Quotes of the week
Yes, it's that time of the week again. Sharp-eyed viewers will notice that there are not as many quotes and chants to share with you this week - probably due to the fact that there was hardly any football on.
But fear not - where there's darts, there's hope! And don't be shy to add on any gems we've missed at the bottom, or by
"I've been watching Mark Clattenburg this season. He did the Arsenal-Tottenham game - you'd have had to hit someone with an axe before he booked anyone in that game!"
Sir Alex Ferguson has a pop at the ref after Darren Fletcher's sending off at Birmingham. There's a surprise.
"There were some wonderful and weird decisions out there. The linesman gave offside for our goal - it's an own-goal and he gives offside!"
And the linesman doesn't escape the wrath of Fergie either.
Fergie cuts a dejected figure at St Andrew's
"When we get to Old Trafford we will take the banner down! It is the last year it will be up, for sure."
Manchester City boss Roberto Mancini vows to oversee the removal of a banner at the Stretford End which features the number of years since City last won a trophy. (Currently midway between 33 and 34.)
"Everyone is dressed to impress, but few of them wrap up even when it's below freezing!"
Fernando Torres marvels at the Liverpool all year round.
"Being a big centre-half myself, it was obviously me who taught him to go and just gently lift it over the goalkeeper!"
Everton boss David Moyes takes the credit for Steven Pienaar's cute chip against Arsenal.
"You cannot have more fun indoors unless you take your clothes off - and even then it won't last as long and you won't hear as many howls."
³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ darts presenter Colin Murray after Martin 'Wolfie' Adams beat Dave Chisnall to win the BDO title.
"Phil is a once-in-a-lifetime player. It's just a shame he came along in my lifetime."
Bobby George on Phil Taylor.
"One of my friends, one of the few I have lately, told me, 'you're like Rocky'.I'm full of punches and blood but I say to my opponents, 'you don't hurt me, hit harder because you're not hurting me'. There's nothing that can knock me out, my mother used to hit me harder."
Under-fire Juventus coach Ciro Ferrara after watching his side lose four of their last five games.
"He is in a great age group and has got good legs and a lovely touch as you would imagine from a Spanish player in La Liga."
Birmingham boss Alex McLeish admires the pins of new signing Michel.
"Until I feel I'm playing like a snooker player then I am not going to call myself a snooker player any more. I'm going to call myself a leisure man who plays a bit of snooker in his spare time."
'Former' snooker player Ronnie O'Sullivan.
"Colly was saying 'How are TV going to make highlights out of that?!'"
Graeme Swann after team-mate Paul Collingwood's dogged 40 from 188 balls helps England's cricketers to an unlikely draw against South Africa.
"Have you seen his hands? They are pretty disgusting. It was a good question, I thought."
Laura Robson after asking mixed doubles partner Andy Murray about his moisturising habits midway through a match.
"Graham Onions: he's a legend, isn't he?''
Andrew Strauss after the number 11 came up trumps again to see England through to a draw in the third Test against South Africa. 
Graham Onions - legend
"They probably need to promote Graham Onions.''
South Africa skipper Graeme Smith concurs - through gritted teeth.
"It's a little bit naughty. We are trying to get it to reverse - not by stepping on the ball, but by shining it.''
South Africa's AB de Villiers on the , after Stuart Broad stopped the ball with his foot.
AND SOME FROM YOU
"As captain you've got to talk to the bowlers about what's going on, it's no good standing at first slip and using hieroglyphics."
Former South Africa batsman Clive Rice criticising Graeme Smith's communication skills before the fourth Test in South Africa.
(John Marsh, USA)
"I've got a bus to catch, and so have you!"
Roy Keane after a national newspaper journalist asked him a particularly long-winded question after the Leicester-Ipswich game.
(Simon Braddy, Nottingham)
"There's nothing flaky about that 99!"
Darts commentator after Dave Chisnall took out a crucial 99 in the BDO final.
(Francis Kyan, England)
"Everton, they've got Cahill, Osman and Pienaar. They're not household names - maybe not even in their own houses."
Eamon Dunphy analysing the Arsenal-Everton draw on RTE.
(Kieran Macken, Ireland)
"Coming up later on ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ2, Dave Chisnall meets Tony 'Wolfie' Adams in the final of the BDO World Darts."
