Learnt that when I was about 6 - the bonus of growing up in a pub, I guess!

    filing .....

  • Comment number 74.

    colour of shirt please mr bobajob

  • Comment number 75.

    jumping bean...having grown up in the GW area I can advise to leave very early and get there very early as the roads are rubbish - flask of hot coffee or tea and maybe some butties to boot.

    Every year people spend muych of the day sat on the surrounding roads trying to get into the parking...hopefully they will have sorted it out but you never know.

    I am also up at 5ish to head of to Fairford for the same reason..flask and plane spotting coat at the ready :)

  • Comment number 76.

    white with graph paper chequers

  • Comment number 77.



    Nowt wrong with a bit of poker enat. I once won a tournament akshully in a place called Ikareg. It's quite a big market town just on the Romanian border and is relatively famous (in Eastern parts) for breeding the Ikareg Sprinke(sp?), which is a pig similar to the Vietnamese Pot Bellied. And to the best of my knowledge there weren't any helicopter pilots either in or on the game...

    Anyhoo, we is too high for sp1ders in my ossif, but at home is turtley different matter. There are dozens of the blighters...all small...all BAD...and even the conkers aren't keeping 'em away.

    But, it is Friday! Orf to the Isle of Widget tomorrow donchaknow...am hoping that the sea is reasonably flat...at least on the way home...

    ...and Mr Debbie...interesting habit...does he keep the door open as well..?

    or alice by the mission
    love
    hazel
    x

    30-40

  • Comment number 78.

    Yep yep, aiming to arrive before 6 and will have as many flasks of hot beverages as is possible to fit in among the supplies tucked away in the boot :)

    Have just checked weather for Chichester and it doesn't look too bad for tomorrow - wondering if I'll get away with sneakers or if wellies might be more appropriate...

  • Comment number 79.

    Spidrags :( Mr jumpy hoovered as many up as possible (apologies to spider lovers but I really don't like them) but I keep finding the mites dangling off cupboards. Sigh. Least we solved the earwig problem last summer, none have managed to breach the defences yet this year.

  • Comment number 80.

    wellies :)

    My army boots are already to go..going to be muddy I am sure :)

    Nowt wrong with spiders (except poisonous ones of course)..always makes me smile that people are scared of them...they are sooooo small and I really don't like bluebottles so spiders are good.

  • Comment number 81.

    you sound like a spreadsheet dear!

    We've got an easyish weekend at last! The most taxing thing for Saturday is a visit to the nail bar, then a night in with a good, honest home-made curry. I really can't remember our last Saturday night in. Looking forward to it no end!

    Sunday is the sis-in-laws akchewal 40th. She of the spa day last week. Garden party in afternoon with the family and their friends - the same set of yummy mummies with oddly named children, 'cept the daddies will be there this time. Praise the lord!

    then it'll be Monday again and I'll be back here chatting to yous lot!

    Hey ho!

  • Comment number 82.

    "Wyte" : chiefly Scot.
    The things you learn playing scrabble.

  • Comment number 83.

    I think the bluebottles would be feasting on these little things rather than the other way round... Not scared of the little ones, just the big 'uns that pretend to be shadows then make me jump when they scuttle away. Or the ones that pretend to be funnel spiders and create very interesting webs.

    Mr jumpy used to have a friendly spider that watched saturday morning TV with him and his sister...

    That's the thing about irrational fears, they are very irrational.

    Ah well, wellies it is... better try and clean them up! Oooh last summer's high fashion might be making a comeback - wellies and short and sexy summer dresses :)

  • Comment number 84.

    An email that was sent to me today......

    I thought I would share - some of them made me laugh................

    Tommy Cooper Jokes

    Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married

    The ceremony was rubbish but the Reception was Brilliant.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------

    Man goes to the docs, with a strawberry growing out of his head.

    Doc says, 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'

    --------------------------------------------------------------------

    'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home.'

    'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.'

    'Is it common?'

    'It's not unusual.'

    -------------------------------------------------------------------

    A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.

    'My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?'

    'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at him'

    So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.

    Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.'

    'What? Because he's cross-eyed? '

    'No, because he's really heavy'

    --------------------------------------------------------------------

    'Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's.'

    'Well you can't say fairer than that then'

    ------------------------------------------------------------------

    Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom boom!

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------
    So I went to the dentist.

    He said 'Say Aaah.'

    I said 'Why?'

    He said 'My dog's died.'
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------

    So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said
    'Who's speaking please?'

    And a voice said 'You are.'
    -------------------------------------------------------------------

    So I rang up my local swimming baths.
    I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?'

    He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------
    So I rang up a local building firm,
    I said 'I want a skip outside my house.'

    He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------

    Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5
    people in my family, so it must be one of them.

    It's either my mum or my dad.
    Or my older brother Colin.
    Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.

    But I think it's Colin.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------

    So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he
    said 'You've been promoted.'

