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ATTACK ATTACK ATTACK

Chris Evans | 16:03 UK time, Wednesday, 11 April 2007

Bloody rabbits, I liked the little devils until i realised, realised what I would have to do to keep them out of my vegetable patch.

I have dug and dug and dug again...

... one has to bury the fence of course otherwise the hungry little b£$"^^&'#s will be right under the wire like a group of desperate world war two prisoners making a run for it

So the fence is now dug well and truly in, the soil has been compacted back from whence it came. Now are we ready to sew ? Of course we're not because looking down upon us are the newly arrived four families of crows who have recently set up shop atop a couple of tall trees that just happen to be within perfect swooping distance of my soon to be laid seed drills.

Crows choosing to nest on your land is said to be a sign of good look, well er...

Off to the garden centre again then, this time my purchase will be a bunch of netting. The crows look on unaware that their obvious future plans are about to be thwarted.

Ha ha, ha ha !

Fence posts, rolls of wire netting, the new sledge hammer I had to buy, the mulch, the fertliliser and now the netting. Seventy two man hours and counting, the cost price of my veg,., should they survive, greenfly, blackfly,l blight, slugs, the wind and the wrong kind of sun, will be way past what I would pay for the same kind of perfectly grown veg from even the priciest of farmers' marklets.

But hey it's all good for the soul.

And next year, well the vast slice of expenditure will be out of the way...won't it ?

Comments

  1. At 04:29 PM on 11 Apr 2007, wrote:

    Chris - buy an air rifle, much cheaper, and more fun too

    Am starting to plan my veggie patch, it won't be fully operational until next year but I guess it's a long term plan.

    :o) Jo

    PS anyone good at fixed term contract and maternity law??? serious work issues at the moment

  2. At 04:34 PM on 11 Apr 2007, Tickle wrote:

    I declared war on the crows last year and despite the truce over winter I fear hostilities will break out again this summer...

    Why - because at 5am in summer time, you're woken up by them hopping on the gutter and going "caw caw!" relentlessy! Grr....

    I only have time for one crow - the one legged crow, who made a return appearance yesterday stealing some bread for the small birdies. This fella swoops down, but only having one leg, has to hop about to prevent falling over and yet, he battles his way against the other crows.

    Vultures in disguise!

    Tickle

    PS - No rabbits here yet. Unless they get together with the crows...oh what a nightmare that would be!

  3. At 04:42 PM on 11 Apr 2007, Sammie wrote:

    CLP - sounds like, erm, fun??

    I'm not a gardener. Never have been and I doubt I ever will be, but, I respect those that spend their time slaving over gardens. I always appreciate the harvest - my sisters rhubarb is to die for and her carrots - yummy!

    Is this why you want a four day week? So you can spend the other three in your veggie garden?

    Another beautiful day, and alas, back to work tomorrow.

    Been ill this week, so haven't listened yet, will be tonight though and looking forward to hearing your lovely voice.

    S xx.

  4. At 04:46 PM on 11 Apr 2007, wrote:

    Green fingered as well, the talents of this man are never ending. As for crows, well I think I've got jackdaws in my chimney but they will have eggs by now so don't really want to do anything about it till the babies have gone. I'll just have to put up with twigs and shrieks hurtling down into the grate.

    Don't think about the price Chris it's worth it for a freshly picked broad bean - they taste nothing like the ones you buy - organic, farmers market or otherwise.

    Mange tout, petit pois and haricot!

  5. At 04:54 PM on 11 Apr 2007, Rachel wrote:

    Hi Chris and the Blogettes,


    wow ... we're having the same problemettes with our garden .. have just bought some netting too. Last year we planted 150 beans ..... and ....only 3 survived the birds ...... you don't make that mistake twice.......yep ... we're not planting beans this year ... (smile) ...yes we are really, and peas and carrots.. and lettuce and tomatoes ( 3 kinds) .... that just about does it for the small veg plot ..... the big one is still in prep ........ . The green house is all ready though .. re-glopped it last weekend ....new compost and ready for the tomatoes, when they need planting out .. they're in there now in their little pots :)...... we're putting some of the toms outside again this year ... tried it last year with some success .well.. a little ..... but with the nets, at least the birds won't get them....... ... My hubby looks after the big stuff , I do the salad stuff - Radish, Lettuce Cucumbers etc ( oh yes why is a cold frame called a cold frame?) oh and cress ... cos that is really easy to grow ... and quickly too ... fab in a sandwich just with butter .... remember having that at school after growing cress in an egg box?... those were the days.......

