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Fraser McAlpine | 11:37 UK time, Tuesday, 12 December 2006

Elton John vs Kasabian...Tweedy vs Doherty...Basement Jaxx vs Robbie...All Saints vs Lily...Britney very much NOT vs a man...

Shoot The Jogger

SergeAs he has been in showbiz since Simon Cowell was in short trousers (and not just long trousers worn high) you have to assume that Elton John knew what he was doing when he called Noel Gallager "an absolute t".

That's right, he was challenging an equally short man with an equally Beatley haircut to a war of words. But little did he know that Noel has a loyal defendant, in the form of Kasabian's uber-gob, Serge.

This is what Serge told the Sun: "Elton's just a fat man in a tracksuit. Whereas anything that comes out of Noel's mouth is absolute genius. Noel is the last man you want to start with. He's so quick he can destroy anyone."


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Product Placement Jaxx

Felix from Basement Jaxx on why he LOVED touring with Robbie Williams, and how he can't wait to get out there again with the cheeky imp...

"It's a big money-making corporate machine. Fans pay a lot of money to get to the gig then they get there and the programme costs £12 for a few pages, then there's the Robbie ring tones and Robbie everything. It's milking money at every point."

See? It's a cash-stravaganza out there! Brilliant, eh? Or did we read that quote wrong?


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Is It A Bird? Is It A Plane? No, It's Blatt-Man!

MelLily Allen, your days as chief off-slagger of pop people are numbered. Mel Blatt of the All Saints is fairly sure she's worked out what you're up to, and she doesn't like it...

""I think she picks on the wrong people to be honest. I think there's a certain type of person you're allowed to pick on, but she always goes for the weak and I don't like that."

Mind you, hasn't Mel just called everyone Lily's had a pop at "weak"? What a BULLY!


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Toxic Snog Syndrome

Britney's been seen making kissy-kiss with a new man. Record producer Jonathan Rotem, in fact. And guess who he used to work with? GO ON, GUESS!


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Tweedy Damns Dumb Doherty

CherylCheryl Tweedy explains again why she's not mad on that Pete Doherty from out of Babyshambles.

"The problem I have with him is that I've lost friends to heroin and I just don't get the idea of glorifying it. I think it's disgusting. There are enough drug problems going on without him being in the public eye for it...If he kicks his habit, he'll be a lot more respected."

Er...it's just possible someone has already explained this point to him and he doesn't care, Chez. Or at least, you'd blimming well HOPE someone has explained that to him...

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