    And I swerved.

    And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again.'

    And I swerved again.

    He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.'

    And I went into a tree.

    And a policeman came up and said

    'What happened to you?'
    And I said 'I careered off the road.'

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------

    Now, most dentists' chairs go up and down, don't they?
    The one I was in went back and forwards.

    I thought 'This is unusual'.
    And the dentist said to me
    'Mr. Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.'

    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give
    me a lift?'

    I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------

    Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other

    'Does this taste funny to you?'

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------

    Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and
    the other was eating fireworks.

    They charged one and let the other one off.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------

    You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
    They left a little note on the windscreen; it said 'Parking Fine.'

    So that was nice.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------

    A man walked into the doctors,
    The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time'
    The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------

    A man walked into the doctors,
    he said 'I've hurt my arm in several places'

    The doctor said, 'well don't go to those places'

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------

    I had a ploughman's lunch the other day.
    He wasn't very happy.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------

    I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
    couldn't find any.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------

    I bought some HP sauce the other day.
    It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------

    Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one
    of them would have seen it.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------

    Phone answering machine message -

    '...If you want to buy marijuana.............press the hash key...'

    -------------------------------------------------------------------

    I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
    couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.

    He said, 'No, the steaks are too high.'

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------

    My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.

    A strong currant pulled him in.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------

    A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.

    He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!'

    The doctor replied, 'I know you can't, I've cut your arms off'.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------

    I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------

    Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly.

    They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all
    that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------
    Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
    with hundreds and thousands.

    Police say that he topped himself.
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------

    Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'Your round.'

    The other one says 'So are you, you fat slob!'



  • Comment number 85.

    If I don't get my ARF then I will go with EJR's choice of transvision vamp!! Brilliant

  • Comment number 86.

    I love my wellies - they're pink and silver. I got them for V Festival last year and they went very well indeedy with black shorts and a black vesty top thing. They also brighten up the allotment, as black or green tend to be the wellie of choice over there!

    Spiders: extreme phobia. Had a very brief spell of living on my own between fellas and had to ring my best friend as there was a massive monster on the curtains one night. Bless her - she drove about 5 miles across town to rescue me and liberate "it".

    What a mate!

  • Comment number 87.

    Ello, ello Christoof man..........

  • Comment number 88.

    And ALL!!!

    My goodness, ave only been away for a day..........

  • Comment number 89.

    And the whole situation ere 'as gone totally....... APE!!!!!!!

  • Comment number 90.

    Morning all.

    CTD, totally with you on the wellies. Everyone should have wellies. I have 3 pairs. One pair in the car for allotment visits. One pair by door for dog walking duties. One pair in cupboard for emergencies (and cos I can't resist nice wellies!).

    Jumpingbean - hello!! Wondered where you'd got to the last few days!!

    Trigger, your post was funny!
    Tony - glad to hear you're ok, welcome to the blog.
    Katie - how you diddling honey??

    It's friday, woo hoooo :-))

    T xxxx

  • Comment number 91.

    You can't have your kayak and heat it :)

    That's been one of my fave jokes for a long time!

    Think I've got a mate who would like to be the reincarnation of Tommy Cooper...

    Cheryl, what a top mate. Bless her!! Loving the pink and silver, they sound brill! Mine are (were) white with black flowers doodled on them. White is not a sensible colour for wellies, if anyone is thinking of buying some. They look great until you wear them in the mud. Then the mud never ever ever comes off.... Just given them a scrub to get the worst off, but they will never be white white again unless someone can recommend a good welly-cleaner. Ho hum.

  • Comment number 92.

    Look CLP man, I did oly come ter BC 'ouse in........

  • Comment number 93.

    Tinsel - three pairs!!! Now that's the way to do it :) I would have a pair for show (they would be the white ones, if they were clean), a red shiny pair because everybody should have a pair of red shiny paddington bear wellies, and a pair for tromping in the hills :)

  • Comment number 94.

    Hello Bingo! You back home now then?
    xx

  • Comment number 95.

    Friendship.......

  • Comment number 96.

    I love coloured boots. Today I am wearing my pink cowboy boots, no less. Very comfy and very pink.

    At home I have 2 pairs of DMs - one pair is purple with black footprints over it, the other bright red patent leather. Wicked!

    Used to wear the coloured DMs at the landfill job instead of the recommended safety "rigger" boots: brown hun - so not me!!!

    Need a rant. Will start new blog entry below.

    Soz for interrupting Bingo ....

  • Comment number 97.

    And total admireance of the......

  • Comment number 98.

    Gods of broadcasting - know what am sayin' ere!!!!!!!

  • Comment number 99.

    just don't go searching for wellies on t'internet. It is a dangerous and expensive hobby (well, maybe not dangerous, but expensive!!)

    T xx

  • Comment number 100.

    As for security - Ok I did get the evil eye off security during me stay there BUT.....

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