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I walk down the path down the back of old church and break into a run down the steps that lead to the river. It's all dark now and I can hardly see the path in front of me. The street lights are far behind me and soon I won't be able to even see the silhouette of the town clock's spire. But I'm not going to turn around, look back, I'll just keep going.

The path to the river is steep, slippy and muddy. I slide my way down grabbing onto the old oak trees and either side of the path for support when I need.

In the day the path seems bright and you can see the bright cheery flowers, their faces turned up to you, smiling, and you see the ducks at the bottom of the hill eating leftover sandwiches and racing down the river. You can hear children laughing and playing, dog barking as they run along the water's edge. The smell of fresh grass and clean sparkling water hits you and you can taste the clean air, breathe it in until you feel you could burst and nothing matters anymore. All your worries are gone and nothing can hurt you, touch you. Nobody can harm you, hit you, lash out and hurt more then your body. It's a place where everyone is content and nobody cries or screams.

Not now. The gloom twists and turns around me, wrapping me up its cold dark tendrils, pulling me down. I can see silhouettes of monsters lurking on the side of the path, looming out onto the track, grabbing at my hair, my clothes, everything they can reach. The air is terrifyingly silent; the only sound me hammering heart and my tattered breath. I can smell the fear, the tension, the pain, biting my nostrils, a horrible metallic taste in my mouth and nose, I've never been so alone before, so scared, so tense, yet I'm full of energy and it's exciting.

Everything's behind me and I'm alone, and this is how it's meant to be. I don't need anyone else, no-one's help, no-one's support. I don't need to have someone to lean on or trust or someone I can count on because there is no-one I can trust. Nobody that I know will be there for me whatever happens and will listen and talk and love. Love. Love just causes pain and anguish. Don't love, it only hurts.

I've reached the bottom the hill and talk slow tentative steps toward the river-back. I close my eyes and walk until I feel the cold water biting my feet and my eyes snap open. All I can see in front of me in a long stretch of cold, bleak water. The water is just lapping over my feet but I walk in further. The water eats into me, into every bone in my body; I breathe out, stop and sit down.

The water if flowing round my chest but I'm not worried. It would be so easy now to just lie back and let the river take me away, forever resting, nobody there to hurt me, just be and the river. Me and the river' the river and me'