    Slugs ... what about those?.. what do they like to eat?... I thought if I put a pile of Gormet Slug food ... you know .. over there...out of the way , down the bottom of the garden then they'll leave our veg patch alone.... ... will that work ... or will they just eat that say thanks Rach .... and then move in on the veg patch anyway.... I don't want to kill the little fellas ... they're a bit bit gloopy to pick up though....... not that I would like a date with one either..... Boom Tish........

    Keep smiling

    Rachel
    x

  6. At 05:38 PM on 11 Apr 2007, Rhodri Evans wrote:

    Hey Chris, just think of the pay off!
    Rabbit stew, roast rabbit, rabbit kebabs!

    Good luck matey!

  7. At 06:08 PM on 11 Apr 2007, wrote:

    And then there's the Health and Safety (Private Horticulture) certifcation process.

  8. At 06:46 PM on 11 Apr 2007, Hellen wrote:

    Chris - take heart, nothing tastes like veg grown in your own garden. I did it for the first time ever last year and the sweetcorn (which my gardening diva sister has never been able to grow) we the most delicious thing we have ever tasted. I've got an allotment this year so there's no stopping me now!

  9. At 08:00 PM on 11 Apr 2007, Ruth wrote:

    Well there really is nowt like your own grown veg, just knowing that your effort has brought it into the world makes it all the nicer. I have 4 m2 of veg patch and you'd be amazed how much I manage to grow. This year I'm growing the runner beans across an arch into the veg patch as the Mrs wants somewhere to sit. :o)

    Good luck with yours Chris, if you think of it freeze some veg for Christmas day, can't be beaten!

  10. At 08:22 PM on 11 Apr 2007, Matt from Rudgwick wrote:

    Blimey.

    I get back late, log straight on to see the blog and

    What a poor turn out.

    I fear that we are a blowin' in the wind a little, what with our friends like Peni(s) et al having a knock whenever they can and 'the locals' having found somewhere just a little more cosy with nicer sofas and the local ale on tap.

    Christoph, my friend, a breath of fresh air is required in this particular establishment.

    Over to you.

    By the way. I thought you were selling the 'allergic' house? All this 'de-rabbiting' can't be taking place in the city flat, have you re-camped already?

    Peace & love

    MfR

    PS Stranded in the jungle

    PPS Errol Flynn

  11. At 08:27 PM on 11 Apr 2007, EG (Scotland) wrote:

    Chris - I don't care who you are, I won't have a bad thing said about the most wonderful creatures to inhabit this earth - rabbits.

    I think as I've explained to other blogging friends, I'm happy to share my veg patch etc with all of my fellow creatures. The buns nibble the carrots and the likes, the catapillars have the sprouts, the birds get to my strawberries, and the snails ... well they are partial to a bit of most things. But hey, I still have enough left for me. So if I can share a little .... well I'm happy to do so. Relax. Enjoy your garden. Most of all enjoy the wonderful creatures that inhabit it.

    EG

  12. At 09:40 PM on 11 Apr 2007, EG (Scotland) wrote:

    # 4 Penguin - me too with the jackdaws in the chimney. And they keep coming back year after year. Two years ago, I put one of those vent things over the top but the wind blew it off. As soon as that happened the jackdaws moved back in. I'm sure if I make too much noise they start shouting (!) at me.