³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ2 Announcer on Sunday afternoon - Presumably Tony has been practising with Martin 'The Power' Keown and Lee 'The Count' Dixon!
(Rory, Sutton Coldfield)
"The Bengals got away with one there, but it hasn't solved the problem of Carson Palmer being high all day."
NBC commentator during the New York Jets v Cincinnati Bengals Wild Card play-off game.
(Dan Esam, England)
"We've got three points today, and that's better than one point."
Nigel Adkins being interviewed after Scunthorpe's 4-1 away win against Derby.
(Juan, Leeds)
"Tony Chisnall beats number one seed Dave O'Shea 6-3 to reach the final of the BDO World Championship."
³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ reporters getting in a mess at the Lakeside.
(James Porter, Twickenham)
"He's not really throwing anything at O'Shea."
From darts commentary earlier in the tournament. That's probably a good thing, those darts might hurt!
(Luke D, England).
"Dale Steyn's hamstrings are his Achilles heel."
Shaun Pollock in commentary on the third Test between England and South Africa.
"I know if I was Larry Grayson I wouldn't sell him."
Paul Jewell on Soccer Saturday reveals his pet name for the Leeds manager when talking about Jermaine Beckford.
(John Henry, UK)
Shut that door!
"I dont have to like the guy and I dont like the guy."
Aberdeen manager Mark McGhee referring to the linesman in Saturday's game against Dundee United.
(Glen, Aberdeen)
"(Portsmouth's former owner Sacha)Gaydamak says he is owed £28 by the club."
Taken from an . I'll lend him the money if he wants!
(Rob Goodall, UK).
"The situation is ongoing but he is with us now until the end of the season - unless Ipswich tell us otherwise. That's the matter closed as far as I am concerned - until it is opened again."
Colchester manager Aidy Boothroyd stating the obvious regarding Kevin Lisbie.
(Paul Charles)
"He's lucky to only get one red."
Robbie Earle commenting on El Hadji Diouf's horror tackle for Blackburn against Aston Villa. Can you get more than one nowadays?
(TBone505)
"My experience has shown me that football on the park is a simple game made difficult by players, managers and coaches."
New Watford chairman Graham Taylor.
(Mark)
CHANTS OF THE WEEK
"That's why you're going down!"
Arsenal fans to West Ham kid who put his penalty wide during half-time entertainment at Upton Park.
"Dot ball to the En-ger-land!"
Barmy Army as England gamely battled to a draw in the third Test against South Africa.
"Stand up if you're top of the league."
Leeds fans at Old Trafford.
(AmarantineBlue)
"Fergie time! Fergie time!"
Leeds fans when the injury time was announced at Man Utd.
(Spencer Asquith, England)
Pompey fans: "Play up Pompey, Pompey play up!"
Coventry fans: "Pay up Pompey, Pompey pay up!"
During FA Cup tie.
(Scott Danns Four Million)
"One Song! We've only got one Song!"
Arsenal fans against Pompey when Alex Song popped up to score a header.
(Inspired by TA6)
They've only got one Song
"We're all standing on a future block of flats."
Arsenal fans at Portsmouth.
(ClockEndBlock19)
STADIUM ANNOUNCEMENTS
"And here is the Coventry team...
Number 1, Kieren Westwood
Number 2, Stephen Wright
Number 6, James McPake
Number 24, Richard Wood
Number 15, Martin Craine
Number 7, David Bell
Number 4, Sammy Clingan
Number 17, Aron Gunnarsson
Number 11, Michael Mc Indoe
Number 10, Freddy Eastwood
And Number 24, Richard Wood."
Looks of confusion amongst the City fans at that point.
(Scott Danns Four Million)
"Exeter are down to 10 men and are losing 2-0." Followed by a sarcastic laugh.
Announcer at Torquay.
(ManchesterGull)
Don't forget to add on any quotes/chants/announcements we may have missed at the bottom, or by
I am a journalist with ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Sport, dealing with the more offbeat stories doing the rounds. I am a QPR fan - and also quite fond of football. If our new-found wealth brings success I'll be happy to tell anyone exactly where I was when we were sh... rubbish - row J seat 139. .
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