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Did Patti Smith ever accept the invitation to play at a horse race meeting ?Ìý
She should. We (Derry's best punk band The Undertones) did it this week in Dublin.

Our list of strange places to play is growing. Last week it was a punk rock bowling festival in Las Vegas, this week it was The Undertones Handicap, the 8.35 at Leopardstown. I am not making this up. There was a race (one mile, 12 runners on the card) named in our honour after we agreed to perform for the punters at the course. Ìý

I don't know if the intention was to cheer people up after they lost money, or to depress them even more, but we had a great day at the races. Before 'The Undertones Handicap' (an extended handicap for three year olds and upwards rated 50-75) we were also brought into the winners enclosure, as I believe it's called, to judge the horses on their appearance. How do you do that ? Check their teeth? Put your hand in the vicinity of their nether regions? ÌýNo. You decide which has the best mane, or tail, or even that pattern that you see on their hind quarters. We acquitted ourselves. Then after the race, you present the winning owner with the trophy. Then the MC asks you questions for the television. Then you go on stage and play your songs.

Afterwards Paul Cleary, of much loved Dublin band The Blades, came up and said we played wonderfully. He's now a doctor, so he should know. What we lacked were horse-related song titles. Suggestions welcome. I offered Jump Boys , but that's a bit lame. If we were Devo, we could have Whip It. Or Jockey Homo. I'll stop now.