    EG

  13. At 10:40 PM on 11 Apr 2007, gingembre wrote:

    bit late today, been a busy bee.... not as busy as you CLP.
    Don't worry about the slugs and flies etc, there's an ace firm in my neck of the woods which apparently are the business - look up Green Gardener on the net and they'll look after you.
    It's my ex-in-laws company!!!!!!
    Can't help with the rabbits or crows though, you'll need the help of the other bloggers for that.
    Sorry all, haven't got much to say tonight - very happy that we have 3 semi-finalists in the Champions League. Hope Spurs can keep the flag flying tomorrow too.
    Mange tout
    KW x

  14. At 11:29 PM on 11 Apr 2007, Jill wrote:

    MfR - only a 'poor turnout' on the Blog 'cos poor CLP was so busy fencing the veggie plot, I'm sure you know the feeling. It was great to hear you on the radio, by the way, wihen S.Mac was at the helm. A blog friend on air - yippee!

    The rabbits get loadsastuff in my garden - flowers as well as beans, then there are plenty of wood pigeons to contend with too. Still, that's nature for you. We all have to share what's there, and the challenges go on. Pity the rabbits and pigeons and slugs don't just concentrate on the weeds. At least they like dandelions.

    One deterrent to rabbits and maybe slugsandsnails is to put strong-smelling plants like marogolds or lavender around the edge of the borders. Sludgy things like snails dislike a rough surface so wood-chippings can off-put them. Only treatment against caterpillars is to watch out for eggs on the leaves and wipe them off, or else pick of the caterpillars when they hatch!

    It's all rewarding, even if just to be out in the open air.

    Good growing and then good munching

    Jill

  15. At 08:05 AM on 12 Apr 2007, wrote:

    Hi Chris.

    In all honesty birds don't eat that many seeds that you should need to net your veg patch! I have been growing veg in my garden for 2 years now and havn't experianced any major bird damage. Try hanging some old CD's up on long strings so that they catch the sunlight. These make excellent birdscarers!

    The main problem is with white fly on my brassicas. Infact they are so much bother I have decided to abandon the entire group this year and stick to more easily managed things like salad veg, potatoes and Corn. Only catpillers to look out for then!!

    Anyway, I hope you enjoy the gardening! It gives a great sense of achievement to look at a nicely dug veg patch at the end of a hard digging session.

    All the best,
    Mary

  16. At 08:55 AM on 12 Apr 2007, Peni wrote:

    (door)MfR

    so sorry you feel I am not entitled to voice my opinion, are you the BP?

  17. At 09:25 AM on 12 Apr 2007, wrote:


    THIRSTY THURSDAY ALREADY HOORAH! CHEERS!

    I didn't see this blog til this morning...dunno wot is up with the server here...one is getting terribly fed up with having to get ones own tea too.

    Suffice to say...The boy and I have a communal garden. We are forced to share it with the Children of the Damned (Stepford Children, Children of the Corn, other Children with less slides, bicycles, screaming are available, well I do hope so anyway) so the chances of a quiet Sunday afternoon reading the paper and dozing are REALLY minimal, as are the chances of ever planting anything like seeds, the only thing growing in this patch, is resentment.

    Other than that we get seagulls.

    You may have noticed that at work I have a jolly band of wildlife a-thronging about my work place. The pheasant, I think, must have been got, as he hasn't appeared for ages, and this saddens me because he was just getting used to use. The buns are gawjus, as are all the wee birdies who are now seeing fit to partake of the food I have on offer.

    Christophe - what you are forgetting is...if you send out the negative, you'll get negative...if you do all the 'the birds and the rabbits are gonna get everything' thinking, then they probably will...if you offer it to them to share, then they will, and like EG (Scotland) there'll still be enough for you.

    Apparently 'we' (at work) are going to be growing tomatoes and beans out the front...and you just KNOW who's gonna be doing all the cultivating...
    love
    hazel
    x

    ps When I did have the joys of a garden, the slugs ate the marigolds with just as much joy as they ate the hostas and everything else. Orange peel to keep cats away.

  18. At 10:00 AM on 12 Apr 2007, wrote:

    By the way, Christophe, have you seen the wine ad where they plant a rose bush near the grapes so they can catch the 'blackspot' before it gets to the vine?

    Might be an idea to plant a couple of bushes near the veg as I believe green and black fly prefer roses to vegetables?

    Anyone?

