"Earlier on today a woman rang the ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ and said she'd heard there was a hurricane on the way. Well if you're watching - don't worry, there isn't."
As foot-in-mouth moments go, it takes some beating () - but Garry Cook appears to be on a one-man mission to wrestle away the crown.
The Manchester City chief executive was filmed in a New York bar ahead of the Carling Cup showdown at Old Trafford insisting it was a case of "not if but when we are at Wembley having beaten Man United yet again".
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Welcome to this week's Quotes of the Week. If you have any quotes, chants, stadium announcements of your own then please add them to the bottom of the blog or
By the way, we are not allowed to asterisked swearwords any more so you may spot a couple of instances where I have swapped the offending word for another one in brackets.
"My celebration was directed at Gary Neville. He acted like a complete sock-sucker (boot-licker) when he said I wasn't worth £25m, just to suck up to the manager."
Carlos Tevez puts the boot into his old team-mate after scoring both goals for Manchester City in their League Cup semi-final first leg win over rivals United.
"My team-mates were asking what I thought. And I wondered to myself: what's the moron talking about me for when I never said anything about him, when there was never any (issue) with us."
Tevez again - just in case Neville hadn't got the message.
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Earlier this season, . Don't Look Back In Anger clearly wasn't one of them.
The Manchester City striker did his best after , giving Gary Neville the 'yap, yap, rabbit' treatment over his shoulder.
Tevez's former team-mate responded with a trademark Liam salute as the spat descended into a farce of such playground proportions, I half-expected Neville to pick up the ball and announce he was going home for his tea.
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"I'm quite fortunate I've got a big head!"
Hull goalkeeper Boaz Myhill on his extraordinary performance at Spurs where he pulled off a string of world-class saves - including one with his head.
"Their keeper had a proper worldie."
Tottenham boss Harry Redknapp gives his own inimitable interpretation of Myhill's display.
"Liverpool are wandering along in a sea of averageness."
Andy Townsend gives his thoughts on Liverpool's FA Cup defeat by Reading.
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I got lost on the way to work this morning (Friday) - it's difficult to see where you're going with a paper bag over your head.
Alas it didn't work. I'd barely got through the door when the ribbing started: "How's life at the comedy club?" "Five games?!" "Who's next - Mickey Mouse?"
My colleague gleefully texted me with the news of late Thursday night - anything to deflect attention away from the . As a Rangers fan you get to the stage where nothing surprises you any more, but even by our own sub-standards, that's some going.
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Yes, it's that time of the week again. Sharp-eyed viewers will notice that there are not as many quotes and chants to share with you this week - probably due to the fact that there was hardly any football on.
But fear not - where there's darts, there's hope! And don't be shy to add on any gems we've missed at the bottom, or by
"I've been watching Mark Clattenburg this season. He did the Arsenal-Tottenham game - you'd have had to hit someone with an axe before he booked anyone in that game!"
Sir Alex Ferguson has a pop at the ref after Darren Fletcher's sending off at Birmingham. There's a surprise.
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There are two things guaranteed to turn grown men into excited little schoolboys; 1. Becoming a professional footballer; 2. Snow.
(Actually make that three if you were one of the locals enjoying a quiet pint in Wimbledon's Wibbas Down Inn when - and very nearly popped out - for a glass of wine following her recent panto stint.)
But it's the white stuff that has dominated both the front and back pages all week, as the than Elizabeth Taylor's divorce lawyer.
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Happy New Year everybody. Having done the Quotes of the Year and Quotes of the Decade parts one and two in the past week, I was tempted to go all Steve Redgrave on you and suggest that if anyone saw me near a quote again, they had permission to shoot me.
But of course I wouldn't do that - the new year is upon us and brings with it stacks more quotes, chants and stadium announcements to share with you. The inbox has been stacking up over the festive period so some of the titbits you are about to read may be more than a week old, but they deserve an airing so I'm going to print them anyway.
And as a special Brucie bonus, there's a little section for some of the quotes you informed me I had missed from the decade collection. If you didn't catch them (where were you?) click here for part one and here for part two. Oh, and here for the Quotes of the Year.
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I am a journalist with ³ÉÈË¿ìÊÖ Sport, dealing with the more offbeat stories doing the rounds. I am a QPR fan - and also quite fond of football. If our new-found wealth brings success I'll be happy to tell anyone exactly where I was when we were sh... rubbish - row J seat 139. .
