Kelis - '4th Of July (Fireworks)'
What? So she's had herself photoshopped as half-woman, half-dog. What's the big deal? Plenty of people do that! Like David Bowie - although he had a painter to do it for him.
Mind you, he ran into LOADS of trouble, and not just because it's hard enough house-training a dog, without having to cater to a pop star's ego too.
No, when Bowie did it, he got complaints because the way his canine derriere was arranged, much like the way the dog end of Kelis is lying here, showed off a certain amount of, ah, undercarriage. Nothing suggestive, you understand, just, yknow, THERE. Back in the early '70s this was considered FAR too racey for impressionable young minds - even among dog owners. So the offending area then had to be painted back out again, rendering Bowie a more gender-neutral sort of half-man half-dog.
It's fair to say you do not get this kind of situation with N-Dubz.
(. Anyone for desert?)
Sadly, the reason I am rambling on about something which happened over 35 years ago is that there's not much else to talk about in relation to '4th of July (Fireworks)' by the pop star Kelis.
As a song, this doesn't really ever happen. There are dance noises, there is singing, there are words, but they don't ever synthesise into something that makes any kind of impact whatsoever. And believe me, I have TRIED.
Even after making myself listen, attentively, several times, over different days, in different places, and with the kind of concentration you'd normally only see on the face of a professional sportsman...I can't remember a single thing, except that I'd rather whack 'Acapella' on again. That was (and still is) amazing...
It's not that all music should rendered down into easily-processed mush, or structured to DEMAND ATTENTION from the first second you clap ears on it. Lots of songs need a couple of goes before their true treasures are revealed in full. But this is more like sifting through a Christmas pudding for sixpences, only to discover that they were all put in another pudding, and given to better-behaved children, and what you've been poking around in is actually porridge, made of sawdust, and served with nothing sauce.
Bit of a dog's breakfast, is what I am saying...
Download: Out now
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(Fraser McAlpine)
"What better way to proclaim your happiness with music that makes people want to dance and be happy.."
"It's hard to tolerate her voice on this song."
"['4th Of July'] has a brilliant chorus and piano part."
Comment number 1.
At 4th Jul 2010, Haducon2 wrote:You give JLS FIVE stars and you only give this TWO?! What is wrong with you Fraser???? Expect some heavy frowning and tutting coming your way.
This deserves at the VERY LEAST four stars, maybe even five. Kelis' vocals really add to the subtly of this track and the chorus hasn't left my head since I first listened to it.
Better than 'Acapella' in my opinion, which, albeit very good, got very annoying rather quickly
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Comment number 2.
At 4th Jul 2010, OddOne wrote:This comment has been referred for further consideration. Explain.
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Comment number 3.
At 4th Jul 2010, U14429597 wrote:PAH, this is close to being on par with Acapella! You are crazy. The chorus is amazing, the beat is immense, the lyrics link once again back to her baby. 4 stars from me!
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Comment number 4.
At 4th Jul 2010, RandomEnigma wrote:While I think 2 STARS is a bit harsh, I'm not really crazy about this track either. I agree with Honorable Media that her voice is a bit difficult to tolerate on this song.
And Fraser, Kelis is half-woman/half lion in that picture.
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Comment number 5.
At 4th Jul 2010, OddOne wrote:I reall wish the person who keeps getting offended by my comment would join, then I could ask why they feel it should be done. My comment was nothing but praise for this song, or maybe it was Fraser doing it because I claimed my review of '4th of July (Fireworks)' was better than his.
Possibly, but he can't really be THAT catty?
And so the dreary task of trying to remember what was deemed oh-so controversial begins... again.
P.S. Very good Randy, it is indeed a lion; I forgot to mention that it my first comment but it doesn't matter now anyway.
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Comment number 6.
At 4th Jul 2010, Haducon2 wrote:5.
It might be because you questioned the quality of radio 1?
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Comment number 7.
At 4th Jul 2010, TomAndrew wrote:OK, fair enough, 'Acapella' was better '4th July', but this one is still pretty good. I love the crazy piano chord progression during the intro and Kelis' low-range, almost sexy vocals during the verses make the music stand out. However, this song lacks lyrical content, unlike 'Acapella' which bore two full verses, three chorus sets and a powerful, repetitive bridge.
***
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Comment number 8.
At 4th Jul 2010, spirit wrote:So Fraser doesn't know the difference between a dog and a lion !
Priceless !
Can you imagine walking through the African jungle with him ?
"Fraser , I think we should run , there is a lion coming towards us ! "
"That's not a lion , that's a little cuddly Jack Russell. "
"Fraser , it's a lion , I'm off ! "
Sounds of flesh and bone crunching , as Fraser confronts the "Jack Russell. "
It was indeed a lion .
From this moment on , the Radio 1 reviews will be brought to you by OddOne.
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Comment number 9.
At 4th Jul 2010, Fraser McAlpine - wrote:I do have a dog, a golden retriever. He's VERY liony.
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Comment number 10.
At 4th Jul 2010, Knoxx wrote:It reminds me of ''hung up'', I like it but, it's no acapella.
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Comment number 11.
At 4th Jul 2010, OddOne wrote:AHA! Love it spirit! I bet Fraser doesn't though... :L
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Comment number 12.
At 5th Jul 2010, soon-to-be-mrsburns wrote:Havent heard the song so shouldnt really be commenting (though I do not Kelis so it may be in part) but I just have to say that like Fraser I could of swore it is a dog in the picture.