    Gotta be worth a try...and I'd recommend the standard rose as they are tall, no bending down to 'ave a look!...and you'd need to check with the garden centre that it would be perpetually flowering...

  19. At 10:21 AM on 12 Apr 2007, clodagh wrote:

    Ah well now Christophe.

    You're soundin' like my dear barking mad cousin Barry with your war with the rabbits.

    Barry is to be found at all hours of the day and night patrollin' his estate in the aptly named Knutsford with his gun, a ladder over his shoulder and a box of nuts laced with paraquat in his one-man mission to eradicate the grey squirrel population of Cheshire. And so far it's the squirrels 58, Barry 0.

    I well remember being left on Squirrel watch whilst he was in China, and witnessing a gang of large squirrels wearing Ray-Bans, baseball caps and tattoos, chompin' away merrily on his bird nuts and wavin' me the two-fingered salute. Urgently texting him for further instruction, he replied, "The gun is beside the bed. Take the safety catch off and open the window first."

    Bless him. And as for those Squirrel-No-More plastic gadget thingys that aresupposed to protect the bird nuts, forget it. Unless the squirrels in Cheshire have bin watchin' Dancin' On Ice, they don't work. They just do a marvellous Triple Salko before makin' off with said nuts.

    Good Luck.

    Clodagh.x

  20. At 11:40 AM on 12 Apr 2007, Nicki wrote:

    Hi all,
    Sorry not been about much of late, or possibly not had anything much to say.

    But I have to say Hazel, I want your job, wot a great bunch of peeps to work with that want to grow toms etc at work, apart from all lovely wild life that seems to be around your place of employment. My employers are in the throws of moving from deepest Bucks to the back of beyond in Herts. It truly is the back of beyond, a farm in the middle of no place, so I'm hoping there will be loadsa wild life, I'm trying to convince them of the benefits of us having a company goat, and the care of said goat would come under my duties as PA to the MD! He's not certain, more arm twisting needed.

    Refering to our leaders planting exploits, I grew Toms, Rocket and Spring Onions last year in tubs on my patio, fantastic to just nip to the garden and come back with salad, best get a move on and get them planted if going to do it again this year.

    Oh well, better get on with some work I guess.

    Laters
    Take care
    Nicki

  21. At 12:08 PM on 12 Apr 2007, Matt from Rudgwick wrote:

    Peni

    Apologies.

    My post was unnecessary, the result of a long day and a bad evening.

    Of course everyone is entitled to their opinion.

    Thats the whole point.

    MfR

  22. At 12:22 PM on 12 Apr 2007, wrote:

    I just had a little chuckle to myself...MfR that was very politely put.

    Still looking for a legal eagle!

    :o) Jo

  23. At 12:55 PM on 12 Apr 2007, BINGO STAR wrote:

    Yo Ma Main Man Evans & all blog friends.

    I've just atlast finished rebuilding me new kitchen after blowing up me old one playing me electric guitar too loud.
    3 weeks of stress and hard work- It nearly sent me over the edge. It was only Wrightie & Christoff that kept me sane- but only just.
    Just don't let The Culture Secretary- Jezza Towel hear that or me licence fee will be through the roof- am tellin yer blog friends!!!
    Mind you if WW3 breaks out soon and a nuke lands near me house me kitchen might be through the roof or me roof through me kitchen. Causing me to ave to visit B&Q 42 times all over again- DAMN politicians!!!

    STRESS- am tellin yer!!!

    Chris any chance of playing on yer show later some Ub40- Rat In Mi Kitchen to help calm me down, before I end up in rehab.

    Chow til next time blog friends.

  24. At 01:00 PM on 12 Apr 2007, Sammie wrote:

    Insomniacs R Us here....

    Had a grand total of about four hours sleep last night and then when I did nod off, I had a terrifiying nightmare! Not the best start for first day in new job!!

    I almost, almost feel inspired to garden, but my limit is weeding and lawn mowing I'm afraid. Oh, OK, I phone my dad and ask him to come round....

    MfR - I agree, there does seem to be a certain something lacking from the Blog these days and I agree other Blogs seem to be much more inviting; if it wasn't for the wretched poxy server...