We should start a poll.
Lion= 3
Dog= 2
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Comment number 13.
At 5th Jul 2010, Fraser McAlpine - wrote:I've just had confirmation from Kelis's record company. This is what they say:
"It is most definitely a dog Fraser! You are right.
Even Kelis will back you up on that one."
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Comment number 14.
At 5th Jul 2010, OddOne wrote:Lies.
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Comment number 15.
At 5th Jul 2010, Fraser McAlpine - wrote:Well, you can choose whether or not you believe me, of course.
On the one hand, it looks like a dog, it's very similar in arrangement to the David Bowie 'Diamond Dogs' album cover, the photo is called "Dogwoman" by Kelis herself, and it was sent out to press people like myself with accompanying blurb which says that it is a dog.
On the other hand, she's got her hands in a Sphynx-y position, and the back end of a Sphynx is a lion, so...
*does 'scales' hands*
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Comment number 16.
At 5th Jul 2010, Fraser McAlpine - wrote:And by Sphynx, I mean Sphinx. Where's the spellcheck on this thing?
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Comment number 17.
At 5th Jul 2010, OddOne wrote:I wa sonly joking Fraser, let's just call it a log?
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Comment number 18.
At 5th Jul 2010, Fraser McAlpine - wrote:NO I MUST WIN! I MUST WIN AT ALL COSTS! EVEN IF I BECOME BOORISH AND SMUG ABOUT IT! I MUST WIN!
Oh alright then. Log it is.
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Comment number 19.
At 5th Jul 2010, OddOne wrote:Well, to conclude, may I just say what a great log Kelis makes.
Did anyone see her on Alan Carr last night - she was v good.
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Comment number 20.
At 5th Jul 2010, CurtainJerker wrote:A) The colour, smooth hair, and proportions of the legs and paws are quite clearly not those of a lion.
B) Considering the lengthy and self-congratulatory guffawing about Fraser's "priceless" mistake which was in fact not a mistake at all, a couple of people seem a little reticent to, oh I don't know, just own up that they got it wrong and maybe resolve to be a little more gracious next time...?
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Comment number 21.
At 5th Jul 2010, OddOne wrote:YEAH Randy! Where did YOU go!? ;)
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Comment number 22.
At 5th Jul 2010, RandomEnigma wrote:Fine I'm wrong...Kelis is half woman/half dog! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR FRASER?!!!!
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Comment number 23.
At 5th Jul 2010, spirit wrote:I still reckon Fraser 's "golden retriever " could be called either LEO , SIMBA or quite possibly , RORY .
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Comment number 24.
At 5th Jul 2010, spirit wrote:Maybe it goes by the name of CLAUDE .
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Comment number 25.
At 5th Jul 2010, Fraser McAlpine - wrote:Your apologies are both accepted. There was no need to cry though.
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Comment number 26.
At 5th Jul 2010, spirit wrote:Seriously , it would now appear unsafe to go on African safari with Randy and Odd one . I would end up as some lions plaything !
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Comment number 27.
At 5th Jul 2010, Fraser McAlpine - wrote:You mean a dog's plaything. Do keep up.
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Comment number 28.
At 5th Jul 2010, spirit wrote:I might just have to go and listen to Florence singing " The Lion Days Are Over " to help get me through this . If that doesn 't help , there is always that fantastic number 1 by Tight Fit . . . "The Dog Sleeps Tonight " lol
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Comment number 29.
At 5th Jul 2010, OddOne wrote:My dog is always sleeping... I'd rather stare at her than listen to THAT song... *shudders at the thought*
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Comment number 30.
At 5th Jul 2010, RandomEnigma wrote:'The Dog Sleeps Tonight' is a classic, how dare you insult it?! :O
Your dog's ALWAYS sleeping. Have you ever considered that it might actually be dead? I joke, I joke.
If I get another pet dog, I'm going to call him Mufasa.
I'm also quite the fan of Mumford & Son's 'Little Dog Man'. That's quite the tune.
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Comment number 31.
At 5th Jul 2010, Haducon2 wrote:Don't forget the films! Who can forget 'The Dog King"?
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Comment number 32.
At 5th Jul 2010, RandomEnigma wrote:Oh The Dog King. The first film I ever went to see in the cinema...on my 3rd birthday on 5th July 1994, exactly 16 years from now. Oh the nostalgia!
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Comment number 33.
At 5th Jul 2010, RandomEnigma wrote:The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Dog, The Witch & The Wardrobe
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Comment number 34.
At 7th Jul 2010, U14429597 wrote:@28 NOOOO you beat me to the Florence joke! I was going to say that :'(
oh well I'll have to try another... 'I must becoommmee the dog-hearted girlll, ready for a walllkkkkkkkkk..' Yeah...
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Comment number 35.
At 7th Jul 2010, spirit wrote:I toying with the idea of renaming Oddone , "Rory" , and Randy , "Rover ".
On second thoughts ,"Randy Rover" , does have the sound of a German , adult , film star , though , don't you think ?
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Comment number 36.
At 7th Jul 2010, spirit wrote:Edit , first bit should be "I am toying" , which could be the title of a film starring...... Randy Rover .
Oo er Missus !
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Comment number 37.
At 8th Jul 2010, OddOne wrote:Randy, we mustn't stant for this. Grrr.
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