    Blue skies again today, but alas no chance of the wonderous one visiting me tonight, so will have to wait until after work tomorrow. What with that and the lack of sleep, I'm not as sunny as I should be. Still, fixed grin in place, best suit on, best shiny shoe wearing foot forward...

    Onwards and upwards, my friends,

    S xx.

    P.S. HL - how are your balls and tits today?

    P.P.S. Rock Hudson.

  25. At 01:10 PM on 12 Apr 2007, Sammie wrote:

    Clodagh,

    I think it must have been your cousin Barry that burst one of my tyres last time I was Knutsford way! I've since altered my route around the lovely place...

    I suppose we should be grateful he doesn't take aim at the aircraft travelling to/from Manchester Airport...

    S xx.

    P.S. The Whipping Stocks

  26. At 01:22 PM on 12 Apr 2007, Dissing Dave wrote:

    Aaaah Critters!!! pronounced cridders

    personally I don't have a problem with crows or any birds come to that, due to 4 cats only too eager and willing to reduce their population! Nor do I have a problem with rabbits now I live in the centre of Milton Keynes.

    However, the funniest thing I ever saw with any of my cats was when we lived in Wroxham (otherwise known as Roys Town), Norfolk and our little tom Casper (His name is Casper and he is a little tom-cat) who was about 8 months old at the time brought this baby rabbit down the garden in his mouth by the scruff and tried to bring it in to the house through our magnetically operated cat-flap. Casper with rabbit in mouth couldn't get the flap to operate. Therefore baby rabbit had to be rescued by me pushing my hand through said cat flap and grabbing firmly and pulling through, closely followed by very proud Casper who was then abruptly locked in the house while I returned rabbit to the back field and safety of it's family!

    Another adventure was 3 of our cats stalking a male pheasant! Male pheasant just kept strutting away with our three cats following in full stalk at about 10 foot distance. Pheasant eventually flew away leaving three cats staring around at each other, as if asking "how did he do that?"

    btw Orange peel doesn't work on any of my cats, they just eat it!!

    DD out

    PS Daddy or chips?

  27. At 03:22 PM on 12 Apr 2007, wrote:

    Hi Chris & Co,
    First of all a belated Happy 41st Birthday to you! I bet there was some serious Guniness supping involved. Glad to hear that you are keeping busy and enjoying your existence. Getting involved with the soil and mother nature is the biggest buzz this time of year. It's that fabulous Aries time and I couldn't be happier!
    As a treat for my birthday I went to bottle feed some lambs on the local farm - yes I live in London and have real big proper farm just a stonesthrow fom my house as well as a massive and hard to join golf club and extensive ancient woodland. I really do live in the greenest spot with a London postcode and officially the highest point in London to boot. Anyway, many friends now have samll children and babies and don't do the party thing anymore so I met them all at my local farm and got involved with some lambs. It was fanatstic. I am now on first name terms with a real farmer for the first time in my life and plan to organise a barn dance in his barn to raise some money for the trust which survives on donations. That feels very good indeed.
    I return to your blog refreshed from my Cornish jaunt and several days digging and sowing at my allotment - my birthday pressie from my son. I also received a fantastic Moon Gardening book from a good friend and discovered that I have sown EVERYTHING on wrong days! I've sown roots on leaf days and leaves on flower days and some days I've been sowing when I shouldn't have been doing anything at all! I shall now sow more at the correct times to test the moon growing theory so no tim wasted. I shall have double crops and that can only be a bonus. I do love to see the positives.......xx

    Already planning allotment autumn harvest with the tiny local primary school where I am a school governor. Those kiddies love to get involved. I'm lucky to have three ponies in a paddock adjoining my allotment - literally a small fence between us. One is a weeny Sheltland pony and I have to say I really don't get the tiny pony thing. A bonsai pony. It just looks deformed to me. (Apologies to all Shetland pony lovers/owners out there). I like being ON a horse not walking along with it on a lead. That's a dog's place. I can understand that 2 year olds need to start riding on the weeny ponies but once you run out of 2 year olds they're pretty much redundant I would have thought.
    Well i can't sign off without mentioning my first ever true love - David Cassidy. He's 57 today. Happy Birthday to him! Still can't believe I was in love with a man 16 years older than me even though I was only 6! I had an office affair with a man 16 years younger in recent years but that's another story........;) I don't find david the least bit attractive now but I still melt when I hear Could It Be Forever or I Think I LoveYou! or Walking in the Rain........xx

    Have a great show tonight. I'll be digging and sowing and radio just doesn't fit at the allotment so i'll not be listening. I'll leave one on at home for your ratings though. Thoughtful to the end.........

    Debs xx

  28. At 03:24 PM on 12 Apr 2007, Dissing Dave wrote:

    I hate days in the office when the weather is nice outside! We should all be able to pack up at lunch-time, go to the pub and sit in the garden drinking our favourite tipples! Think I'll put that in my manifesto for the leadership of the We work too hard party.
    Frustration over.

    DD out

  29. At 04:04 PM on 12 Apr 2007, wrote:


    DD - A message for you from the Pedantry. I think you'll find it's 'DD in'...

    ***

    Clodagh...the instruction to open the iwndow first was the bit that finished me off...wondering what bird nuts are though. Would they be similar to fat balls? I know the tits love 'em! (thank you Sammie)

    Nicki...I know I'm lucky. Just remember that it takes AT LEAST two weeks (if the little b*ggers bother at all) for the lovely birdies to find new sources of food...so don't be disappointed if they don't come a-flocking as soon as you've walked away from the birdie table. Presuming your work does end up moving of course.

    My friends cat couldn't go out after my friend had installed a magnetic cat flap. Why? Because he got a fork stuck to his collar, that's why.

    HL GORN
    x

    Can hear that ring pull...........kssssssht...aaaaah

    ps Chips

    pps MfR, as I said, Mattews Rose


  30. At 04:06 PM on 12 Apr 2007, Sammie wrote:

    DD - isn't that called flexi-time? I like to come into work early and finish early on days like this. Unfortunately, my new location does NOT have 24hr Security Guards and the building doesn't even open until 8 am! Getting into work early is one of the things I really like to do. Get a good couple of hours in before anyone else even appears and then slope off at 3 pm - bliss! Then, DD, I go home, and open a nice bottle of white and relax with a book for while.

    (Kids permitting!)

    Roll on summer!

    S xx.

  31. At 04:42 PM on 12 Apr 2007, jennifer reid wrote:

    Rabbits - you could of course but a gun and have some delicious rabbit pie!!

  32. At 12:39 AM on 13 Apr 2007, bev young wrote:

    Hey mr chris, lord of all that is broadcast. I learnt a little while ago to plant your best crop next to a crop that is attractive to pests. This varies, but always works and hawkeyes mash was actually a chant to the king of carrotts, "suicide is painless" and my kids tea is all the healthier for the self sacrificing rubbish veg!

  33. At 01:21 PM on 13 Apr 2007, bodminbabe wrote:

    Hello chums

    Easy-peasy. CD's hanging on strings from bamboo poles works fab for scaring the birds. We have a rookery at the end of our field (where our vegetable patch resides) and they don't bother with the seeds. They are more interested in snaffling through the grass cuttings!

    Feed the birds, Chris. Little bird table, couple of feeders hanging off - keep it well stocked. then the birds will always go there for food and never go anywhere near your little seedlings.

    Ah, bliss though, another weekend in the garden. We'll have a water shortage soon!

  34. At 10:39 PM on 15 Apr 2007, wrote:

    I'm seriously tempted with the air rifle idea as well.

    In the meantime I hope I don't have to go as far as burying chicken wire. The lettuce & rocket seedlings are tucked up safely indoors but I need to put them outisde soon....into bunny territory. Like you Chris, I like the ol' big eared creatures but I think we'll have a big falling out soon. Time (and chicken wire) will tell I guess.

    But at least your plot is flat - I'm trying to garden on the side of a hill which adds (quite literally) another dimension, and a bit more exercise!

    Stephen

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